would you give your master bedroom up to your inlaws for a night?

[Anonymous]

"The answers to this question are very telling about each responders background more than anything else. Answering one way or the other doesnt make anyone good or bad (although some posters seem to think so) but they do indicate a great deal about your upbrining."

AND the brain washing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oP here. Interesting responses. First, we aren't having a party. DH invited his parents over to watch the game. Some you of you may remember me from a post about a month ago where I said my in laws come and stay 2-3 days every 2 weeks or so. Frankly, I'm getting tired of the constant encroachment, have tried to bring it up with DH but he is rabidly protective of his parents (says they are his Gods) and doesn't care that it bothers me. I always accommodate them but this time, the bed they normally sleep on is in my daughter's room while a new one has been ordered for their normal guest room. My daughter is 9 months old and not STTN in the crib so we have put her on a mattress with beefwood and she's doing much better.

I guess my issue is that if they don't like the bed they are offered they should just drive the 25 minutes home. They are 63 and 65 and in good health.

There - right there - is your problem.

You have a marriage problem and the symptom is an in-laws problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me the issue is not giving up a comfortable space in deference to guests and especially the older generation. The yuck factor comes from having parents (or anyone else) sleep in a space I use for sex and which generally is the most intimate space in the house. It just feels really weird. So if there was mo other choice and I had to do it I would (and I have in the past), but it's a weird blurring of boundaries. I'd rather get a good guest bed set-up. Op!have they said why they don't like the memory foam matttress?

I agree. Such a request crosses all sorts of boundaries.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

I think it is outrageously rude for a guest to comment on their accommodations. I would never dream of doing this. If I didn't like them, the next time I visited them I'd get a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oP here. Interesting responses. First, we aren't having a party. DH invited his parents over to watch the game. Some you of you may remember me from a post about a month ago where I said my in laws come and stay 2-3 days every 2 weeks or so. Frankly, I'm getting tired of the constant encroachment, have tried to bring it up with DH but he is rabidly protective of his parents (says they are his Gods) and doesn't care that it bothers me. I always accommodate them but this time, the bed they normally sleep on is in my daughter's room while a new one has been ordered for their normal guest room. My daughter is 9 months old and not STTN in the crib so we have put her on a mattress with beefwood and she's doing much better.

I guess my issue is that if they don't like the bed they are offered they should just drive the 25 minutes home. They are 63 and 65 and in good health.

There - right there - is your problem.

You have a marriage problem and the symptom is an in-laws problem.

Agree. You have a DH problem that you should tackle sooner rather than later.

With re: to the fact that they do not like their accommodations, then the option is up to them: stay in the guest bedroom or leave.
Under the circumstances you describe, I would not give up my bedroom. Though there may be situations where I'd be (reluctantly for reasons others have offered) willing to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally neurotic and selfish bunch here. Hell yeah, I'd give up my bed for my parents or inlaws. What difference does it make? Give them clean sheets, and then change them after they leave. No big deal at all. I'd actually give up my bed for any guest at all who had a problem with my guest bed.

Ditto. I really don't get this whole thread. Granted, I think it's odd that the OPs ILs would rather spend the night than drive 25 minutes, but whatever. You folks know that when you stay in a hotel, you're sleeping where someone might've had sex, right? And maybe even farted? When my ILs come to stay (they live 8 hours away), we give up our bed, change the sheets, and make it nice and cozy for them. Meanwhile, DH and I sleep in my DD's full-size bed and she gets relegated to the air mattress, which to her is like a big exciting camping vacation.

[Anonymous]

How do they know they'll enjoy sleeping in the master bedroom? Maybe you should invest in a foam mattress cover. Or a chain mail one.

I'd let my in laws who live in Vegas stay in our master bedroom. I would not let your inlaws in the situation you've described. If they stay with you every couple of weeks, soon they'll be staying in your bed each time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Totally neurotic and selfish bunch here. Hell yeah, I'd give up my bed for my parents or inlaws. What difference does it make? Give them clean sheets, and then change them after they leave. No big deal at all. I'd actually give up my bed for any guest at all who had a problem with my guest bed.

I have to agree with this. Not sure about the 'culture' comments, but I' born and raised here in the US, and DH also. We have given up our bed to our parents and his parents quite often. And to other people who come stay. Not sure why it's such a big deal.

If its not cultural for then it is socio-ecomomic. Your parents and in-laws clearly think this is okay, okay to stay with you when you only have two beds instead of pay for a hotel room, and you and DH clearly both come from backgrounds where it is normal. When we had only a 2 bedroom, my parents stayed at a hotel as did DH's. Now we have a dedicated guest room so they stay with us.

[Anonymous]

I do it every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like everything else on this board, the answers reveal a great deal about the poster's socio-economic class and different cultures.

All the posters who stated "of course they would give parents their bed" and "respect your elders" and "those of you who say no should be cursed with kids who treat you badly (or whatever random rambling that was)" and "and with all the times you crawled into their bed" are clearly from a culture or socio-economic class where such things are normal or expected, for indtance where guest rooms are not the norm (space too expensive to hold) or multi-generations live togwether commonoly or where elders are still treated as "higher" on the family hierarchial rungs.

Others, who said absolutely not, that is what a guest room are for, were clearly raised in families with strictly Western traditions (master bedrooms are personal space and off-limits to all but spouse and kids) and in the upper socio-economic strata as you grew up as (and knowing) people who could afford to have a spare bedroom for guests. In those households, guest rooms are often decorated and designed with the guests' comfort in mind and things that are equal to, or better than, the best of the rest of the household. A guest who complained would therefore be a bore as you have offered them your best. Very much a Emily Post- kind-of- philosophy.

The answers to this question are very telling about each responders background more than anything else. Answering one way or the other doesnt make anyone good or bad (although some posters seem to think so) but they do indicate a great deal about your upbrining.

Wow, the scoiology papers you could write based on DCUM repsonses are just fabulous.

I'm one of the "respect your elders" posters. I'm also a 3rd generation WASP 1 percenter living in a home bought by an inheritance (though my family has also stressed the importance of making your own money too and I've worked since I was 12). Never-the-less, I grew up with both summer homes and main houses that had plenty of rooms. I would still always defer to an elder. Period. You either don't know very many wealthy people or you rely too much on stereotypes. You'd be a terrible sociologist.

[Anonymous]

All the posters who stated "of course they would give parents their bed" and "respect your elders" and "those of you who say no should be cursed with kids who treat you badly (or whatever random rambling that was)" and "and with all the times you crawled into their bed" are clearly from a culture or socio-economic class where such things are normal or expected, for indtance where guest rooms are not the norm (space too expensive to hold) or multi-generations live togwether commonoly or where elders are still treated as "higher" on the family hierarchial rungs.

Others, who said absolutely not, that is what a guest room are for, were clearly raised in families with strictly Western traditions (master bedrooms are personal space and off-limits to all but spouse and kids) and in the upper socio-economic strata as you grew up as (and knowing) people who could afford to have a spare bedroom for guests. In those households, guest rooms are often decorated and designed with the guests' comfort in mind and things that are equal to, or better than, the best of the rest of the household. A guest who complained would therefore be a bore as you have offered them your best. Very much a Emily Post- kind-of- philosophy.

This seems inane to me. I would give up the room because it isn't a big deal to me, not because of my socioeconomic background, or the number of rooms that my family had growing up (which would have allowed for guests, btw).