Why people have fallen out of love with dating apps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I met on eHarmony over a decade ago, but I tried multiple sites. The experience was usually not great. The problem you’re not starting with a random distribution of people. The guys who were 9s and 10s often weren’t on the site. They generally locked down gorgeous women in college. So you’re starting with guys who range from 1 to 8 with a tiny fraction of 9s/10s thrown in. Then, the above-average men find their partners and leave, increasing the percentage of below-average men in the population.

I’m sure the exact same phenomenon is true for women.

I had to go on many, many bad dates to find my husband over a series of years. No idea of eHarmony is still around, but I know it refused to match some of my acquaintances. I also never met a felon on eHarmony, which I can’t say for other sites. If it hadn’t changed, I would recommend eHarmony to the committed single.

This is why apps don't work for women. Every woman is entitled to a guy who's a 9 or 10, but those guys aren't on the dating apps. We need a different system for women.

I’m the pp you quoted. I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic. People exist on a bell curve. Most people are inherently below a 9 or a 10, due to the nature of a bell curve. I’d say I took a 5 and turned him into at least an 8. DH needed a haircut, facial hair, and a new wardrobe. He was a winter wearing mostly summer colors and he looked ill. His OLD pictures were old and unflattering. DH’s personality had always been a 10 for me, so I’m glad I was able to help his outsides better match his insides. I would have married him if he’d refused the makeover, but I’m glad he was flexible. Moral of the story? Just because you can’t score a 10 doesn’t mean the guy isn’t worth dating. What constitutes a 10 for one woman won’t constitute a 10 for others.

But what was your score when your DH met you?

8.5, 9 if I’m being generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that a growing number of men as are not very active on the dating scene. I am not sure why. They are also having less sex. I am not sure why either. Perhaps women don't want to date as well.

My nephews are late 20s and are turned off by the large number of Hos on the apps. Some real crazies and many that have slept with 100s.

Funny. Our adult DD, mid 20’s says every guy just wants to take you to his place to hook up instead of actually meeting up for dinner or drinks. She hates the apps because so many people are stuck in the college mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I met on eHarmony over a decade ago, but I tried multiple sites. The experience was usually not great. The problem you’re not starting with a random distribution of people. The guys who were 9s and 10s often weren’t on the site. They generally locked down gorgeous women in college. So you’re starting with guys who range from 1 to 8 with a tiny fraction of 9s/10s thrown in. Then, the above-average men find their partners and leave, increasing the percentage of below-average men in the population.

I’m sure the exact same phenomenon is true for women.

I had to go on many, many bad dates to find my husband over a series of years. No idea of eHarmony is still around, but I know it refused to match some of my acquaintances. I also never met a felon on eHarmony, which I can’t say for other sites. If it hadn’t changed, I would recommend eHarmony to the committed single.

This is why apps don't work for women. Every woman is entitled to a guy who's a 9 or 10, but those guys aren't on the dating apps. We need a different system for women.

I’m the pp you quoted. I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic. People exist on a bell curve. Most people are inherently below a 9 or a 10, due to the nature of a bell curve. I’d say I took a 5 and turned him into at least an 8. DH needed a haircut, facial hair, and a new wardrobe. He was a winter wearing mostly summer colors and he looked ill. His OLD pictures were old and unflattering. DH’s personality had always been a 10 for me, so I’m glad I was able to help his outsides better match his insides. I would have married him if he’d refused the makeover, but I’m glad he was flexible. Moral of the story? Just because you can’t score a 10 doesn’t mean the guy isn’t worth dating. What constitutes a 10 for one woman won’t constitute a 10 for others.

But what was your score when your DH met you?

8.5, 9 if I’m being generous.

LOL, another DCUM 9! It's rare to spot a 9 in DC, but they're everywhere on DCUM! And people talk about the male ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tinder and Bumble are struggling as singles refuse to pay up. Are we going back to organic ways of dating or to matchmakers or just denouncing dating?

https://www.economist.com/business/2024/08/08/why-people-have-fallen-out-of-love-with-dating-apps?utm_medium=cpc.adword.pd&utm_source=google&ppccampaignID=17210591673&ppcadID=&utm_campaign=a.22brand_pmax&utm_content=conversion.direct-response.anonymous&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADf4AbaRwSvcnNLZAxM-ZEdvmFyMp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlsDWqY_tiAMVsDStBh064ynXEAAYASAAEgLqTPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Every young couple I know, tried these apps but didn't find what they were looking for and ended up connecting organically with people in their own orbits. That being said, in our South Asian community if people get married through matchmakers or dating apps, parents tend to present it as an organic match due to stigma attached to these methods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems that a growing number of men as are not very active on the dating scene. I am not sure why. They are also having less sex. I am not sure why either. Perhaps women don't want to date as well.

Marriage isn't as beneficial for men or women as it used to be. Its more headache than joy because both sides demand more and supply less. Also, people have shorter attention span and due to dating apps, always looking for greener grass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I met on eHarmony over a decade ago, but I tried multiple sites. The experience was usually not great. The problem you’re not starting with a random distribution of people. The guys who were 9s and 10s often weren’t on the site. They generally locked down gorgeous women in college. So you’re starting with guys who range from 1 to 8 with a tiny fraction of 9s/10s thrown in. Then, the above-average men find their partners and leave, increasing the percentage of below-average men in the population.

I’m sure the exact same phenomenon is true for women.

I had to go on many, many bad dates to find my husband over a series of years. No idea of eHarmony is still around, but I know it refused to match some of my acquaintances. I also never met a felon on eHarmony, which I can’t say for other sites. If it hadn’t changed, I would recommend eHarmony to the committed single.

This is why apps don't work for women. Every woman is entitled to a guy who's a 9 or 10, but those guys aren't on the dating apps. We need a different system for women.

I’m the pp you quoted. I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic. People exist on a bell curve. Most people are inherently below a 9 or a 10, due to the nature of a bell curve. I’d say I took a 5 and turned him into at least an 8. DH needed a haircut, facial hair, and a new wardrobe. He was a winter wearing mostly summer colors and he looked ill. His OLD pictures were old and unflattering. DH’s personality had always been a 10 for me, so I’m glad I was able to help his outsides better match his insides. I would have married him if he’d refused the makeover, but I’m glad he was flexible. Moral of the story? Just because you can’t score a 10 doesn’t mean the guy isn’t worth dating. What constitutes a 10 for one woman won’t constitute a 10 for others.

But what was your score when your DH met you?

8.5, 9 if I’m being generous.

I am the pp being asked, not this other poster. I’d say I was a 7 to an 8. He’s much better looking than me, post-makeover. I don’t think he knows that.

[Anonymous]

Too difficult to discern crazy from an app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that a growing number of men as are not very active on the dating scene. I am not sure why. They are also having less sex. I am not sure why either. Perhaps women don't want to date as well.

Marriage isn't as beneficial for men or women as it used to be. Its more headache than joy because both sides demand more and supply less. Also, people have shorter attention span and due to dating apps, always looking for greener grass.

Marriage is a necessity if you don’t want to live in sin

[Anonymous]

The goals are not aligned. If you join the app, your goal is probably to find a partner and leave the app, the sooner the better. But the apps exist to make money, so their goal is to make you pay for as long as possible. So, the apps are designed to capitalize on the gambler’s mentality - to create the illusion that you are almost there, you just need to make one more bet to win it big.

Personal ads or the dating websites of 20 years ago that were completely user driven were way better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems that a growing number of men as are not very active on the dating scene. I am not sure why. They are also having less sex. I am not sure why either. Perhaps women don't want to date as well.

My nephews are late 20s and are turned off by the large number of Hos on the apps. Some real crazies and many that have slept with 100s.

Funny. Our adult DD, mid 20’s says every guy just wants to take you to his place to hook up instead of actually meeting up for dinner or drinks. She hates the apps because so many people are stuck in the college mentality.

Probably because it became a thing a few years ago for women to accept dates from men they didn't really want to date, just to get a fancy dinner and night out for free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The goals are not aligned. If you join the app, your goal is probably to find a partner and leave the app, the sooner the better. But the apps exist to make money, so their goal is to make you pay for as long as possible. So, the apps are designed to capitalize on the gambler’s mentality - to create the illusion that you are almost there, you just need to make one more bet to win it big.

Personal ads or the dating websites of 20 years ago that were completely user driven were way better.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tinder and Bumble are struggling as singles refuse to pay up. Are we going back to organic ways of dating or to matchmakers or just denouncing dating?

https://www.economist.com/business/2024/08/08/why-people-have-fallen-out-of-love-with-dating-apps?utm_medium=cpc.adword.pd&utm_source=google&ppccampaignID=17210591673&ppcadID=&utm_campaign=a.22brand_pmax&utm_content=conversion.direct-response.anonymous&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADf4AbaRwSvcnNLZAxM-ZEdvmFyMp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlsDWqY_tiAMVsDStBh064ynXEAAYASAAEgLqTPD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Every young couple I know, tried these apps but didn't find what they were looking for and ended up connecting organically with people in their own orbits. That being said, in our South Asian community if people get married through matchmakers or dating apps, parents tend to present it as an organic match due to stigma attached to these methods.

Which means they "settled", otherwise they would have dated that person before the dating app experience.