Kinda Dumb But Kinda Weird.

[Anonymous]

We’ve never discussed our numbers. We did ask about cheating and monogamy though. Far more important to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Bro, tell your man to chill. "about 25 pictures" isn't 25, and you don't cite what he was told her "number" was for comparison, so it's entirely possible that she said something like "twentyish" and he wasn't lied to at all. It's also entirely possible that your unhinged-sounding brother not-so-jokingly accused her of being a "sloot", to which she responded, in kind, and with an eyeroll, "yeah, I slept with every single one of them".

Tell your brother to get to the meat of why he's really upset, and then go from there. If he's otherwise happy in his marriage, this should be resolvable. If he's been unhappy, well, doesn't this make a convenient thing to blow up a relationship over... Either way, your brother sounds combative and insecure, and accusing her of "lying" is a lot.

He also sounds misogynist, as does most of this thread. How were you raised, and what's your relationship with your mom like?

A+ on reading somethig and making up a completely different story based on ..... nothing. Any lady admitting she dropped on her back for double digits while a teen is a slut by any measure.

and you are objectively a misogynistic pig.

No. I love women. Just not ones that open their legs to everyone.

You don't love women while shaming women. That's not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Honestly, if my brother asked me this, I would ask him if he was upset about the lie or upset about the number. Either way my brother answers, I’d still tell him he’s sexist. The whole conversation about numbers is sexist - women are judged for their number in a way that a man would not be. Your brother feels like it is his role to investigate and question his wife about her sexual history that happened a decade before your brother met and married her - that is bananas sexist and controlling. Who his wife slept with prior to him is actually none of his business. If he was worried about STDs, then the thing to do is get tested and negotiate monogamy. If he was worried about sexual fidelity, then the thing to do is talk about that and negotiate it explicitly, not guess whether fidelity will won’t happen because of past sexual history.

The conversation about numbers also doesn’t include any thought to the ways in which women are taught about their sexuality by the culture - ways that encourage them to sleep with men (gatekeeping sex and childbirth are still a woman’s main power even in these modern times) or ways in which they are sexually abused which encourages a cycle of sleeping with people to soothe or act out abuse, and then there’s the whole aspect of figuring out your sexuality and what you do and don’t like in people.

Honestly, if a guy asked me for my number, I would dump him. Your brother is lucky she didn’t do that to him.

Dumping him for asking the question is of course principled, and I respect your view there; lying instead is not. You don’t get to decide what other people should and should not care about in selecting a spouse, and if she knew the information was material to his decision and she lied anyway, that’s an act of profoundly low character. This idea that there are certain things that are “none of your business” in selecting a spouse seems entirely indefensible to me, when considering making a lifetime commitment to someone it is reasonable to be interested in basically everything about that person, and if you want someone to commit to you for a lifetime, you should be willing to be honest. It should not be a high-stakes poker game where you conceal information to get the result you want.

Even “that’s none of your business” is fine. That makes everyone’s boundaries clear, and everyone gets to make decisions both based on the fact that the question was asked (and what that says about the asker) and the answer that was given.

Choosing to answer and intentionally lying in an effort to deceive someone to whom you are making lifelong promises purportedly on a foundation of trust is something else entirely.

Of course it is. But some rando slut with a chip on her shoulder wants to claim it isn't. Imagine a thread about a women discovering the man she married had lied about wanting or having kids. Same thing. The b**ch lied about something important to him.

awwwwww poor baby. Maybe you should work on that hatred for women a little bit. I bet it will do wonders for your sex life if you're just not a POS.

DP and NO. Maybe you should stop making double standards for women. That contributes to all of this. Women don't get to lie freely about something you would criticize a man for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Honestly, if my brother asked me this, I would ask him if he was upset about the lie or upset about the number. Either way my brother answers, I’d still tell him he’s sexist. The whole conversation about numbers is sexist - women are judged for their number in a way that a man would not be. Your brother feels like it is his role to investigate and question his wife about her sexual history that happened a decade before your brother met and married her - that is bananas sexist and controlling. Who his wife slept with prior to him is actually none of his business. If he was worried about STDs, then the thing to do is get tested and negotiate monogamy. If he was worried about sexual fidelity, then the thing to do is talk about that and negotiate it explicitly, not guess whether fidelity will won’t happen because of past sexual history.

The conversation about numbers also doesn’t include any thought to the ways in which women are taught about their sexuality by the culture - ways that encourage them to sleep with men (gatekeeping sex and childbirth are still a woman’s main power even in these modern times) or ways in which they are sexually abused which encourages a cycle of sleeping with people to soothe or act out abuse, and then there’s the whole aspect of figuring out your sexuality and what you do and don’t like in people.

Honestly, if a guy asked me for my number, I would dump him. Your brother is lucky she didn’t do that to him.

Dumping him for asking the question is of course principled, and I respect your view there; lying instead is not. You don’t get to decide what other people should and should not care about in selecting a spouse, and if she knew the information was material to his decision and she lied anyway, that’s an act of profoundly low character. This idea that there are certain things that are “none of your business” in selecting a spouse seems entirely indefensible to me, when considering making a lifetime commitment to someone it is reasonable to be interested in basically everything about that person, and if you want someone to commit to you for a lifetime, you should be willing to be honest. It should not be a high-stakes poker game where you conceal information to get the result you want.

Even “that’s none of your business” is fine. That makes everyone’s boundaries clear, and everyone gets to make decisions both based on the fact that the question was asked (and what that says about the asker) and the answer that was given.

Choosing to answer and intentionally lying in an effort to deceive someone to whom you are making lifelong promises purportedly on a foundation of trust is something else entirely.

Of course it is. But some rando slut with a chip on her shoulder wants to claim it isn't. Imagine a thread about a women discovering the man she married had lied about wanting or having kids. Same thing. The b**ch lied about something important to him.

awwwwww poor baby. Maybe you should work on that hatred for women a little bit. I bet it will do wonders for your sex life if you're just not a POS.

DP and NO. Maybe you should stop making double standards for women. That contributes to all of this. Women don't get to lie freely about something you would criticize a man for.

what double standard? these questions are dumb but men lie about their numbers just as often as women do. Y'all just don't seem to see the problem with men sleeping around.

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of Best in Show. 😀

[Anonymous]

NP. People defending the wife are off base.

First, she lied about something that mattered to her husband. Sexual history is a pretty big subject before marriage. If you are one of those people who is all defensive and insists it's no one's business, then be clear before you sleep with someone and just don't sleep with or marry people who care to know. You have that choice. Lying is not acceptable. If there is a disconnect about what should or shouldn't matter, then you have to sort that out before marriage.

Second, we are talking about 25 people as a teen. Not talking about a full-grown adult woman and her choices. Talking about a teen. That kind of promiscuity as a teen suggest some major issues. It makes me wonder if she suffered abuse.

At the end of the day, she lied. Not cool, not excusable. What the DH does with that is up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. People defending the wife are off base.

First, she lied about something that mattered to her husband. Sexual history is a pretty big subject before marriage. If you are one of those people who is all defensive and insists it's no one's business, then be clear before you sleep with someone and just don't sleep with or marry people who care to know. You have that choice. Lying is not acceptable. If there is a disconnect about what should or shouldn't matter, then you have to sort that out before marriage.

Second, we are talking about 25 people as a teen. Not talking about a full-grown adult woman and her choices. Talking about a teen. That kind of promiscuity as a teen suggest some major issues. It makes me wonder if she suffered abuse.

At the end of the day, she lied. Not cool, not excusable. What the DH does with that is up to him.

Pretty sure you are off base. When I was dating, if someone started grilling me about this kind of stupid shit, I'd drop them like a hot potato. Go work out your insecurities on someone else.

[Anonymous]

I get that a person might want to insist on an STD test prior to wanting to be sexually intimate with a new partner because that could impact their own health. The rest of sexual history is simply none of your business and people who insist on having it are just deeply insecure. To be upset about this after 13 years of marriage is dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People defending the wife are off base.

First, she lied about something that mattered to her husband. Sexual history is a pretty big subject before marriage. If you are one of those people who is all defensive and insists it's no one's business, then be clear before you sleep with someone and just don't sleep with or marry people who care to know. You have that choice. Lying is not acceptable. If there is a disconnect about what should or shouldn't matter, then you have to sort that out before marriage.

Second, we are talking about 25 people as a teen. Not talking about a full-grown adult woman and her choices. Talking about a teen. That kind of promiscuity as a teen suggest some major issues. It makes me wonder if she suffered abuse.

At the end of the day, she lied. Not cool, not excusable. What the DH does with that is up to him.

Pretty sure you are off base. When I was dating, if someone started grilling me about this kind of stupid shit, I'd drop them like a hot potato. Go work out your insecurities on someone else.

Ha, no. Having standards is not insecure. Work on your reading comprehension. Dropping them like a hot potato is your choice. Dropping YOU because you have shit to hide is also their choice. See, everybody wins in this scenario. You lying not acceptable.

Why is this so hard for promiscuous people to comprehend. Go do your thing and stick to your own kind. The promiscuous people on this thread are such judgy hypocrites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get that a person might want to insist on an STD test prior to wanting to be sexually intimate with a new partner because that could impact their own health. The rest of sexual history is simply none of your business and people who insist on having it are just deeply insecure. To be upset about this after 13 years of marriage is dumb.

Having to hide your sexual history from someone you intend to make a lifelong commitment to is the height of insecurity. You guys are big into projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't ask questions if you can't handle the answers. This was before they met. Who cares? He is looking for reasons to be mad at her.

She didn't give the answer jackass. She lied. So your whole post is nonsensical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Honestly, if my brother asked me this, I would ask him if he was upset about the lie or upset about the number. Either way my brother answers, I’d still tell him he’s sexist. The whole conversation about numbers is sexist - women are judged for their number in a way that a man would not be. Your brother feels like it is his role to investigate and question his wife about her sexual history that happened a decade before your brother met and married her - that is bananas sexist and controlling. Who his wife slept with prior to him is actually none of his business. If he was worried about STDs, then the thing to do is get tested and negotiate monogamy. If he was worried about sexual fidelity, then the thing to do is talk about that and negotiate it explicitly, not guess whether fidelity will won’t happen because of past sexual history.

The conversation about numbers also doesn’t include any thought to the ways in which women are taught about their sexuality by the culture - ways that encourage them to sleep with men (gatekeeping sex and childbirth are still a woman’s main power even in these modern times) or ways in which they are sexually abused which encourages a cycle of sleeping with people to soothe or act out abuse, and then there’s the whole aspect of figuring out your sexuality and what you do and don’t like in people.

Honestly, if a guy asked me for my number, I would dump him. Your brother is lucky she didn’t do that to him.

Dumping him for asking the question is of course principled, and I respect your view there; lying instead is not. You don’t get to decide what other people should and should not care about in selecting a spouse, and if she knew the information was material to his decision and she lied anyway, that’s an act of profoundly low character. This idea that there are certain things that are “none of your business” in selecting a spouse seems entirely indefensible to me, when considering making a lifetime commitment to someone it is reasonable to be interested in basically everything about that person, and if you want someone to commit to you for a lifetime, you should be willing to be honest. It should not be a high-stakes poker game where you conceal information to get the result you want.

Even “that’s none of your business” is fine. That makes everyone’s boundaries clear, and everyone gets to make decisions both based on the fact that the question was asked (and what that says about the asker) and the answer that was given.

Choosing to answer and intentionally lying in an effort to deceive someone to whom you are making lifelong promises purportedly on a foundation of trust is something else entirely.

Of course it is. But some rando slut with a chip on her shoulder wants to claim it isn't. Imagine a thread about a women discovering the man she married had lied about wanting or having kids. Same thing. The b**ch lied about something important to him.

awwwwww poor baby. Maybe you should work on that hatred for women a little bit. I bet it will do wonders for your sex life if you're just not a POS.

DP and NO. Maybe you should stop making double standards for women. That contributes to all of this. Women don't get to lie freely about something you would criticize a man for.

what double standard? these questions are dumb but men lie about their numbers just as often as women do. Y'all just don't seem to see the problem with men sleeping around.

I had never posted before so I never said that. Lying is shitty no matter who does it. Just say you don't want to discuss it. If that's a dealbreaker, then move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. People defending the wife are off base.

First, she lied about something that mattered to her husband. Sexual history is a pretty big subject before marriage. If you are one of those people who is all defensive and insists it's no one's business, then be clear before you sleep with someone and just don't sleep with or marry people who care to know. You have that choice. Lying is not acceptable. If there is a disconnect about what should or shouldn't matter, then you have to sort that out before marriage.

Second, we are talking about 25 people as a teen. Not talking about a full-grown adult woman and her choices. Talking about a teen. That kind of promiscuity as a teen suggest some major issues. It makes me wonder if she suffered abuse.

At the end of the day, she lied. Not cool, not excusable. What the DH does with that is up to him.

Pretty sure you are off base. When I was dating, if someone started grilling me about this kind of stupid shit, I'd drop them like a hot potato. Go work out your insecurities on someone else.

Ha, no. Having standards is not insecure. Work on your reading comprehension. Dropping them like a hot potato is your choice. Dropping YOU because you have shit to hide is also their choice. See, everybody wins in this scenario. You lying not acceptable.

Why is this so hard for promiscuous people to comprehend. Go do your thing and stick to your own kind. The promiscuous people on this thread are such judgy hypocrites.

I never said I lied. I simply refuse to answer dumb questions asked by misagonists like you. If you asked me what my number was I would laugh in your face and tell you to eff off. It's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Learn how to value women and don't treat them like objects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is out west helping his wife move their father from her childhood home into a nursing home. She is also collecting her HS memorabilia that has been sitting there for 25 years. She found a photo album with the usual pics of prom, homecoming, beach week, etc.

There are, according to him, about 25 pictures of her with different guys. He jokingly asked if she'd slept with all of them. She got angry at the question but eventually admitted she had.

They have been married for 13 years and both shared their 'numbers' but he now realizes this is a complete lie. He is quite upset, really not so much about the number, but more that she's been lying for years and years. He feels like he doesn't really know here now.

Why would she lie about sex from HS?

Honestly, if my brother asked me this, I would ask him if he was upset about the lie or upset about the number. Either way my brother answers, I’d still tell him he’s sexist. The whole conversation about numbers is sexist - women are judged for their number in a way that a man would not be. Your brother feels like it is his role to investigate and question his wife about her sexual history that happened a decade before your brother met and married her - that is bananas sexist and controlling. Who his wife slept with prior to him is actually none of his business. If he was worried about STDs, then the thing to do is get tested and negotiate monogamy. If he was worried about sexual fidelity, then the thing to do is talk about that and negotiate it explicitly, not guess whether fidelity will won’t happen because of past sexual history.

The conversation about numbers also doesn’t include any thought to the ways in which women are taught about their sexuality by the culture - ways that encourage them to sleep with men (gatekeeping sex and childbirth are still a woman’s main power even in these modern times) or ways in which they are sexually abused which encourages a cycle of sleeping with people to soothe or act out abuse, and then there’s the whole aspect of figuring out your sexuality and what you do and don’t like in people.

Honestly, if a guy asked me for my number, I would dump him. Your brother is lucky she didn’t do that to him.

Dumping him for asking the question is of course principled, and I respect your view there; lying instead is not. You don’t get to decide what other people should and should not care about in selecting a spouse, and if she knew the information was material to his decision and she lied anyway, that’s an act of profoundly low character. This idea that there are certain things that are “none of your business” in selecting a spouse seems entirely indefensible to me, when considering making a lifetime commitment to someone it is reasonable to be interested in basically everything about that person, and if you want someone to commit to you for a lifetime, you should be willing to be honest. It should not be a high-stakes poker game where you conceal information to get the result you want.

Even “that’s none of your business” is fine. That makes everyone’s boundaries clear, and everyone gets to make decisions both based on the fact that the question was asked (and what that says about the asker) and the answer that was given.

Choosing to answer and intentionally lying in an effort to deceive someone to whom you are making lifelong promises purportedly on a foundation of trust is something else entirely.

Of course it is. But some rando slut with a chip on her shoulder wants to claim it isn't. Imagine a thread about a women discovering the man she married had lied about wanting or having kids. Same thing. The b**ch lied about something important to him.

awwwwww poor baby. Maybe you should work on that hatred for women a little bit. I bet it will do wonders for your sex life if you're just not a POS.

DP and NO. Maybe you should stop making double standards for women. That contributes to all of this. Women don't get to lie freely about something you would criticize a man for.

what double standard? these questions are dumb but men lie about their numbers just as often as women do. Y'all just don't seem to see the problem with men sleeping around.

I had never posted before so I never said that. Lying is shitty no matter who does it. Just say you don't want to discuss it. If that's a dealbreaker, then move on.

Well that's what I did when i was dating, but some here insist that my lack of wanting to share the number is a dealbreaker. So which is it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get that a person might want to insist on an STD test prior to wanting to be sexually intimate with a new partner because that could impact their own health. The rest of sexual history is simply none of your business and people who insist on having it are just deeply insecure. To be upset about this after 13 years of marriage is dumb.

Having to hide your sexual history from someone you intend to make a lifelong commitment to is the height of insecurity. You guys are big into projection.

So it's not enough that I would share that I am healthy and disease-free. You NEED to know my exact number? Why is that? What would an 8 or a 10 say vs 1 or 2? What is the dealbreaker number?

See why this whole conversation is so dumb and screams insecurity on your part. Why do you need to know?