I don't know whether to give up on this marriage.

[Anonymous]

I also want to add, he will say he wants to talk. When we do and I am speaking, he will cover his face with his hands or slap his forehead. I say that he just doesn't want to hear what I am saying. Since he started doing that , I no longer discuss anything.

I mean really - that says a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want a divorce. He says I do, and that's why I am making all this stuff up. He says he will never leave because he knows this will work because he is going to make it work.

We haven't had sex since I found out he was going to happy hour with his secretary and dinners that he says he went to alone and sat at a bar. So that would be about 2 months.

This is the first year we didn't go on vacation, he says the money just wasn't there. Coincidence?

I am actually fine right now with the status quo. I am saving money and paying bills.
He now leaves his phone and iPad everywhere so that I can "look" at it, but the history on both is constantly cleared.

This is great news.

[Anonymous]

please see a lawyer, OP, just to understand what might happen if he leaves you, even if youre not planning on leaving now.

please also start putting money aside for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the last 2 days have not been good. I had a panic/anxiety attack. I have never had one before so it was pretty awful and scary.
I drove myself to the doctor and am now on meds. He says it will be short term just until I get over this hump.
I guess my husband feels guilty, he hasn't gone to happy hour at all this week and went to the gym very late last night.
He is sending me sappy texts, and being really nice.. And I hate it. It feels so fake.

,

He may have told you that he was going to the gym, but he may have been meeting with his secretary!

[Anonymous]

That's the only time for sure I know he is telling the truth. It's close by. His sec lives an hour away so they have to get together durin work or right after, since she is married as well

[Anonymous]

OP, talk to a lawyer and financial planner. Don't focus on your joint finances, you need to protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am running another spread sheet on income/ debt right now. He is saying I don't need to do this. Tell him what I want to pay and he will do it.. How am I supposed to know what to pay? He can't take it.
Does he forget what we meant to each other? The vows we took?
He is such a different person. I don't even like him. I don't hate him. I feel nothing.

[Anonymous]

Stay strong OP, you are definitely doing the right thing by taking over your finances and saving up. I think you would probably know if he made a genuine change, which he is not doing (sounds like).

[Anonymous]

Goo luck OP. I doubt things will change so don't wait too long before calling it quits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



I also want to add, he will say he wants to talk. When we do and I am speaking, he will cover his face with his hands or slap his forehead. I say that he just doesn't want to hear what I am saying. Since he started doing that , I no longer discuss anything.

I mean really - that says a lot.


**He doesn't want to be there**

[Anonymous]

Ok appliance repairman came for one of the appliances. He immediately canceled the other one.
He is also ticked at me because he fell asleep on the couch and didn't go to the gym tonight. Apparently I was suppose to wake him up.. Oh well . He said well now I am going extra tomorrow. I told him to knock himself out. I don't care!

[Anonymous]

People have affairs all the time and manage not to behave as poorly as your DH.

Hold him accountable for the late bills and the workmen, for the absences, for taking the intimacy/friendship out of the marriage and into another relationship at Happy Hour.

He escalates things to avoid the actual problems you have. He didn't tell you about an emotional affair because he thought you'd take it to be a physical one? Huh? Madness. Wrong is wrong.

Also, has anyone mentioned auto-paying bills? Or, establishing a "date night" (which could be a night out on the town or an evening in with take out or whatever you actually enjoy) to replace his time with his office mate(s)?

He wants to be in control but doesn't take responsibility for anything? Garrh. Sounds too much like my ex-husband. He still will abandon his children (e.g. birthdays at school, planned pick ups) and blame me, telling me it's a consequence of us not being together, that I kicked him out, yada, yada...

Sorry OP. Lay down some guidelines and let him wail. Just be sure to let him know that there is no coming back. Mine didn't believe me, then had periods of panic once he was out there on his own. Oh, well. Consequences, indeed.