Why do children get MORE expensive as they get older?

[Anonymous]

It depends on how you're raising your children and what your expectations are. If you're preparing them for community college, it's likely cheaper. If they attend school with upper middle class children and you expect them to attend a selective four year college, there are additional costs. They're not required costs in the same way that daycare was, but they're costs that some parents would consider necessary to raise a child well.

Two of my children developed serious anxiety and it's quite often impossible to find psychiatrists and psychologists who are in network for your insurance. $300 a week for mental health care isn't something you can foresee when your child enters kindergarten. Tutors for organizational skills for a child with ADHD add up quickly too.

When you're working full time and have a toddler or two, life is pretty cheap (outside of child care) because you're exhausted. As they get older, you want to restart those activities you've given up - and you want to experience them with your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are older now and the majority of our money spent on them is the costs associated with travel sports teams. It's not really the cost of the team as much as the trips out of town and hotels and food and flights etc. With 3 kids it's non stop.

For us they were expensive when they were babies until kindergarten. Then there was a few years where we got a bit of a break cost wise. Now we have 2 teens and a 10 year old and they're much more expensive than the baby phase.

I don't doubt 3 kids can add up but we are about to say good bye to our nanny as oldest heads for ft kindergarten. Does it cost you more than 55k annually? This year it cost about 45k for nanny and 11k for pt preshool (5 days for older and 1 day for younger). Next year with summer camps and 1 ft preschool tuition and 2 aftercare for both kids we'll probably save 15k. Once dc2 is in k we will save 22k. We have then both in classes and some summer camps even with nanny. This quarter I spent about 1000 for soccer, 2 lacrosse, ice skating, 2 swimming nd 3 gymnastic classes. Summer camp cost about 1500 total for 4 weeks for kid 1 and a week for 2nd kid.

I looked at our work dental insurance and for $10 per pay period, it will cover up to 5k in orthodontia for each kid, so that should help some. Although not looking forward to driving more I can't wait to see them get into their respective activities. Dc is really starting to live gymnastics and ice skating.

Most people, even with multiple kids, aren't spending nearly $5k/month on daycare in any given year -- you have a very expensive nanny. OPs post was about her $1200/month daycare, and that will likely be a wash. Your own numbers say that summer, camp, preschool, and 2 aftercare will be $15k, which works out to $800/kid/month -- add in a sport or lesson and you hit OP's daycare cost pretty quick.

So yes, if someone is really lavish in the infant years (all the gear and gadgets, breast feeding and formula feeding, nannies and night nurses), it will get cheaper. For most of us working stiffs with kids in plain old daycare, don't expect some bonanza of savings.

You read that wrong. I said this coming school year we will probably save 15k. Our nanny gets modest raises each year which differs from daycare. We only pay her for 40 hrs a week. Most families in dc or near dc suburbs pay more than 45k a year for a nanny. This includes social security and medicare and unemployment taxes. I think my main point is we will be definitely saving money even as younger one goes to ft preschool which including aftercare is 22k. I very much doubt we will spend 50k plus annually ever again until college.

[Anonymous]

Most families in DC or its suburbs don't have nannies. You're spending exponentially more than most on childcare - so maybe you're an exception to the rule that children don't get cheaper. I wouldn't be surprised though if someone who'd spend that much on childcare finds that they have higher than usual expectations (and costs) for schools, camps and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the ES years are a lull. But, things get expensive fast in MS and HS. Some luxury, some not. ADHD kid at TJ. Best free public school in the nation. But, he can't do it without an executive functioning coach. With one, he can perform at a very high academic level. So is it optional? Yes, but... he gets an amazing education that is perfect for him for the $4000 a year we spend on tutoring. And of course a psychiatrist to manage meds (can't get a good one on health insurance). No sports, but serious musician. Private lessons, plus marching band, plus curricular band, plus concert outfit, plus traveling to marching competitions, plus, plus. It adds up fast. It's optional. But, he's very good at it, and loves it, and he needs to do something besides study if he wants to apply to good colleges. And every activity at the HS level is expensive.

He does not have a car, but we do have to carry auto insurance. She does have a cell phone. We are past the age of hand me down clothes.

But the kicker for us is that we never really lost childcare expenses. Once they started K, the aftercare was still expensive, and we used the difference for his 529. Once aftercare stopped, we upped the 529 contributions.

PP is right. Expenses like band and tutoring and music lessons are optional, and childcare is not. But, I wouldn't feel good about cutting anything.

Okay but say you don't have a kid who needs expensive tutoring and a-out-of-pocket psychologist who is "a good one." Then your costs go down. Obviously if your child requires special services that will cost you.

How much really are music lessons and doing band in public school? I mean, I know it's not the 90s anymore but band was cheap in HS for us; instruments were rentals from the school, trips were not that frequent. My piano lessons were $25 a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have one 14 year old. 7 weeks of camp this summer is $6000+. Her sport is $4000+ year. I won't count her private school since that is our choice. Clothing, shoes, uniform pieces, food, birthday gifts for friends bday parties (gone are the days when I could buy $1 Melissa & Doug toys at the consignment store), entertainment, etc. Much more expensive than daycare.

All of the above mentioned items are your choice! A 14 year old is old enough to have a job actually making money and certainly not in need of child care costing almost $900/week. It is amazing to me that so many people in the upper economic tiers can't seem to comprehend the difference between fixed child care expenses and pure luxury items.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP Here- thanks everyone for responding. Some of the posts are amusing to me, especially coming from a very poor upbringing and seeing some more what I'd consider luxuries vs necessities. I guess I'll see the expenses in the coming years and if it is true for us that children cost more as they get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the ES years are a lull. But, things get expensive fast in MS and HS. Some luxury, some not. ADHD kid at TJ. Best free public school in the nation. But, he can't do it without an executive functioning coach. With one, he can perform at a very high academic level. So is it optional? Yes, but... he gets an amazing education that is perfect for him for the $4000 a year we spend on tutoring. And of course a psychiatrist to manage meds (can't get a good one on health insurance). No sports, but serious musician. Private lessons, plus marching band, plus curricular band, plus concert outfit, plus traveling to marching competitions, plus, plus. It adds up fast. It's optional. But, he's very good at it, and loves it, and he needs to do something besides study if he wants to apply to good colleges. And every activity at the HS level is expensive.

He does not have a car, but we do have to carry auto insurance. She does have a cell phone. We are past the age of hand me down clothes.

But the kicker for us is that we never really lost childcare expenses. Once they started K, the aftercare was still expensive, and we used the difference for his 529. Once aftercare stopped, we upped the 529 contributions.

PP is right. Expenses like band and tutoring and music lessons are optional, and childcare is not. But, I wouldn't feel good about cutting anything.

Okay but say you don't have a kid who needs expensive tutoring and a-out-of-pocket psychologist who is "a good one." Then your costs go down. Obviously if your child requires special services that will cost you.

How much really are music lessons and doing band in public school? I mean, I know it's not the 90s anymore but band was cheap in HS for us; instruments were rentals from the school, trips were not that frequent. My piano lessons were $25 a week.

We were never able to get a rental instrument. Every single child in my middle schooler's orchestra (public school) takes private lessons. Every single one. No, it's not required, but your child will be behind the other kids and music will quickly lose it's appeal if they suck at it. Just paid $135 for a music field trip. If you want to be frugal and not let your child do any activities and get a job - of course they will be cheaper. And resentful.

[Anonymous]

Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

[Anonymous]

My kids used to attend a daycare that cost us around $1200 per month per child so $2400 per month.

We pay our PT babysitter $400 per week and tutoring costs us $110 per week. Sports, extracurricular, summer camps and travel cost a lot more too.

I am sure if your child does no activities, sports and you do nothing with your school PTA, it would be cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these morons spending $2000/year to formula feed?

Me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most families in DC or its suburbs don't have nannies. You're spending exponentially more than most on childcare - so maybe you're an exception to the rule that children don't get cheaper. I wouldn't be surprised though if someone who'd spend that much on childcare finds that they have higher than usual expectations (and costs) for schools, camps and activities.

unfortunately even daycare in most of DC is around $2000 or more for an infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

You're a typical UMC DCUM parent who doesn't pay for activities, lessons, summer camp, and family vacations? Yeah right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

We don't do the above things to get our kids into an Ivy League school, although that would be a nice side benefit. We do them because we want them to be happy people with genuine interests who are engaged in the world around them. Another, though less important reason, is to help them fit in with their peers. Teenagers do care about things like the "right" brand of clothing and shoes, don't kid yourselves about that. Fitting in and feeling comfortable within one's peer group is very important to the teenage mind.

I'm happy to give my children opportunities to take horseback riding and tennis lessons, learn to play the piano, learn to ski, take them to Iceland and Costa Rica, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong. But I also don't kid myself that it's not expensive. They're the most expensive things in our lives. Raising a child and all that entails has become a luxury.

[Anonymous]

Right now my youngest still needs after care ($573 a month), plus we have a tutor ($300 to $500 a month), plus college savings, plus extra curriculars, plus clothes are more expensive, they outgrow shoes pretty fast. When they were babies, people happily dumped boxes of clothes on me.