Husbands Tantrums

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to join a boxing club.

This. He needs a place to release his anger and aggresssion in a healthy way. I highly reccomend this OP.

Thank you for the kind and helpful answer. I’m definitely gonna try to get him into some kind of high impact physical class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is some kind of special. It gets worse over time, not better.
Mine thought he is all that and bag of chips. I left and he fell apart completely. He is all gone now. Can't say I did anything other than not sticking around. For him, everyone else was bad and weird.

OP here - I don’t want that for him. I think the anger comes from insecurity and childhood/abandonment issues, I don’t want him to fall apart, I want to help him grow and become a better person. I want to help him but don’t know how. He has so much potential but his anger is destroying him.

So you’re sitting here making excuses for his crappy behavior and making your kids pick up the tab. Not a good look for you, OP.

At least get your kids in therapy.

They are in therapy, mostly because of him and his anger issues. It’s been a rough year.

I'm sorry OP, I really am. But I would have to draw the line here. If being around their father is causing my kids to need therapy, I would leave. Do they walk around on eggshells, too, just like you? I would not want this for my kids. I understand you want to help him, but unless he's acknowledged the problem and agreed to make a change, I would leave. For my kids, I would leave.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have anything to add except that I’m married to someone very similar and am reading these posts closely. It’s very hard to leave when you live in such an expensive area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is some kind of special. It gets worse over time, not better.
Mine thought he is all that and bag of chips. I left and he fell apart completely. He is all gone now. Can't say I did anything other than not sticking around. For him, everyone else was bad and weird.

OP here - I don’t want that for him. I think the anger comes from insecurity and childhood/abandonment issues, I don’t want him to fall apart, I want to help him grow and become a better person. I want to help him but don’t know how. He has so much potential but his anger is destroying him.

So you’re sitting here making excuses for his crappy behavior and making your kids pick up the tab. Not a good look for you, OP.

At least get your kids in therapy.

They are in therapy, mostly because of him and his anger issues. It’s been a rough year.

I'm sorry OP, I really am. But I would have to draw the line here. If being around their father is causing my kids to need therapy, I would leave. Do they walk around on eggshells, too, just like you? I would not want this for my kids. I understand you want to help him, but unless he's acknowledged the problem and agreed to make a change, I would leave. For my kids, I would leave.

The therapy was not completely because of the anger. The kids do not walk on eggshells and will totally put him in his place - dad put your phone down and look at me when I talk to you- or - you are being ridiculous. We did go through a hard period about six months ago but it’s not like that now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for the feedback. It’s been worse this past year, and I’ve had a lot of honest conversations with my kids about it. I told them that it’s not OK how he’s acted the past year, but also that we had so many good years with him and he’s struggling with something and we should stick by him because we love him. He also never gets upset with the kids. Usually when he has his tantrums, I’m the only one around. It’s like I’m a safe person where he can just let it all out, which I know is unfair. My kids are not scared of him and will absolutely put him in his place when needed.

I grew up with an angry dad, who I still have a good relationship with, but I was also scared of him. He also didn’t provide me with emotional support or feelings ever. My husband does know our kids and is very involved and does give them emotional support.

Once I got out of my emotionally abusive marriage I realized I was drawn to my ex because his behavior was familiar to me. One of my parents has many of the same traits as ex so it was what I knew and it didn't scare me. Are you in therapy yourself? I feel like you're making a lot of excuses for his terrible behavior but it doesn't matter if he's mostly great if the 10% of the time that he's not great he's a monster. I'm wishing you the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for the feedback. It’s been worse this past year, and I’ve had a lot of honest conversations with my kids about it. I told them that it’s not OK how he’s acted the past year, but also that we had so many good years with him and he’s struggling with something and we should stick by him because we love him. He also never gets upset with the kids. Usually when he has his tantrums, I’m the only one around. It’s like I’m a safe person where he can just let it all out, which I know is unfair. My kids are not scared of him and will absolutely put him in his place when needed.

I grew up with an angry dad, who I still have a good relationship with, but I was also scared of him. He also didn’t provide me with emotional support or feelings ever. My husband does know our kids and is very involved and does give them emotional support.

Did you read anything here?

And why are you discussing your DH's issues with your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you all for the feedback. It’s been worse this past year, and I’ve had a lot of honest conversations with my kids about it. I told them that it’s not OK how he’s acted the past year, but also that we had so many good years with him and he’s struggling with something and we should stick by him because we love him. He also never gets upset with the kids. Usually when he has his tantrums, I’m the only one around. It’s like I’m a safe person where he can just let it all out, which I know is unfair. My kids are not scared of him and will absolutely put him in his place when needed.

I grew up with an angry dad, who I still have a good relationship with, but I was also scared of him. He also didn’t provide me with emotional support or feelings ever. My husband does know our kids and is very involved and does give them emotional support.

Did you read anything here?

And why are you discussing your DH's issues with your children?

Because my children are old enough to notice things and I am not going to be the mom who gaslights them into thinking that it’s okay for a man to get angry; nor will I act as though it’s not happening. To do that is to have them question their own reality and question their gut, which will lead to some serious issues down the line. No one is perfect and it is okay to express that to my children and to have open, honest conversations. (They are 17 and 16 so it isn’t like they are babies)