Stop blaming women for holding themselves back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I'm tired of the whining by people who chose to become parents. Did you think life would stay the same? No one owes you a power career or special accommodations. Decide which one means more to you and spend your time accordingly. No one is forcing you to spread yourself so thin.


Dumbass, if parents were independently wealthy and didn't need to earn money to live and support their kids, I'm sure we'd all choose not to work so hard.

But unlike DINKs, parents need to earn even more money for daycare, preschool, college, etc.

You sound like a typical immature person who lacks empathy and can't understand anything unless it is personally happening to you. You are what is wrong with America. I am happy you're not procreating so hopefully we'll have a few people like you in the future.

Seeing as nearly 90% of the population become parents, I'm tired of the childless thinking they are the only ones who get to advance in the work place. Having children and raising them right is important for our country so the more support parents get,t he better off we all are.


We get to advance in the workplace because we are the ones there doing the actual work for christ sake. Here's what I see: parents, mothers especially, want to be able to get pregnant as often as they like. OK, great, good, I agree, of course they should. But then on top of that they want to be able to maintain their full (or close to full) salaries while on one-two year maternity leave, and then reenter the workforce when they're goddamn good and ready and at the SAME LEVEL they stepped off two years earlier. They come back, maybe the company invests time and money in training them again, and then 10 months later they're pregnant AGAIN and the scenario repeats. I'm sorry but you CAN'T have it all. If you step out of the work force you will be subject to lower earnings and less position than someone who stayed in the game, this is true of anyone who steps out of work, yet parents think it shouldn't pertain to them. What makes you so special? And please save me the blather about raising the next generation. You had kids because you wanted to have kids, not for any social good.

+1. This is true.

I'm a working mom of 2 with a DH that also WOH. I agree with this to the point that those who do the work and stay in the workforce deserve to move up and not have someone who stepped out of the workforce for 5-10 years come back in and expect to compete for the same level jobs as the rest of us. You made a choice to stay home so you made a choice to downshift your career.

We find a way to make it work and still have fairly high profile careers. You chose not to balance the workload of both a career and raising a family so you are not entitled to the same benefits as the rest of who made the choice to work hard at balancing both.

DH and I find the time to keep my careers moving, coach 2 different teams each year for my kids, make healthy meals, keep a clean house, go to their school events, read to the youngest each night, help with homework/studying with the other, workout 5 days a week, run triathlons, spend lots of quality time with both kids doing all kinds of activities. It takes a lot of planning and discipline that some moms/parents may not want to do, but it can be done if you really want it.

If you don't, then just say that and be happy with your choice. But don't make excuses so you can pretend that you can't have both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waaaahhh! God gave me a uterus and it's not fair I can have kids and it puts me back careerwise. Sorry, less empathy here for the "power woman" whining about not being able to "lean in" and more for the Walmart Mom who must subsist on a minimum wage to support her kids.

Walmart woman could have made the same choices I made. No sympathy. Shouldn't have had kids (plural).

So your childrearing is more important than WalMart Mom's, and you expect the gov't/corporations to support you financially in balancing work and family, but not hers? Your kids are not more important to society, I think a lot of the women on here who cry for paid maternity leave, want it for professional women, and not for others.

[Anonymous]

We find a way to make it work and still have fairly high profile careers. You chose not to balance the workload of both a career and raising a family so you are not entitled to the same benefits as the rest of who made the choice to work hard at balancing both.

DH and I find the time to keep my careers moving, coach 2 different teams each year for my kids, make healthy meals, keep a clean house, go to their school events, read to the youngest each night, help with homework/studying with the other, workout 5 days a week, run triathlons, spend lots of quality time with both kids doing all kinds of activities. It takes a lot of planning and discipline that some moms/parents may not want to do, but it can be done if you really want it.

PP, what's your secret? How do you manage to balance all of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We find a way to make it work and still have fairly high profile careers. You chose not to balance the workload of both a career and raising a family so you are not entitled to the same benefits as the rest of who made the choice to work hard at balancing both.

DH and I find the time to keep my careers moving, coach 2 different teams each year for my kids, make healthy meals, keep a clean house, go to their school events, read to the youngest each night, help with homework/studying with the other, workout 5 days a week, run triathlons, spend lots of quality time with both kids doing all kinds of activities. It takes a lot of planning and discipline that some moms/parents may not want to do, but it can be done if you really want it.

PP, what's your secret? How do you manage to balance all of this?

Let me rephrase this for you: PP, how much of this do you outsource?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We find a way to make it work and still have fairly high profile careers. You chose not to balance the workload of both a career and raising a family so you are not entitled to the same benefits as the rest of who made the choice to work hard at balancing both.

DH and I find the time to keep my careers moving, coach 2 different teams each year for my kids, make healthy meals, keep a clean house, go to their school events, read to the youngest each night, help with homework/studying with the other, workout 5 days a week, run triathlons, spend lots of quality time with both kids doing all kinds of activities. It takes a lot of planning and discipline that some moms/parents may not want to do, but it can be done if you really want it.

PP, what's your secret? How do you manage to balance all of this?

Let me rephrase this for you: PP, how much of this do you outsource?

I actually don't outsource much at all. Let's see.......oil changes, dry cleaning and.....30mins - 1hr of after school care. That's about it.

To answer your original question, it's not a big secret. I'm an early riser since that's when I'm most productive. I'm extremely organized (both physically and with routines). I make plans and I follow through. If I commit to something I'm all in with no excuses. Oh, and I prioritize.

That's really it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We find a way to make it work and still have fairly high profile careers. You chose not to balance the workload of both a career and raising a family so you are not entitled to the same benefits as the rest of who made the choice to work hard at balancing both.

DH and I find the time to keep my careers moving, coach 2 different teams each year for my kids, make healthy meals, keep a clean house, go to their school events, read to the youngest each night, help with homework/studying with the other, workout 5 days a week, run triathlons, spend lots of quality time with both kids doing all kinds of activities. It takes a lot of planning and discipline that some moms/parents may not want to do, but it can be done if you really want it.

PP, what's your secret? How do you manage to balance all of this?

Let me rephrase this for you: PP, how much of this do you outsource?

I actually don't outsource much at all. Let's see.......oil changes, dry cleaning and.....30mins - 1hr of after school care. That's about it.

To answer your original question, it's not a big secret. I'm an early riser since that's when I'm most productive. I'm extremely organized (both physically and with routines). I make plans and I follow through. If I commit to something I'm all in with no excuses. Oh, and I prioritize.

That's really it.

Funny that there was no response to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you, OP. And I believe it starts with fair maternity and paternity leave. And changing the culture surrounding taking time to raise your infants.

Yes. I'm so damn sick of it all. I wish I had leaned out in college and my early 20s. I wish I had gotten a job that would be easy to have children with. I wish we'd stop telling women to try harder. What's the point? So you'll never get to see your kids? So you'll work at the rat race forever? With no maternity leave beyond 12 weeks unpaid? I guess I thought as a naive 18 year old that by the time I worked my way up the ladder that corporations would have changed. nope.

This applies to all adults. We should all strive for balanced lives.

[Anonymous]

No one is blaming women, it is rather a problem inherent in the American work structure.

[Anonymous]

Well I'm a working mom with a working husband and I think it's crazy that there is no mandatory paid maternity leave. Having done it twice, I think going back to work at 6 or 8 or even 12 weeks postpartum is bad for the mother and bad for the baby. And yes, I think women are entitled to assistance (financial and otherwise) during the immediate postpartum period.
And it's bullshit to say, "It's a choice... you shouldn't have kids." Okay. Right. Only rich people, married people, people with college degrees, or people who put off having kids until 40 should have the right to procreate. Everyone else can go live in a ditch with their baby. Because we don't need another generation... it's optional. Nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Waaaahhh! God gave me a uterus and it's not fair I can have kids and it puts me back careerwise. Sorry, less empathy here for the "power woman" whining about not being able to "lean in" and more for the Walmart Mom who must subsist on a minimum wage to support her kids.

Walmart woman could have made the same choices I made. No sympathy. Shouldn't have had kids (plural).

So your childrearing is more important than WalMart Mom's, and you expect the gov't/corporations to support you financially in balancing work and family, but not hers? Your kids are not more important to society, I think a lot of the women on here who cry for paid maternity leave, want it for professional women, and not for others.

Actually, the children of professionals are more important to society. We all have the same intrinsic worth as individuals of course, but our society does need the children of professionals desperately. Perhaps you would like a society where only walmart mothers are procreating and all the doctors and lawyers and executives are "leaning in". I wouldn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well I'm a working mom with a working husband and I think it's crazy that there is no mandatory paid maternity leave. Having done it twice, I think going back to work at 6 or 8 or even 12 weeks postpartum is bad for the mother and bad for the baby. And yes, I think women are entitled to assistance (financial and otherwise) during the immediate postpartum period.
And it's bullshit to say, "It's a choice... you shouldn't have kids." Okay. Right. Only rich people, married people, people with college degrees, or people who put off having kids until 40 should have the right to procreate. Everyone else can go live in a ditch with their baby. Because we don't need another generation... it's optional. Nonsense.

I disagree. A pp here. I went back to work (teleworking) at 6 weeks and in the office at 9 weeks. I even had a surgery, basically a repeat episiotomy at 6 weeks postpartum for my 2nd and I still went back to work at 9 weeks.

Unless you have some major complications, I had one but consider it fairly minor even though it was an outpatient surgery, I don't understand why you can't come back to work after 12 weeks.

I bf each kid for 12 months. I pumped at work and while on travel and bf whenever I was home.

I'm not different than any other working mom, so I guess i have a hard time understanding the issue.