therapy or other guidance re: stopping anorexia in its tracks

[Anonymous]

OP just wondering how things are going with your stepdaughter.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just read this whole thread. I was your step-daughter. God, if only I had an adult who cared for me like you do for her how different my life would be. I finally overcame my ED, but it was awful, grueling and I have lifelong problems b/c of it. The best thing you can do is to get it early. I commend you. Please know, you've got a fight ahead of you, and some days you will want to scream at them all. Please persevere. You have the opportunity to change this child's life. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Checking in.

Thanks to all who gave me the courage to follow through/push through everyone's objections and... well... force the situation. I haven't updated people because honestly it's taken this long to feel like my world wasn't falling apart. Things got a lot worse before they got better. But anyway, eight weeks later, my step-daughter is in in a therapeutic program at a TERRIFIC place (Potomac Behavioral Solutions in Crystal City), a block and a half from the metro. They have a nutritionist she sees, a private therapist, and mandated family therapy. It has not been easy. The financial commitment. The time commitment. The tears. The anger. The adults in this child's life just don't view the world in remotely the same ways. But slowly everyone is getting re-calibrated in a way that will help support this girl back to health.

She JUST got her period back (after 3 missed months). She's just now starting to weigh a little more than she did the previous week. This therapeutic approach is called the Maudsley Approach and is very family-based. It's a lot of work for everyone. It's exhausting. But it's the only approach that has any significant positive results (statistical recovery rates). I hope to God the improvements I'm seeing continue and that someday I can come back to this thread and tell you all that she's completely out of the woods.

I will say this... if you're a parent (however that is defined) who is reading this thread and wondering whether to err on the side of caution and talk to somebody about this... DO NOT HESITATE. Disordered eating is like having cockroaches in the house--for every one thing you can see, there are 50 bad things you don't see. Seriously. My poor 12 year old went from seeming "perfectly normal" to so unhealthy that her body stopped giving her a period in a matter of half a summer. And to the outside world, she "looked" fine. She looked "great" in fact, according to our thin obsessed culture. Please don't wait until your kid is so thin they're passing out in class. Get help early. And besides, it honestly has very little to do with how much someone weighs. Don't convince yourself that because her ribs aren't protruding from her chest that her odd eating habits and bad self-esteem are somehow "just a phrase she'll outgrow" or that it's "no big deal." Way more than height/weight ration, it's how they're thinking about food, about their relationship to food, and about their body. If you are hearing ANYTHING of concern in those areas, then double the amount of scrutiny you are giving your child's actual conduct. If those "bad" thoughts get combined with "bad" conduct (weighing themselves constantly, feeling driven to constantly be active/being upset if they can't be active--particularly after meals, reading food labels, suddenly cutting out foods they used to love, going to the bathroom of disappearing into their room immediately after eating, taking really small bites of food/taking an excessively long time to finish food, eating significantly less than they're supposed to, etc.), then don't hesitate to take them to a Maudsley trained therapist and ask for help. DO NOT WAIT for the unassailable full onslaught of "proof" of anorexia. You wouldn't treat any other disease like that, would you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I missed this thread the first time around and just read back through it. Your love for your stepdaughter and desire to do the right thing is beautiful. I got teary-eyed reading your posts. You have done an amazing job - if there were Nobel Prizes for parenting you'd surely be in the running. Continued healing and good health to your DD. And I hope DH realizes what a gem he found when he married you.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad you chose PBS. My DD does therapy there and they truly are amazing. I wish you the best of of luck.

[Anonymous]

Please get help now. I suffered terribly from 13 to 22 and am still paying the price for it. Years of annorexis and bulimia has spurred nasty autoimmune diseases from my body hardly getting nutrition and sleep for so long. My fertility and mental state was affected. Now, I watch my daughter closely, who went through therapy for ED at age 5. It is cyclical for now. I am now seeing thrown away food, empty lunch boxes and she finds every excuse to not eat.

[Anonymous]

OP thank you so much for coming back and giving us your update.

I am one of the posters here who urges people who suspect an eating disorder to ACT IMMEDIATELY because just as you have learned, the sooner you act the better.

I'm so sorry for all you have been through but overall it sounds like you did find it and act on it early and behfore the behaviors got too entrenched. Good for you! You may have saved your stepdaughter's life.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Its not about the food. You need to stop focusing on that. Find something to do that can both give her perspective and and give her something to feel good about. Volunteer. Work with children. Feed the homeless. Something where she doesn't have to BE anything but present and herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its not about the food. You need to stop focusing on that. Find something to do that can both give her perspective and and give her something to feel good about. Volunteer. Work with children. Feed the homeless. Something where she doesn't have to BE anything but present and herself.

Anorexia is about not eating enough food or about burning more calories through exercising than you take in. The treatment *is* to focus on that. Those other things you mention might be great for other reasons but they are not evidence based treatment for a very serious illness.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wish I could give you a big hug. I beat an ED, but it took years off my life. I so wish someone like you was there in the beginning. It's going to be hard but it sounds like you have the grit to get through it. Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wish I could give you a big hug. I beat an ED, but it took years off my life. I so wish someone like you was there in the beginning. It's going to be hard but it sounds like you have the grit to get through it. Best of luck.

+1. Seeing all the adults in her life come together to fight this thing may be exactly what she needs to live for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I missed this thread the first time around and just read back through it. Your love for your stepdaughter and desire to do the right thing is beautiful. I got teary-eyed reading your posts. You have done an amazing job - if there were Nobel Prizes for parenting you'd surely be in the running. Continued healing and good health to your DD. And I hope DH realizes what a gem he found when he married you.

+1m

OP, you are a rock star.

[Anonymous]

OP, she is so lucky to have you in her life.
My sister struggled with an ED from college age on, and has never resolved the emotional or physical issues. She doesn't look sick, and in fact loves shopping and having the sales people tell her how great it is that she can fit into such a small size. This world is so jacked up about how we view weight. The biggest issues are emotional. Our parents didn't really know what to do with all this and just encouraged her to eat more. Now in her 50s she's suffering with the long term damage to her health, and lots of emotional fallout too. Wish we could turn back time.
Thanks for the update, and hang in there with the therapy. You are saving her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Checking in.

Thanks to all who gave me the courage to follow through/push through everyone's objections and... well... force the situation. I haven't updated people because honestly it's taken this long to feel like my world wasn't falling apart. Things got a lot worse before they got better. But anyway, eight weeks later, my step-daughter is in in a therapeutic program at a TERRIFIC place (Potomac Behavioral Solutions in Crystal City), a block and a half from the metro. They have a nutritionist she sees, a private therapist, and mandated family therapy. It has not been easy. The financial commitment. The time commitment. The tears. The anger. The adults in this child's life just don't view the world in remotely the same ways. But slowly everyone is getting re-calibrated in a way that will help support this girl back to health.

OP, I wonder if you are still checking in?

Can you give me an idea of what the treatment cost?

[Anonymous]

I may get flamed for this but I just want to add my perspective because you are getting a lot of advice here recommending starting treatment. Yes, I think you need to get educated about eating disorders. However, I would think twice before sending her into a treatment facility. These places have a wide age range, with adolescents with personality disorders and some extreme cases of eating disorders. There is a bit of a competitive air with eating disordered girls (yes a bit of a generalization) and comparison of who is more extreme. I think it can have a negative impact being exposed to so much at a young age of 12/13 - a lot of the girls in the treatment centers have a lot more experience, some traumatic history.

Also take my own advice with a grain of salt. I have a family member with an ED and have been to family and group therapy sessions. But I haven’t been experienced it firsthand.