spin-off! What is so awful about attending school with exclusively upper middle class kids?

[Anonymous]

Lots of navel gazing OP. Live and let live. I grew up so poor I didn't own a book until I went to college. We paid our own way -- no loans, no daddy. I wanted my kid to have a better experience. So, I'm thrilled we could afford to send her to a top private. We were the "poorest of the non-poor"...not on F/A...but no McMansion either. My DD understood she would never get her own car even though most of the other kids had their own...with many BMWs and the likes in the mix. She dealt fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I do not know what was different ....

Exactly - you don't know what was the difference - nor do I. But I doubt it was because they went to a private middle school.

What you do with your children's education is a personal choice and I have come to find out not all private schools would work for my kids and not all public schools would work for my kid - even if it works for yours.

If you can pick the one that is the best for them personally then great. Don't you think you determine their bubble - not their school - their schools is not their whole life.

Some private schools are culturally diverse and some are not. Some public schools are culturally diverse and some are not. We chose lower housing cost and private school - but that is because we like our neighborhood and the private school is the best school for my son's learning style.

I find it interesting that this thread can make some blanket assumptions about boys that are 11, 12 and 13 years old based on 1 choice in their life - their middle school.

A year ago my son basically judged a kid on how well they can throw the football. (Race/religion/wealth not even on the radar) Now he realizes kids are cool even if they can't throw a football - for me that is progress. These kids are just 11 years old. It's like they are all going to grow up to be a bunch of arrogant bigots because of their middle school.

That seems a little narrowly focused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16:53 I think you pinpoint one of the more important issues about some well off kids. They just can't imagine a world of not just privilege but extreme privilege. I am white but went to inner-city schools and paid my own way through undergraduate at a state school and have enormous debts from graduate school at American. I found my years at American to be a bit of nightmare because so many kids just had no concept of what it was like not to have the latest, mommy and daddy paying rent in a nice building and not working. I ultimately did not pursue the work I wanted to do because I what I found when I got my degree was that there so many of these kids who could afford to not work for decent wages in the non-profit world that I could not survive. It may have also been an indication that I did not have a strong enough desire to be poor any more...

16:53 here again
Oh I can so relate to you. Yes, the fact that I had to work for pay and select jobs based on real pay (and not $100/wk stipends) was often a large difference also. Many stepping stone internships paid little to nothing but the experience typically lead to a position after school or entry into a field that is not easy to break into. I just couldn't make that choice to live more poorly than I did when I was in school....so I had to turn some of those great non-paying positions down unfortunately. It all just felt very rigged against you if you were not from wealth. Mom & Dad paying rent? Heck some of my classmates parents bought them homes near the campus in the city! Don't get me wrong, I do not begrudge the student or the parents for having made the sacrifices or financial plan to give their child the best experience so they didn't have to worry about money or working and could focus on school. Heck, I am sure many of us hope to be able to help our own children in similar ways if we are able without interfering with our retirement planning. The only gripe here is just the lack of awareness or sensitivity that how they live is not a common experience.

[Anonymous]

Let me get my violin out pps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answer: In the early formative educational years choosing a private school with exclusively upper middle class kids would deprive my children of the true competitive landscape (academic and intellectual, creative, social and athletic) found in bigger and more diverse ponds.

I prefer early vaccination (exposure and immunization) for my children with this broad experience for life's long haul rather than raising them in a bubble environment. This approach, as in my upbringing, will make my children my resilient for life's unexpected turns and curve balls in the long run.

This is the approach I prefer to adopt rather than throwing them into the unrealistic coccoon of an elite private school from Pre-K through middle school.

After early immunization I believe many kids are well prepared (intellectually, socially, emotional and physically) to re-enter some of these elite establishments in high school and/or college to witness and gain exposure to how some of their "entitled" and non-immunized brethen think, behave and act -- also a very useful experience for life's long haul.

I found this post interesting because I had this exact experience, and think it's true. I went to a solid middle class elem public school, junior high, and a very rough high school (gang members, metal detectors, police staffing after school). I am Caucasian, which was a minority, so much so that people yelled "Honky" at me in the halls, snapped my bra, knocked me over while running track. (It all stopped when the cool girls overheard me telling my friend that a black guy was "hot" at a bb game; and they realized that I was indeed human.) FF to sophomore year of HS, where I ended up on the opposite side of town in one of the top public high schools in the nation. I was shocked and sickened by the fancy cars, the nurse leaving work to go to a wealthy student's home because he forgot his homework, and the principal who stood on stage and said that our school was "exceptionally diverse because we have students from the UK, France, Norway, Switzerland." (My mom forwarded me an article a decade later when he was charged with making racist statements.) I feel that my earlier experience grounded me, but I am grateful for having changed schools because it motivated me to do better. HOWEVER, this was in the case of not having parents who were navigating my life for me. Now that I'm living in NW DC, I strive to give my kids grounding experiences because they are living a way more privileged life than I ever did. (Though I get that some may argue it's impossible for me to do just by virtue of living in NW DC. I'm okay with that.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I found this post interesting because I had this exact experience, and think it's true. I went to a solid middle class elem public school, junior high, and a very rough high school (gang members, metal detectors, police staffing after school). I am Caucasian, which was a minority, so much so that people yelled "Honky" at me in the halls, snapped my bra, knocked me over while running track. (It all stopped when the cool girls overheard me telling my friend that a black guy was "hot" at a bb game; and they realized that I was indeed human.) FF to sophomore year of HS, where I ended up on the opposite side of town in one of the top public high schools in the nation. I was shocked and sickened by the fancy cars, the nurse leaving work to go to a wealthy student's home because he forgot his homework, and the principal who stood on stage and said that our school was "exceptionally diverse because we have students from the UK, France, Norway, Switzerland." (My mom forwarded me an article a decade later when he was charged with making racist statements.) I feel that my earlier experience grounded me, but I am grateful for having changed schools because it motivated me to do better. HOWEVER, this was in the case of not having parents who were navigating my life for me. Now that I'm living in NW DC, I strive to give my kids grounding experiences because they are living a way more privileged life than I ever did. (Though I get that some may argue it's impossible for me to do just by virtue of living in NW DC. I'm okay with that.)

While I agree that there is value in you early high school experience it is narrow. I would not discount the diversity of other nations. A friend of ours actually explained what was going on in Egypt to us because she had first hand knowledge with family living there through the uprising. I don't think my kids or I could have really understood what was going on through news reports.

I think if you said you were sickened by the kids in the "rough" high school you would be racist but you feel real comfortable saying you are sickened by kids with fancy cars. I think tolerance and understanding when you are looking in either direction is the true lesson for our kids.

I do not think it is impossible for you to give your kids a wealth or experiences because you are in NW DC - it is as important for you to do it as any other parent not matter their race or religion or socioeconomic background.

I still think it is narrow just for our white middle class kids to be vaccinated or immunized (both of those term really bother me BTW) of others.

I feel having all these experiences help in life - at work I have to deal with doctors and lawyers and I think having been in upper middle class experiences has helped me with that part of my life. I try to make sure my children have all kinds of experiences and talk about how we always view others as having strengths and weaknesses and trying to be compassionate of the weaknesses and proud of their strengths.

I do not want my kids to have a narrow view of black and Hispanic kids - they are not all poor and they are not all "rough". Some are from England, Haiti, West Africa or African American. Some are rich - some are poor. Their skin color does not define them.

School can not be responsible for all our kids experiences the parents must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I found this post interesting because I had this exact experience, and think it's true. I went to a solid middle class elem public school, junior high, and a very rough high school (gang members, metal detectors, police staffing after school). I am Caucasian, which was a minority, so much so that people yelled "Honky" at me in the halls, snapped my bra, knocked me over while running track. (It all stopped when the cool girls overheard me telling my friend that a black guy was "hot" at a bb game; and they realized that I was indeed human.) FF to sophomore year of HS, where I ended up on the opposite side of town in one of the top public high schools in the nation. I was shocked and sickened by the fancy cars, the nurse leaving work to go to a wealthy student's home because he forgot his homework, and the principal who stood on stage and said that our school was "exceptionally diverse because we have students from the UK, France, Norway, Switzerland." (My mom forwarded me an article a decade later when he was charged with making racist statements.) I feel that my earlier experience grounded me, but I am grateful for having changed schools because it motivated me to do better. HOWEVER, this was in the case of not having parents who were navigating my life for me. Now that I'm living in NW DC, I strive to give my kids grounding experiences because they are living a way more privileged life than I ever did. (Though I get that some may argue it's impossible for me to do just by virtue of living in NW DC. I'm okay with that.)

While I agree that there is value in you early high school experience it is narrow. I would not discount the diversity of other nations. A friend of ours actually explained what was going on in Egypt to us because she had first hand knowledge with family living there through the uprising. I don't think my kids or I could have really understood what was going on through news reports.

I think if you said you were sickened by the kids in the "rough" high school you would be racist but you feel real comfortable saying you are sickened by kids with fancy cars. I think tolerance and understanding when you are looking in either direction is the true lesson for our kids.

I do not think it is impossible for you to give your kids a wealth or experiences because you are in NW DC - it is as important for you to do it as any other parent not matter their race or religion or socioeconomic background.

I still think it is narrow just for our white middle class kids to be vaccinated or immunized (both of those term really bother me BTW) of others.

I feel having all these experiences help in life - at work I have to deal with doctors and lawyers and I think having been in upper middle class experiences has helped me with that part of my life. I try to make sure my children have all kinds of experiences and talk about how we always view others as having strengths and weaknesses and trying to be compassionate of the weaknesses and proud of their strengths.

I do not want my kids to have a narrow view of black and Hispanic kids - they are not all poor and they are not all "rough". Some are from England, Haiti, West Africa or African American. Some are rich - some are poor. Their skin color does not define them.

School can not be responsible for all our kids experiences the parents must be.

I think we basically agree, but to point out a couple of things. When you are sitting in a lily white room to proclaim that it is diverse, it's a bit exaggerated for me. If you believe the world is "flat" then I wouldn't recommend setting the bar that low. I shouldn't have said I was sickened by all fancy cars, in fact my dh drives a luxury car. However, I think that parents giving their children brand new luxury cars at 16, which is what happened at my school, is not teaching them the value of hard work. Finally, I'm not the "vaccinated and immunized" poster, but it doesn't bother me as there is a fit. Finally, I feel that my experience most definitely shaped me, there is no question I would be the same person if I'd gone all the way through at that fancy district. But, I understand that kids will relate to the same experiences in totally different ways; and that we ultimately cannot shape our child's destiny by trying to control those experiences, which may or may not turn out the way we expect (or hope).

[Anonymous]

Is the woman whose former principal made racist statements from Los Gatos, CA? Maybe we know each other. Or were their multiple Pincipals making racist statements?

[Anonymous]

No kid should get a car at 16. I got a fancy one at 16 and within 2 months it was totalled. What a sense of entitlement I had!! I'm lucky to be alive and learned not to be so cocky.

My kid is getting a BMW at 16:

B: Bike
M: Metro
W: Walk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I found this post interesting because I had this exact experience, and think it's true. I went to a solid middle class elem public school, junior high, and a very rough high school (gang members, metal detectors, police staffing after school). I am Caucasian, which was a minority, so much so that people yelled "Honky" at me in the halls, snapped my bra, knocked me over while running track. (It all stopped when the cool girls overheard me telling my friend that a black guy was "hot" at a bb game; and they realized that I was indeed human.) FF to sophomore year of HS, where I ended up on the opposite side of town in one of the top public high schools in the nation. I was shocked and sickened by the fancy cars, the nurse leaving work to go to a wealthy student's home because he forgot his homework, and the principal who stood on stage and said that our school was "exceptionally diverse because we have students from the UK, France, Norway, Switzerland." (My mom forwarded me an article a decade later when he was charged with making racist statements.) I feel that my earlier experience grounded me, but I am grateful for having changed schools because it motivated me to do better. HOWEVER, this was in the case of not having parents who were navigating my life for me. Now that I'm living in NW DC, I strive to give my kids grounding experiences because they are living a way more privileged life than I ever did. (Though I get that some may argue it's impossible for me to do just by virtue of living in NW DC. I'm okay with that.)

While I agree that there is value in you early high school experience it is narrow. I would not discount the diversity of other nations. A friend of ours actually explained what was going on in Egypt to us because she had first hand knowledge with family living there through the uprising. I don't think my kids or I could have really understood what was going on through news reports.

I think if you said you were sickened by the kids in the "rough" high school you would be racist but you feel real comfortable saying you are sickened by kids with fancy cars. I think tolerance and understanding when you are looking in either direction is the true lesson for our kids.

I do not think it is impossible for you to give your kids a wealth or experiences because you are in NW DC - it is as important for you to do it as any other parent not matter their race or religion or socioeconomic background.

I still think it is narrow just for our white middle class kids to be vaccinated or immunized (both of those term really bother me BTW) of others.

I feel having all these experiences help in life - at work I have to deal with doctors and lawyers and I think having been in upper middle class experiences has helped me with that part of my life. I try to make sure my children have all kinds of experiences and talk about how we always view others as having strengths and weaknesses and trying to be compassionate of the weaknesses and proud of their strengths.

I do not want my kids to have a narrow view of black and Hispanic kids - they are not all poor and they are not all "rough". Some are from England, Haiti, West Africa or African American. Some are rich - some are poor. Their skin color does not define them.

School can not be responsible for all our kids experiences the parents must be.

I think we basically agree, but to point out a couple of things. When you are sitting in a lily white room to proclaim that it is diverse, it's a bit exaggerated for me. If you believe the world is "flat" then I wouldn't recommend setting the bar that low. I shouldn't have said I was sickened by all fancy cars, in fact my dh drives a luxury car. However, I think that parents giving their children brand new luxury cars at 16, which is what happened at my school, is not teaching them the value of hard work. Finally, I'm not the "vaccinated and immunized" poster, but it doesn't bother me as there is a fit. Finally, I feel that my experience most definitely shaped me, there is no question I would be the same person if I'd gone all the way through at that fancy district. But, I understand that kids will relate to the same experiences in totally different ways; and that we ultimately cannot shape our child's destiny by trying to control those experiences, which may or may not turn out the way we expect (or hope).

I don't discount that your experiences helped shape you.

I also can't say that a upper middle class schooling will create a "flat" child. I choose to let my kids learn kids of color are the same as everybody else - I am not sure where in MoCo even in Potomac that there is not diversity. I am not sure I would say a classroom of kids that are Thai, Chinese, Pakistani, South American, West African, etc are lily white. I think that there is too much emphasis on just black and hispanic being diversity.

I have yet to own a luxury car so I doubt my kids will until they buy one but I had friends that drove them that were not entitled and I had friends that drove clunkers that were self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I found this post interesting because I had this exact experience, and think it's true. I went to a solid middle class elem public school, junior high, and a very rough high school (gang members, metal detectors, police staffing after school). I am Caucasian, which was a minority, so much so that people yelled "Honky" at me in the halls, snapped my bra, knocked me over while running track. (It all stopped when the cool girls overheard me telling my friend that a black guy was "hot" at a bb game; and they realized that I was indeed human.) FF to sophomore year of HS, where I ended up on the opposite side of town in one of the top public high schools in the nation. I was shocked and sickened by the fancy cars, the nurse leaving work to go to a wealthy student's home because he forgot his homework, and the principal who stood on stage and said that our school was "exceptionally diverse because we have students from the UK, France, Norway, Switzerland." (My mom forwarded me an article a decade later when he was charged with making racist statements.) I feel that my earlier experience grounded me, but I am grateful for having changed schools because it motivated me to do better. HOWEVER, this was in the case of not having parents who were navigating my life for me. Now that I'm living in NW DC, I strive to give my kids grounding experiences because they are living a way more privileged life than I ever did. (Though I get that some may argue it's impossible for me to do just by virtue of living in NW DC. I'm okay with that.)

While I agree that there is value in you early high school experience it is narrow. I would not discount the diversity of other nations. A friend of ours actually explained what was going on in Egypt to us because she had first hand knowledge with family living there through the uprising. I don't think my kids or I could have really understood what was going on through news reports.

I think if you said you were sickened by the kids in the "rough" high school you would be racist but you feel real comfortable saying you are sickened by kids with fancy cars. I think tolerance and understanding when you are looking in either direction is the true lesson for our kids.

I do not think it is impossible for you to give your kids a wealth or experiences because you are in NW DC - it is as important for you to do it as any other parent not matter their race or religion or socioeconomic background.

I still think it is narrow just for our white middle class kids to be vaccinated or immunized (both of those term really bother me BTW) of others.

I feel having all these experiences help in life - at work I have to deal with doctors and lawyers and I think having been in upper middle class experiences has helped me with that part of my life. I try to make sure my children have all kinds of experiences and talk about how we always view others as having strengths and weaknesses and trying to be compassionate of the weaknesses and proud of their strengths.

I do not want my kids to have a narrow view of black and Hispanic kids - they are not all poor and they are not all "rough". Some are from England, Haiti, West Africa or African American. Some are rich - some are poor. Their skin color does not define them.

School can not be responsible for all our kids experiences the parents must be.

I think we basically agree, but to point out a couple of things. When you are sitting in a lily white room to proclaim that it is diverse, it's a bit exaggerated for me. If you believe the world is "flat" then I wouldn't recommend setting the bar that low. I shouldn't have said I was sickened by all fancy cars, in fact my dh drives a luxury car. However, I think that parents giving their children brand new luxury cars at 16, which is what happened at my school, is not teaching them the value of hard work. Finally, I'm not the "vaccinated and immunized" poster, but it doesn't bother me as there is a fit. Finally, I feel that my experience most definitely shaped me, there is no question I would be the same person if I'd gone all the way through at that fancy district. But, I understand that kids will relate to the same experiences in totally different ways; and that we ultimately cannot shape our child's destiny by trying to control those experiences, which may or may not turn out the way we expect (or hope).

I don't discount that your experiences helped shape you.

I also can't say that a upper middle class schooling will create a "flat" child. I choose to let my kids learn kids of color are the same as everybody else - I am not sure where in MoCo even in Potomac that there is not diversity. I am not sure I would say a classroom of kids that are Thai, Chinese, Pakistani, South American, West African, etc are lily white. I think that there is too much emphasis on just black and hispanic being diversity.

I have yet to own a luxury car so I doubt my kids will until they buy one but I had friends that drove them that were not entitled and I had friends that drove clunkers that were self absorbed.

No, no, this flat: http://www.thomaslfriedman.com/bookshelf/the-world-is-flat

[Anonymous]

My bad on the flat reference - so no not in my life time or even my kids.

But I don't think I could have ever imagined, for myself, that I could work abroad - even though I probably could have.

Parts of my family could never imagine living and working anywhere other than Pennsylvania in their coal mining town or a few miles away.

But I do believe my children can and will work internationally at some point in their lives. It will not seem so out of the ordinary to travel and stay and work abroad - all their friends do it.

So I do think the diversity of many nations is more important, for their ultimate growth, than just making sure kids go to school with poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Luckily, in this area, you don't have to attend a private school to obtain an international atmosphere. DC is in a public school in Alexandria, with fellow students from over 50 nations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Luckily, in this area, you don't have to attend a private school to obtain an international atmosphere. DC is in a public school in Alexandria, with fellow students from over 50 nations.

Luckily we don' t need to attend a private school to obtain an international atmosphere either.

Unfortunately, my kids need to go to private school to get get eduacated - since they are learning disabled but not learning disbaled enough in the eyes of public schools (which is a whole other thread).
Actually many kids in our school are in the same situation.

I do, unfortuanately, have to have conversations with them about being perceived as bratty rich kids simply because of the sweatshirts they wear.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the entire thread from start to finish so I apologize if I'm repeating anything already discussed.

Sounds like some rich parents want their kids to go to school with less fortunate kids so that their kids will see how blessed they are, get some perspective, a reality dose, etc. Those are very lofty goals. I'm standing on the other side of this equation, as the parent of a less fortunate child who goes to school with the rich kids. I can't afford to dress her in name brand clothing, in fact, a lot of her clothing has holes and tears in it, as I'm stretching them out over 2-3 years. Some days, I go without eating so she can eat. Every once in a while, neither of us has any food to eat. We don't take a vacation at Easter break to the Bahamas. She won't get a car for her 16th birthday, etc., etc.

So has her presence in this school populated by the children of wealthy increased their awareness as so many of you assume it will *automatically* do? I doubt it. She gets teased, made fun of and put down. Our conclusion: rich people are mean and we'll be leaving as soon as we can. And the rich will probably breathe a sigh of relief as they won't have us around to remind them how "blessed" they are.