Food - what's fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wonder if you would do the same thing if your parents visit and ask for fruit. PETTY.

I don't know about OP but when either set of grandparents visit us they rent a car, zip around during the day, buy food for them/us, take us out to dinner- typically my husband and either dad argue to pay to the bill, and cook a ton and leave a ton of meals. Also, if they use up stuff- pasta, sauce, olive oil- they buy a replacement. Nothing is worse than sponsoring a week or two of houseguests and "discovering" even more missing! And they never stay more than 4-5 days- anything more than that is roommate rules not "houseguest" rules.

Why can't you all take a week off and split a beach rental? You mentioned you aren't even home, are busy and that's likely strange for everyone just living in their home while they are gone 8-5...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much money did these grandparents spend on either your or DH growing up? On all the things you wanted / needed as a kid? And now you're complaining about having to spend a few bucks to buy them fruit and other items they like? Are you for real right now? It's the least you guys can do. They won't be around forever, and you just sound like a petty person.

OP has her own young family. Ask your husband if his family put up his grandparents for several weeks a year of room, board and food. Start there.

Either way, it sounds to me that they just think of themselves. I would never do this to my kids.

But more than that, grandpa shouldn't be grocery shopping. His stomach is too big for his eyes and he might have put zero planning into it. Like you said, your husband is there and still not even getting the kids their food!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

[Anonymous]

NP here. She's venting. Let her vent without accusing her of desecrating the tombs of her ancestors. Houseguests are really hard. Getting on the same page with spouse re: family is really hard! Sometimes the littlest things (that you are not reallllllly mad about, like fruit) can send you over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

No she will be happy she doesn't have to deal with two geriatric toddlers who are cheap. Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. She's venting. Let her vent without accusing her of desecrating the tombs of her ancestors. Houseguests are really hard. Getting on the same page with spouse re: family is really hard! Sometimes the littlest things (that you are not reallllllly mad about, like fruit) can send you over the edge.

I wanna eat $150 of fruits a week! sounds glorious!

[Anonymous]

I don't like that they eat differently in their own home than how they eat in your home.

I also don't like that you buy your groceries when you visit them and you buy their groceries when they visit you. You could rationalize it is because of your kids' stuff, but it still gets back to they arm acting self-centered. Do they even realize what a $hit$how travel or houseguests are for babies and toddlers? We know int'l families that did not go anywhere until the youngest was out of diapers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

Word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

Exactly. If OP hasn't been brought up to pay and care for elderly parents, this current arrangement will rightly strike her as self-centered. Which it is.
Asian cultures don't expect parents to drop in and sponge off their kids without any warning. It's ingrained in the culture and children expect it because they've seen their parents care for *their* parents. There is no selfishness involved, just one generation giving back to the other sequentially.
Here on the other hand, the grandparents are just clueless, and the husband, as usual, is completely spineless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a house guest problem, it is a DH problem. As always.

He needs to cut it off at the pass. "$5.99 for raspberries? You taught me better than that, Dad! Let's get more of those bananas..."

+1 this is all on your dh. You should be disgusted with him not his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

I have not posted this four times. I was my FIRST time posting in this thread. I do not think this post was about privacy or independence or vacations. It was about being cheap and it was about valuing family. And being a gracious, hospitable host, which some Americans are very good at. Others not so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

I have not posted this four times. I was my FIRST time posting in this thread. I do not think this post was about privacy or independence or vacations. It was about being cheap and it was about valuing family. And being a gracious, hospitable host, which some Americans are very good at. Others not so much.

Why do we have to value family? If they are inconsiderate and cheap towards you, fuck them.

[Anonymous]

This OP has bitcheD about house guests eating expensive produce several times before, usually in response to other people's IL or house guest vents.

OP, it's time to nut up or shut up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this would only happen in America. They are your FAMILY. It's food for god sakes. Food is love. I just can't imagine what it must be like be OP. And she/he admits they all have plenty of money.

Some day the grandparents will be gone and dead and I hope you think back on this and feel shame.

You've already posted this four times now, we heard you. Bend over backwards to entertain and pay for FAMILY no matter what, check.

You're right, in America people value privacy, independence, and real vacations more than those in asia or Europe. In Asia you pay for your kids your entire life and expect to move in with your eldest son's family and reap the benefits. Hopefully the many strings-attached arrangements don't kill your kid's marriage by then. In Europe, you want to crash at someone else's home for month and recreate your European retiree life in someone else's home and on someone else's dime. Got it.

OP and her spouse need to meet in the middle here, and frankly, having extended houseguests chip in for food is a common sense one.

I have not posted this four times. I was my FIRST time posting in this thread. I do not think this post was about privacy or independence or vacations. It was about being cheap and it was about valuing family. And being a gracious, hospitable host, which some Americans are very good at. Others not so much.

Why do we have to value family? If they are inconsiderate and cheap towards you, fuck them.

They visit you and eat your strawberries so fuck them? Wow. I'm glad I have the warm loving close generous hospitable family I have and am not related to you.