Anyone think the stress of working isn't worth it?

[Anonymous]

Oh, honey. Honey. You are in for the shock of your life. Can you afford to stay home AND have at least a half-time nanny, if not a full-time nanny? That sounds like the only option that's going to give you anything even remotely close to what you are hoping for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, honey. Honey. You are in for the shock of your life. Can you afford to stay home AND have at least a half-time nanny, if not a full-time nanny? That sounds like the only option that's going to give you anything even remotely close to what you are hoping for.

LOL, I was just going to say, I hope she married a rich guy, or her DH has a potential to make big bucks in the very near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is already pregnant. I think you should quit work. Not worth it with such a long commute to be away for so long for so little money after child care.

I think it makes sense, I agree with this too, she doesn't make enough to cover the cost of the nanny.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live on a farm? What about your household can be possibly so time consuming without kids? Are you remodeling your house or something? Are your "pets" cows and chicken and goats? I get it that you are pg, totally normal to feel tired now, but based on your other posts you felt like you needed to stay home to just take care of regular stuff for two grown up adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is already pregnant. I think you should quit work. Not worth it with such a long commute to be away for so long for so little money after child care.

I think it makes sense, I agree with this too, she doesn't make enough to cover the cost of the nanny.

This is usually a pretty dumb argument. It's not her income alone that is paying for child are. Some should come from be dad's too. Ya know. At any rate, There are other benefits to staying in the workforce. Make the decision based on real criteria and your abilities and desires.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, honey. Honey. You are in for the shock of your life. Can you afford to stay home AND have at least a half-time nanny, if not a full-time nanny? That sounds like the only option that's going to give you anything even remotely close to what you are hoping for.

OP here. Yes, if I stay home I will at least have a part-time nanny. I don't really think I need a full-time nanny, but part-time would be helpful. We have no family anywhere near here to help out, so at least while the nanny is watching the child, then I can get errands done and clean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you live on a farm? What about your household can be possibly so time consuming without kids? Are you remodeling your house or something? Are your "pets" cows and chicken and goats? I get it that you are pg, totally normal to feel tired now, but based on your other posts you felt like you needed to stay home to just take care of regular stuff for two grown up adults.

OP here. I don't feel like I need to stay home just to take care of the house, but what I'm saying is that working full-time and taking care of the house is like working a full-time job plus a part-time job. The best scenario would be work part-time, take care of the house part-time (pre-kids). Once I have the baby, I think the best scenarios is work part-time and have a part-time nanny, or stay home full-time and have a part-time nanny.

There is a lot that goes into maintaining a SFH. I have a messy hubby, so there is more cleaning, my pets are messy, and hubby works long hours. Cleaning/laundry takes about 7 hours per week, which includes bathrooms, sweeping, vacuuming, changing bedsheets and towels, doing all laundry, ironing, and general tidying. Cooking/meal planning/grocery shopping takes about 10 hours per week, including packing 2 sets of lunches for work. Organizing/home maintenance takes about 4 hours per week. Yardwork is about 3 hours per week, though in the winter we do none. Errands/Target is about 5 hours per week. Pet care (2 dogs) is about 6 hours per week. That adds up to basically a part-time job. When you have one person doing most of this, the hours add up. I'm not sure what is so hard to understand about why taking care of a house is very time-consuming. We don't have a housekeeper or anything.

I'm just saying that when you work full-time, and do all the household stuff, plus commutes, then it is very stressful to get it all done and not feel like you're always rushing around and on the go.

[Anonymous]

OP, fwiw, many of us DCUMs live in SFH. We understand that there is work involved. But believe it or not most of us manage to do, with one or more kids, and many of us with a FT job on top of it, as well as other obligations (volunteer, church, parents to care for, etc.) That's what grownups do. Of course if your family doesn't need your salary, and if you jointly feel that whatever risk comes along with a 1-income household is manageable for you, then you should go right ahead and stay home.

But I gotta say, if you're really spending 5 hours every week at Target as half of a dual-income, no kids professional couple, that's kind of bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But I gotta say, if you're really spending 5 hours every week at Target as half of a dual-income, no kids professional couple, that's kind of bizarre.

OP here. I said errands/Target. Target is part of the errands. Other errands include Home Depot, Costco, getting dog food, picking up dry cleaning, etc. Those add up.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me you are a troll, dear god.

But if you are not a troll - yes, it is more common for women with husbands who have "big" jobs and are rarely home to stay home, because doing it all yourself is difficult, and if he has a big job he should have a commensurately big income to support you comfortably and hire outside help too.

If he doesn't make that much money - well, you have to decide if you can afford it. The fact that you find work stressful is kind of irrelevant if you have to work, you know?

To quote Merle Haggard: "Wish I enjoyed what makes my living, did what I do with a willing hand/Some would run, but that ain't like me/so I just dream and keep on bein' the way I am."

[Anonymous]

Ok, it sounds like you do ALL the housework even though you also work full time? And you have a "messy hubby"? Then it makes sense that you would be stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, it sounds like you do ALL the housework even though you also work full time? And you have a "messy hubby"? Then it makes sense that you would be stressed.

OP here. Yep. It's not just housework--it's cooking, errands, all of it. It just adds up to a lot of time. My hubby does what he can but he has a crazy job and doesn't have much free time at home. Maybe some people can effortlessly work full-time, and maintain a household with everything that goes into it, but I have difficulty doing so and it causes a lot of stress. I am also not the type who always likes to be doing something. I like to just sit and relax sometimes.

[Anonymous]

OP, check back with us when you have a newborn. Whooo-weeee, are you in for the shock of your life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, it sounds like you do ALL the housework even though you also work full time? And you have a "messy hubby"? Then it makes sense that you would be stressed.

OP here. Yep. It's not just housework--it's cooking, errands, all of it. It just adds up to a lot of time. My hubby does what he can but he has a crazy job and doesn't have much free time at home. Maybe some people can effortlessly work full-time, and maintain a household with everything that goes into it, but I have difficulty doing so and it causes a lot of stress. I am also not the type who always likes to be doing something. I like to just sit and relax sometimes.

I don't want to add to the mob that's growing but I'm at a loss here too OP - if you did a poll you would fine that most of us have homes, most of us have crappy commutes to work, some in jobs we don't like, many of us also have children, and busy working spouses.

My DH works 12-14 hour days too (law) and we have a slobbery dog, a toddler who is completely demanding, we have a million chores constantly, and I too work full time. Most of us do errands - Target, dry cleaning, grocery shopping, heck even non-errands like clothes shopping - with our kids! That's part of the deal. Not to mention we ALL want to sit and relax, but sometimes life just isn't like that. I get to sit down to relax maybe 30 minutes for every 24 hours, and that includes sitting down to eat dinner with DH at 10pm.

Did you and your mate ever talk about what you guys would do once baby comes? Whether you would stay home and/or whether that was a financial option for you?

I NEVER call troll, but boy this is starting to feel trollish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, it sounds like you do ALL the housework even though you also work full time? And you have a "messy hubby"? Then it makes sense that you would be stressed.

OP here. Yep. It's not just housework--it's cooking, errands, all of it. It just adds up to a lot of time. My hubby does what he can but he has a crazy job and doesn't have much free time at home. Maybe some people can effortlessly work full-time, and maintain a household with everything that goes into it, but I have difficulty doing so and it causes a lot of stress. I am also not the type who always likes to be doing something. I like to just sit and relax sometimes.

Like I said, you should have married rich, because it sounds like you like to relax a lot. As is life is not fair and we all have to work and do household duties. You should not have gotten pets, if they are high maintenance, knowing yourself and maybe you should not really have kids either, or just have one. I also like to relax, kick my feet on the couch after a day of work and 1 hour commute each way using PT, but this doesn't happen until kid is asleep. I am also on my 3rd trimester and tired, but I have a toddler at home to take care of, and both of us work. But we have a weekly housekeeper to do general cleaning and laundry, so that I don't have to do this and a full time nanny while we are at work. But there is still stuff to do, we have to fix our meals, or do take out, we have to do dishes, garbage, bills, organize and tidy up and we have a toddler to care for, entertain, take outside, enroll in school and activities, etc. And we also own rental properties that have to be managed, so DH is always on the phone about something and on weekends he is often gone to fix this and that, he has a job and a half really, and I am pg by myself with the kid and soon to be two. I am one of the laziest people and I still don't find our lives that horrible or chores impossible.

I feel lucky compared to other families, where there is no extra income to hire a weekly housekeeper, yard service and have a nanny, who can stay later if you are delayed at work. Most people have to do it all and they suck it up and do it. You sound like a princess honestly. I am glad your DH makes enough to afford for you to have a part time nanny while you take care of the kid, but sounds to me even while SAH you would not be able to handle it all, you would still whine, unless, you have a full time housekeeper, a nanny and you SAH, so that you can relax. You sound very lazy to me, or you must have some health issues?