If you grew up poor...

[Anonymous]

-going to school hungry

-eating the pasta (&paper) in art time (or just paper during reg class) cause pastay food and paper fills you up.

-getting food from food banks

-clothes from good will or from trash

-wearing full winter gear to bed in the winter

-cooking cans of whatever over the flame of a hurricane lamp

-taking care of my sister and being to little to turn on stove so we ate flour and water thinking it was dough for cakes.

-going to foster care and thinking it was strange.

-never having clean or new clothes.

[Anonymous]

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.


I grew up with money but my mom who grew up poor made me do this. Ridiculous.

See, this is what I worry about. That my son would never learn the actual lesson here (wasteful to buy something like snow boots if it is only to be used 2-3 times!) and instead feel bitter since we "have the money". Argh.

I think it's important to teach the lesson but not important to teach it the same way your mom did. For instance, when I was a kid I wanted lots of stuffed animals and they were apparently too expensive for me to have as many as I wanted. Fast forward to today when stuffed animals are made in China for pennies, and kids can get big ones at the dollar store. I don't think it teaches a lesson to say my kid can't have a stuffed animal. But you can still teach them about not being wasteful in other ways. For the snow boots, I know that we buy them very inexpensively at the thrift store and pass them down, so it's not throwing away money. And your feet stay warmer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope a lot of people read this thread. DCUM needs it.

I don't know that it would do much good. I grew up in working-middle class comfort, but my parents (and their parents) grew up in varying degrees of poverty, and appreciating what we had was figuratively beat into us. That's the one of the reasons I think I am able to appreciate the things I have, even when they're not exactly what I'd hoped for. It's hard to appreciate littler things if you've been taught your whole life that you're worth only the best.

[Anonymous]

I remember my parents cutting up their credit cards one night, I was about 5 years old, after a brutal argument about money and debt. They paid off all of their debt and then saved for a new house. They built the house and 9 months after we moved in my father lost his job. I remember the sheriff coming to our house to deliver some papers. I remember not long after that our church brought groceries over. I remember wearing really big clothes to school. I remember everyone knew what was happening to our family and why we had to move. I remember a lot of crying and sadness and just overall despair.
To this day I am still scared to death at the prospect of losing a home.

[Anonymous]

I remember going into Pioneer Chicken and taking as many of the little packets of two saltine crackers as we could fit in my mom's purse. Then we made "sandwiches" with either ketchup packets or little plastic packets of grape jelly taken from McDonalds. Occasionally we'd try out other combinations of free condiments - mustard, relish, mayo, but we always came back to either ketchup or grape jelly.

[Anonymous]

I am a foreigner and it is so heartbreaking to read all of this. In my home country the US is perceived as a very affluent nation, with well established social services, I never thought it was that bad...

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP whose mother lied to welfare to get medical care.

My DH grew up in the deep south with several siblings, a family of 13, before nieces/nephews came along. His father was illiterate and legally changed his name to his initials so he could sign documents. His Mom was "The Help" at a house across town, often raising someone else's children while her children went without her. Of course no SS taxes were taken out so when his mother lost both legs to diabetes, the bare minimum is what she got monthly. Up until the point when she passed away, DH helped her monthly. Much like I continue to help my mother today.

His father worked in an orchard that grew tung nut trees. A fire destroyed the orchard so he did odd jobs, fixing cars, lawn mowers, etc. He also grew a large garden to feed the family. His Mother would make large, hearty meals that would stretch a dollar. Chicken legs, rice & gravy were one of the staples.

Their home was VERY modest. The boys slept on the floor, in the living room, under the sofa bed. The girls slept ON the sofa bed. He remembers feeling mice & rats scurrying near his feet during the night hours. They finally moved to the "big house" and he got his own bed. Being the youngest, he eventually got his own bedroom but it was several years.

DH said he was mostly oblivious to all of their struggles. At one point, in middle school, a classmate pointed out that the shirt DH was wearing that day used to belong to the classmates brother. Of course Mom either got clothes at the thrift shop or they were donated.

Our path out...I can't say it was college because I never completed college. I think it was just that I always wanted more? I am a pretty quick study and I've always made the effort to make sure that my actions reflected that I wanted more. For lack of a better term, I basically grew up "white trash" very much along the lines of Jerry Springer. Big mouths, lots of attitudes, etc. I've never been confrontational, I try to not allow myself to be pulled down by those in my life that behave in this way. DH, he did go to college. His Mother faught for him tooth & nail. She was fighting with financial aid offices, credit card companies, everybody she needed to, in order to make sure he succeeded. He is the only of his siblings to complete college. He has also always strived to rise above the societal expectations of his background.

[Anonymous]

I remember my parents cutting up their credit cards one night, I was about 5 years old, after a brutal argument about money and debt. They paid off all of their debt and then saved for a new house. They built the house and 9 months after we moved in my father lost his job. I remember the sheriff coming to our house to deliver some papers. I remember not long after that our church brought groceries over. I remember wearing really big clothes to school. I remember everyone knew what was happening to our family and why we had to move. I remember a lot of crying and sadness and just overall despair.
To this day I am still scared to death at the prospect of losing a home.

This story really got to me. Can you tell us if they ended up ok? Just heartbreaking that they learned their lesson on debt and still lost their house later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We grew up in the Deep South in the 80s and 90s and became poor when my dad lost his job and from then suffered from major depression and had spotty employment. My mom did the best she could and held down 2 jobs, but there were 11 mouths to feed and we lived in a 3 bedroom, one bath house in the 'hood.
When I was young, my mother would climb into the dumpsters behind schools and daycares to retrieve tossed out books and educational toys. She'd clean them up with bleach and water and use them to help teach us reading and math.
Both my parents were college educated and stressed education, so we were excellent students. God help you if you brought home mediocre grades. My parents did not play.
We were also talented athletes and dancers, something else my parents encouraged. We took cheap courses in dance at the YMCA and free classes in school. Coaches often gave us extra lessons for free. Most of us went on to play a sport or dance in high school and college.
My mother loved and loves public radio. She'd play classical music and Broadway show tunes while making a veggie stew or baking bread. To this day, I play NPR while cooking.
We never went hungry and came up with creative recipes out of the most meager ingredients. Huge pots of veggie stew, fresh fried fish with steaming piles of rice, fresh veggies from the market baked into casseroles. She bought day old bread at a bakery thrift store and these little gingerbread cookies with pink icing that we shared in the backseat of the car.
The librarian at the library up the road thought we were awesome. We were the only kids in the neighborhood who always came and always participated in the summer reading program. She would pull out discarded books for us and send them home for us to keep.
We spent summers at the community rec pool and were all on the swim team. Hell, there were so many of us we were practically the team.
Mom often took took us to the museum, which I loved.
When I grew older, I bought all of my sisters' prom dresses. We were recently able to make a huge donation to charity of these dresses. That felt great.
Every single one of us won scholarships and went to college (the youngest is a rising junior). Most of us have gone on to get graduate or law degrees.
We love sharing stories about how we grew up at Thanksgiving dinner.
Ok, that's enough...I'm misty now. Gonna go call my mama.

This is a beautiful story, I hear so many dysfunctional family stories. Amazing that all 11 of you stayed on the same path and it doesn't sound like there were issues of feelings of impoverishment, lack of self esteem, experimenting with drug/alcohol or mental illness/learning disorders. Maybe there were issues in these areas but as a family the support was there. And, everyone seems to have or are on their way to become productive citizens.

Your parents sound great, especially your mom. I'm glad she didn't have to go it alone as a single parent.

I do believe you had a charmed childhood. Do all of your siblings remember growing up in your family's household just as fondly?

Thank you. It's only now that I'm a parent that I realize how blessed we were. It wasn't always easy or perfect. Our dad loved us but really didn't always provide what we needed emotionally or financially. I had it tougher than my siblings and was old enough to see and understand what was happening. As an adult, I've come to terms with the impact of his mental illness and have forgiven his shortcomings. That said, the man was/is brilliant and taught us to think critically and analytically.
He's a much happier and healthier person now and my mom is basking in her well deserved golden years, surrounded by grandkids, and adored by all of us.

You sound like a wonderful family. So happy your Mama is enjoying her golden years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I remember my parents cutting up their credit cards one night, I was about 5 years old, after a brutal argument about money and debt. They paid off all of their debt and then saved for a new house. They built the house and 9 months after we moved in my father lost his job. I remember the sheriff coming to our house to deliver some papers. I remember not long after that our church brought groceries over. I remember wearing really big clothes to school. I remember everyone knew what was happening to our family and why we had to move. I remember a lot of crying and sadness and just overall despair.
To this day I am still scared to death at the prospect of losing a home.

This story really got to me. Can you tell us if they ended up ok? Just heartbreaking that they learned their lesson on debt and still lost their house later.

We ended up ok. We received an unexpected inheritance from an elderly neighbor who knew us during the worst of everything. My father started a business, without debt, which he still owns and operates today 20 years later. They divorced later in life. Unfortunately neither know much about savings, and neither have anything saved for retirement. Which is scary to me. The other part is that neither had graduated from college and really wanted me to- so I did and got a masters too.
So a lot ended up well but they both have debt now of varying kinds. And although they are no longer together, they are both kind of obsessed with things and having them. Which I think is apart of the deep pain of loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember going into Pioneer Chicken and taking as many of the little packets of two saltine crackers as we could fit in my mom's purse. Then we made "sandwiches" with either ketchup packets or little plastic packets of grape jelly taken from McDonalds. Occasionally we'd try out other combinations of free condiments - mustard, relish, mayo, but we always came back to either ketchup or grape jelly.

We did this sort of stuff too. My parents would find bars that put out food at happy hour and we'd all go. One parent got a soda, everyone else had water, and the kids ate as much as possible. Even as a little kid I found this so humiliating. But it got us fed.

[Anonymous]

My mother had us steal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?

Poverty is about "choices", yes. But it is not only about choices. It's a whole lot easier to make a "bad choice" when all you have to choose from is bad choices.

[Anonymous]

We didn't grow up as poor as most on this thread, but, like a PP, my one parent was, perhaps due to mental illness, overly frugal and the other went along so I:

ate mustard sandwiches (white bread + mustard)
didn't go to school functions that cost money like prom
never had any outside classes (dance, sports)
never had more than 1-2 outfits that I wore repeatedly, so heaven forbid if something got stained or ripped
drank out of jelly jars (which I didn't think was that bad but it was listed above)
ate lots and lots of plain pasta (better than most on this thread, so shouldn't complain)

I started working at 15 and both my brother and I got scholarships to college. I distinctly remember taking him to college and then taking him to buy a backpack because my parents hadn't.