Should I feel weird about my sister-in-law breastfeeding when my kids are there visiting?

[Anonymous]

I'm a husband. I have a son.

This thread is making me sad.

Here is a chance to give these boys a lesson in being gentlemen, and too many of you don't get it.

Me too. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband. I have a son.

This thread is making me sad.

Here is a chance to give these boys a lesson in being gentlemen, and too many of you don't get it.

I am pretty uncomfortable with the notion of "gentlemanliness" anyway, but it seems particularly irrelevant here. The nursing mom doesn't need people to be all gracious and understanding; she just needs them to go about their business and treat this as no big deal, which it isn't unless you've got issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if this is a problem, then I hope your boys don't go anywhere that they might see a woman in a bikini until they are out of their teen years. Especially not girls around their own age, some of whom actually want to be noticed.

Maybe you should lock them up until they get through these awkward years. There are breasts everywhere, and a lot of them won't be very well covered.

Don't let them go to their aunt's house. Tell them you're worried about what they might see/think. See what their reaction is.

It's a very different thing to have young boys at the beach, walking by big-busted girls in tight bikinis -- most of whom they don't know and are just "seeing" -- and being in the home of someone they do know very well (their aunt), who is splaying the girls out for a period of time, while feeding an infant.

My breasts were pretty big when I was nursing. I didn't use a cover, EVER. Not outside my home, not at home. You know why? Because when I was nursing my child, while wearing clothing specifically designed for that activity, my baby's head was covering the side she was nursing from and the other breast was covered by a nursing pad, a bra and that side of the shirt. The only time I nursed completely topless was the day DD was born. After that, I wore nursing bras and shirts that were either v-necked enough to nurse without exposing myself anymore than I would in a (not at all racy in fact rather prudish) swimsuit.

If your sons are having sexual feelings about their aunt feeding their baby cousin, I suspect it is more a function of the messages they are getting at home that breasts are sexual and breast feeding should be done in private than anything their aunt is doing. I also very much doubt she's practically topless. I know dozens of women who have nursed babies and the only glimpse of a fully exposed breast I've ever seen has been an accident, rather than an intentional sustained exposure.

You don't have much experience with pre-teen boys do you ?

My child is female and young, but I have a fair amount of experience with preteen boys. In my experience, the easiest way to ensure that they are respectful of women is to require that they behave respectfully. If you treat this situation as a normal parenting situation, rather than an abnormal sexual situation, they will receive the message that their aunt breast feeding their cousin is not something to leer about. If they are uncomfortable, perhaps a conversation about the normal parenting situation they're observing and requiring them to behave respectfully is in order. It sounds like the OP just can't believe that their interest in and curiosity about babies is genuine, since they're boys and therefore must have sex on the brain to the exclusion of all other things. I suppose that one track mindedness accounts for why boys over age ten have no interests in anything but sex. Certainly explains why there are no boys on the honor roll, excelling in sports, writing, playing music, etc.

Yes, as predicted, you do not have sons this age. A "fair amount of experience" with preteen boys? Please. Write back when you are dealing with your own kids this age and their budding hormones on a daily basis. In other words, when you know what you're talking about.

I have a lot of experience with preteen teenage boys, as I have three of them. I also have three brothers. I know what I'm talking about. And I agree with everything PP posted.

PP you're agreeing with. My godson is 11. I have two brothers. I volunteer twice a week with preteen boys at a shelter in DC. I am married to a man who was once a preteen boy. Please stop assuming that your prejudice against preteen boys (that they are hormone-dominated robots who are unable to process the idea that a mother feeding an infant is not sexually taunting him in some way) is more valid than anyone else's, or that boys are somehow not able to be interested in babies generally speaking. You are not doing your sons any favors with these attitudes.

[Anonymous]

I mentioned this thread to my husband and he started laughing out loud. "you can teach a 12 year old boy anything you want but all they are seeing are the boobs!"--he doesn't get why women constantly overestimate men and especially adolescent boys. He also added "lucky kids, I had to hide a playboy"

[Anonymous]

PP here. I want to add that my husband is 100% respectful of women and a wonderful husband and father to our daughter. But he is a man and once a 12 year old boy so he knows whats going on this hormone addled brains.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband. I have a son.

This thread is making me sad.

Here is a chance to give these boys a lesson in being gentlemen, and too many of you don't get it.



I am pretty uncomfortable with the notion of "gentlemanliness" anyway, but it seems particularly irrelevant here. The nursing mom doesn't need people to be all gracious and understanding; she just needs them to go about their business and treat this as no big deal, which it isn't unless you've got issues.

I'm the +1, not the OP of this gentleman idea, but I wasn't thinking of the full course in chivalry and decency. The lesson in this situation (one part of being a gentleman) would be what you suggest: averting the gaze and treating this as no big deal. That's a good beginner's start. Followed up by still retaining the basic level of courtesy and respect for an older family member.

There are other lessons that can wait till later; we're just talking this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. I want to add that my husband is 100% respectful of women and a wonderful husband and father to our daughter. But he is a man and once a 12 year old boy so he knows whats going on this hormone addled brains.

Well, he can't speak for all hormone addled brains out there. Obviously.

Even if a person's brain is addled by hormones, presumably he is capable of reining it in and behaving like a civilized person. If he isn't, then he would benefit from practicing that skill, which will be very useful to him throughout his life. Because faced with something that makes him uncomfortable, or hormone-addled, or whatever, it is *his* responsibility to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband. I have a son.

This thread is making me sad.

Here is a chance to give these boys a lesson in being gentlemen, and too many of you don't get it.



I am pretty uncomfortable with the notion of "gentlemanliness" anyway, but it seems particularly irrelevant here. The nursing mom doesn't need people to be all gracious and understanding; she just needs them to go about their business and treat this as no big deal, which it isn't unless you've got issues.

I'm the +1, not the OP of this gentleman idea, but I wasn't thinking of the full course in chivalry and decency. The lesson in this situation (one part of being a gentleman) would be what you suggest: averting the gaze and treating this as no big deal. That's a good beginner's start. Followed up by still retaining the basic level of courtesy and respect for an older family member.

There are other lessons that can wait till later; we're just talking this one.

I'm the OP of the gentleman idea. Exactly what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Breasts ARE sexual. It is ridiculous to say otherwise.

Any decent woman would cover up in front of guests - EVEN in her own home.

[Anonymous]

OP - you should feel weird, because you're a weirdo. And a lot of people on this thread are apparently weirdos too. You should stop going to your poor SIL's house because it sounds like she could use a break from you and your whackadoo kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course not! I think it's awesome that you SIL is comfortable and sharing something so wonderful with your sons. This builds empathy and compassion. You are the one sexualizing breasts, not them.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here - a lot of posters are bringing up the idea that the mom should cover up because the boys may have sexual feelings seeing naked breasts.

My question is - so what?

Boys this age can get aroused by staring at a lamppost. If they are going to go masterbate to the thought of their breast-feeding aunt, they are probably already having sexual thoughts about all sorts of non-kosher people and things. But so long as those thoughts stay in their heads and they behave properly, who cares?

+1. They can both be interested sexually and be interested in the basic baby-feeding function. I mean, it's pretty likely her husband was/is interested in both of those functions ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course not! I think it's awesome that you SIL is comfortable and sharing something so wonderful with your sons. This builds empathy and compassion. You are the one sexualizing breasts, not them.

+10000

What if some busty relative just show the kids her bare boobs all the time for the heck of it? Would that be OK too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Breasts ARE sexual. It is ridiculous to say otherwise.

Any decent woman would cover up in front of guests - EVEN in her own home.

I agree. It's not fair to the boys to put erotic images of a relative in their head.
It's not respectful to their development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband. I have a son.

This thread is making me sad.

Here is a chance to give these boys a lesson in being gentlemen, and too many of you don't get it.



I am pretty uncomfortable with the notion of "gentlemanliness" anyway, but it seems particularly irrelevant here. The nursing mom doesn't need people to be all gracious and understanding; she just needs them to go about their business and treat this as no big deal, which it isn't unless you've got issues.

I'm the +1, not the OP of this gentleman idea, but I wasn't thinking of the full course in chivalry and decency. The lesson in this situation (one part of being a gentleman) would be what you suggest: averting the gaze and treating this as no big deal. That's a good beginner's start. Followed up by still retaining the basic level of courtesy and respect for an older family member.

There are other lessons that can wait till later; we're just talking this one.

To this particular relatoive (the nursing SIL), b perhaps her idea of being a gentlemna is one of the boys holding the tit for the baby while she rests or wiping the milked tit for her after the baby is done.