Which of these 3 options in NYC as a primary earning mom who has to RTO?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I would send them to a city public. I went to a rough high school and it was an... experience. I definitely feel like it's been part of my identity. Aren't there a lot of high schools in NYC that you can test into/magnets?

Op - there are 5 but they are suuuuper competitive (Stuyvesant/ Brooklyn tech/ Bronx science etc). I don’t know that those are in the cards for my kids

Your kid has a better chance at a top college if they go to a lower ranked, inner city school. It will build character.

op - uhhhhh noooo....

stuyvesant/ top privates send 20-40%+ kids to ivies. That's compared to around maybe 3% for average NYC public, if that.

1) Stuyvesant does not send 20-40% to Ivies, probably 8-10% at most. I know because one of my kids went there. You might have seen the statistics on acceptances which seems higher because there are super brilliant kids who also happen to be FGLI and get into multiple Ivies.

2) There are more than 5 SHSAT schools. Even if some of them don’t work for you location wise, it’s still a lesser competition. There are also other highly rated schools - Beacon, Bard, Millennium, NEST, ElRo etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:1. Live in a 1000 square foot apartment and send my kids to $65k per kid per year privates (bad public options where we live) so that I can commute into an office and spend most of my time on teams calls but still keep my commute to 30 mins and make it home by 6.30 and save a small amount each year
2. Live in a larger apartment/ house, send my kids to $65k per year privates (same issue as above) and commute just under an hour to work where I am in teams calls 80% of the time with colleagues across the country and save a small amount each year
3. Move to the suburbs and spend no money on school, more money on taxes, have a larger home, but commute 3 hours a day 3-4 times a week so that I can be in person in an office where i am on teams calls. Save more each year but potentially quit and burn out because I am bad at making peace with substantial inconvenience.
in a world where no option is perfect, what is the option?

I’m a New Yorker in the same RTO boat. Not the primary earner but my income (and more my earning potential) does really help. I’m debating leaving my job because as the default parent I do not feel like being gone 12+ hours a day (including 3-4 hours commuting per day) 3 days a week is good for my family. But I keep second guessing myself because lots of moms do it and their kids seem to be fine.

We already live in the suburbs. I’m not moving. Have lots of friends who do the commuting but you’re going to need a really good - and expensive - nanny unless your spouse is around a lot.

If your kids are going the NYC private route I would want to live closer to where their friends will be. So I’m not sure if option 2 makes sense, even though it sounds like the middle ground. If your kids will have friends in whatever neighborhood you’re referring to in option 2 (riverdale, Brooklyn etc) then it’s more of a decent option.

Personally id do 1 or 3 to either fully optimize for proximity to work or space + good schools in the suburbs. I think in option 2 you’ll be paying nyc taxes without the perks of a good nyc neighborhood or being close to school + work.

This is good advice. We are in the suburbs (CT) and one of us commutes into the financial district and the other person is remote. We have three kids in 2nd, Pre-K, and half day preschool and a nanny in the afternoon and early evening. A good nanny and a few different childcare options is so important.

I would do suburbs. NYC is just so hard. The city taxes, the smallness of everything, the bad public options or the privates with super out of touch parents. Get yourself out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In my lower Westchester town, before school care starts at 7:30 and after school lasts until 6. Plenty of homes are walking distance to the train station (mine included) and the express is 30 minutes to Grand Central. My office is another 15 minutes on the subway. Counting walking, etc., the commute is just under an hour. We have tons of space and the schools are free and excellent.

My sister lives in Brooklyn D15, and her kids also go to an excellent free school. She has less space than we do but is still comfortable, and her commute is shorter by about 20 minutes.

There are a lot of different ways to do this, but you need to familiarize yourself with the many good public schools in NYC and the surrounding area!

I’m the pp who lives in westchester. 7:30-6pm is a REALLY long day for kids to be in before care, school and aftercare. And don’t they age out of before/after care once they hit middle school - then what? Kids need an adult around, don’t they? Asking, not judging - my kids are younger than yours and I’m trying to sort out my own RTO demands. Working in thr city feels really undoable if you want quantity of time with your kids

You need a nanny or stay at home parent. My spouse does a 60-90 minute drive commute each way from VA to MD and its sole sucking. One accident can set you back hours and its the only in/out. They cannot switch jobs and moving is financially not worth it but if I was moving I'd go closer to work.

We have a sitter and a wfh parent and some days we struggle.

If you have a sitter and a wfh parent, then you have a problem. This makes no sense when there are two available adults and your sitter handles most things.

WFH parent is still working from 8-5.
We don’t waste tax payers money like your friends do.

Tax payer money has nothing to do with wfh but they can manage just fine with a wfh parent and babysitter. This is bizzare.

Not if you have young children. I am not PP but my kids are 7, 5, and 3. My work day is 9 pm-6 pm and I can’t work and pick up and watch my youngest from 12-6, my middle child from 2:30-6, and my oldest from 3-6 pm. If my youngest child was 7+ and I had lots of flexibility then maybe.

[Anonymous]

We lived over an hour away in the suburbs but with one job requiring RTO and being in a part of the city that is much farther away, it was just too much and moved back to the city.

There are decent public options depending on the neighborhood and then you can have the kids transfer for private high school or boarding school.