Food - what's fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

+1

I love this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you spend $50 on two days' worth of produce?

Easy if they are juicing.

Even if they aren't, we are feeding an additional adult (relative house guest, too) breakfast and dinner right now. She's a vegetarian and makes smoothies every morning. It's a whole package of spinach or kale each time, plus various fruits. She also plows through berries. If I make a nice protein, grain, and greens salad, she'll dump an entire $4 container of raspberries in her bowl. If I make pancakes, she has to have blueberries in hers and puts almost a handful in each pancake. I have a tween so I want to make sure my child gets fresh fruit and veggies every day. No money has been offered and I'm not sure we would accept it. But we would be happy if she simply bought her own additional produce which we would not touch. we didn't buy any berries today. We did buy a lot of apples, plums, and bananas. There's always canned peaches (in 100% juice) as well which I can attest, are great on salads and in smoothies.

The relatives should offer money or buy their own produce. I agree that Aldi's is the best value, but Shoppers is also a good buy. And most international grocery stores have greens and tropical fruit for stunningly low prices. Leave them a couple reusable bags and a map to the farmer's market if you must.

I remember watching my 17-year-old nephew pop blueberries and raspberries like candy. He could go through 3 or 4 packs without thinking.

Smoothies should be made with frozen fruit. WAY cheaper.

This irritated me more than the grandparents for some reason. Are people so greedy they just eat massive quantities of things?

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised the guests don't have diarrhea from eating so much fruit. OP better make sure she has plenty of toilet paper, and I am being serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

I have not posted this four times. I was my FIRST time posting in this thread. I do not think this post was about privacy or independence or vacations. It was about being cheap and it was about valuing family. And being a gracious, hospitable host, which some Americans are very good at. Others not so much.

Do tell me what is in the menu for my annual three week stay at your house.
Let me know what the sightseeing agenda is also, I assume you'll be driving me about. Can't wait!

[Anonymous]

At least it's just fruit. I have a relative who does this with booze and always expects us to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least it's just fruit. I have a relative who does this with booze and always expects us to pay.

Depending on what you're drinking, the booze may actually be cheaper than all this fruit, with the quantities that they are eating. OP, hope you figured it out, and please update us when you can

[Anonymous]

I have a nitpick: are there your DH's grandparents? Or his parents?

If it's his grandparents, I am going to assume they are old. Like in their 80s. If that's the case, I'd let them do whatever they want. The reasoning being they won't last that much longer and honestly, once you are in your 80s and you want to eat the shit out of some fruit on your grandkid's dime, go for it. Life really is short at that point so humoring them is the best idea.

If it's his parents, and they are maybe in their 60s? I'd set more boundaries because you can't spend 20 more years paying $500 for their endless fruit buffet and yes, they are taking advantage of you.

However, as others have said, if it's the parents, this is ALL ON YOUR DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. Someone posted about Asian culture... I am Asian and I too get irritated by this. Grandparents come over and live with us for months and eat all the food in the house..
They eat/drink expensive food , juices etc. I normally buy 10$ juice for me which lasts around 2 weeks. With them ,its all gone in 2-3 days.


I remember when they left last time, lot of food got wasted and spoiled as no one eats that much food in my house. We both work full time and kids are at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I feel your pain. Someone posted about Asian culture... I am Asian and I too get irritated by this. Grandparents come over and live with us for months and eat all the food in the house..
They eat/drink expensive food , juices etc. I normally buy 10$ juice for me which lasts around 2 weeks. With them ,its all gone in 2-3 days.


I remember when they left last time, lot of food got wasted and spoiled as no one eats that much food in my house. We both work full time and kids are at school.

This is why Costco was invented.

Truth.

[Anonymous]

Op here, thanks for the understanding. Yes the "grandparents" are my in laws, healthy and in their 60s. Yes my husband has a hard time taking to them about anything other than current events.

They're just cheap and seem to flip a fancy mega-eater switch when being a houseguest. They don't tip, they don't vacation, and they don't even go to weddings unless they are put up. And again, they have plenty of money, they are just more than happy to sit back and try to have everyone else pay for them. I don't know how they got this way.

8 more days to go.

[Anonymous]

Buy apples, bananas and grapes. Don't let them visit for so long.

IT IS NOT THAT HARD!

[Anonymous]

Nothing beats the time my cheapo in-laws were going to a wedding and literally grabbed a no-name vase from their room, wrapped it up, and hopped in the car to go to the church.

Classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the understanding. Yes the "grandparents" are my in laws, healthy and in their 60s. Yes my husband has a hard time taking to them about anything other than current events.

They're just cheap and seem to flip a fancy mega-eater switch when being a houseguest. They don't tip, they don't vacation, and they don't even go to weddings unless they are put up. And again, they have plenty of money, they are just more than happy to sit back and try to have everyone else pay for them. I don't know how they got this way.

8 more days to go.

Your husband took them to the grocery store and the one who took out his wallet. Have a conversation with him, not DCUM if this bothers you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the understanding. Yes the "grandparents" are my in laws, healthy and in their 60s. Yes my husband has a hard time taking to them about anything other than current events.

They're just cheap and seem to flip a fancy mega-eater switch when being a houseguest. They don't tip, they don't vacation, and they don't even go to weddings unless they are put up. And again, they have plenty of money, they are just more than happy to sit back and try to have everyone else pay for them. I don't know how they got this way.

8 more days to go.

If it weren't for the fact that my ILs don't stay with my BIL/SIL I'd swear you were my SIL.

This is my ILs to a tee. It drives me batty. They come to "vacation" at our house. When I get home from work dragging two kids from their respective daycares/schools, they don't even say hello to me, they ask "What are you making us for dinner?" And they proceed to eat it all. And must eat all day because if I shop on Sunday, by Tuesday all the food I've bought for the week is gone, to the point that there isn't even a banana left to give my kids for a snack before dinner. No matter how much I've bought, so it's not a matter of just buying more food. It's like it's their personal mission to eat everything that's not nailed down as quickly as possible.

After a decade, I'm finally so fed up, that for their next "vacation" I've made plans to go away, by myself, in the middle of it, since they are staying for 3 weeks. I just can't with a 3 week visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here, thanks for the understanding. Yes the "grandparents" are my in laws, healthy and in their 60s. Yes my husband has a hard time taking to them about anything other than current events.

They're just cheap and seem to flip a fancy mega-eater switch when being a houseguest. They don't tip, they don't vacation, and they don't even go to weddings unless they are put up. And again, they have plenty of money, they are just more than happy to sit back and try to have everyone else pay for them. I don't know how they got this way.

8 more days to go.

If it weren't for the fact that my ILs don't stay with my BIL/SIL I'd swear you were my SIL.

This is my ILs to a tee. It drives me batty. They come to "vacation" at our house. When I get home from work dragging two kids from their respective daycares/schools, they don't even say hello to me, they ask "What are you making us for dinner?" And they proceed to eat it all. And must eat all day because if I shop on Sunday, by Tuesday all the food I've bought for the week is gone, to the point that there isn't even a banana left to give my kids for a snack before dinner. No matter how much I've bought, so it's not a matter of just buying more food. It's like it's their personal mission to eat everything that's not nailed down as quickly as possible.

After a decade, I'm finally so fed up, that for their next "vacation" I've made plans to go away, by myself, in the middle of it, since they are staying for 3 weeks. I just can't with a 3 week visit.

but your pocketbook will still be bleeding out money to your selfish houseguests.