do you let friends stay at your second home?

[Anonymous]

Yes and I don't charge them but they always ask if they can pay.

If someone didn't ask I'd probably still let them stay for free, but I'd be a bit wary of how often they tried to do it.

If you need the rental income, that's one thing. If you don't, then be generous if you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a condo in NYC. We don't allow anyone outside the family to stay there. If you're not blood, married in, or adopted in, you can't stay.

+1. Same. People generally do not treat your house the way you would treat it. I have only let one small group stay at one of our other homes, and that was at the height of covid, and I knew all of the members of the group well, and for many years. They gave a super generous thank you gift for the house, which we would never have bought on our own - they were truly grateful.

People who feel entitled? No way. Plus, people generally have zero idea what it takes to maintain a non-primary home, and the expenses involved - which is exacerbated if something breaks, etc. There are cleaning fees, caretaker fees, upkeep fees, etc. People have asked to bring their dog! It is easier to just shut it down early, instead of having to revisit the question. If you want to invite them to visit while you are there, that is different. We generally don't do that, because we want to see our friends and family from home (where it is located) and catch up.

No one has rights to your place, OP.

They've got strangers from the internet staying there every week!

Yeah, this is what I find strange. We don't rent our place to strangers but do let friends stay. They offer to pay for cleaning so we tell them what it costs (same as it is before we use it). I've also let people stay there who didn't offer to pay, which isn't something I'd do a lot of, but since we can afford a second home, we can afford to be gracious as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

We were all planning on going two weeks ago and none of us could go because there was a raging blizzard going on.

Now, they wanna go this weekend and we are out of town/state.

In the past when they have gone with you have they offered to pay rent or contribute to the cost of the cleaning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally unreasonable for them to ask. If I regularly give a person a ride in my car then I have plans to go out of town for a couple of weeks , it isn’t reasonable the person asks to borrow my car. They can go get a rental car.

Your house is an asset and you can rent it for probably $1000 for a spring weekend. Friends wouldn’t ask for a $1000 so why do they think it is ok to use something worth $1000.

It is a slippery slope. Once you say yes these friends will continue to pester you. Just say it is being rented off the books 📚 n case they can see the online schedule of when it is rented through a booking agency.

this is really good advice, thank you.
I think some ppl just assume being someone has a second home, they can afford that 1000 hit. These ppl know us well enough to know we cannot. Although we enjoy it, often with them, it is a business, and someone must pay the utilities, cable, internet, etc.
I suppose that's why it feels funny to us.
It could also be booked at the last minute, and has before.

Actually, it's not good advice to lie to your friends...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

POTENTIAL monetary value. It may get booked at the last minute or it may not. If you need the money then just say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you had planned to go with them and then backed out, but they still want to go- I’d let them. You already invited them there for the weekend, the gracious thing would be to tell them they should definitely go without you when you call them to say you can’t make it anymore

We were all planning on going two weeks ago and none of us could go because there was a raging blizzard going on.

Now, they wanna go this weekend and we are out of town/state.

In the past when they have gone with you have they offered to pay rent or contribute to the cost of the cleaning?

No. But we don’t expect them to. It’s an invitation to spend time with us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not odd.

We have several properties in Aspen, Hamptons, SF, and NYC. Our primary is MD.

Hard no for friends without us. Not friends and not siblings, or cousins etc no one.

The only time I let someone do this was after a loss of a child.

This is why there's a housing crisis in America.

[Anonymous]

Don’t do this let those idiots stay at a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Wait they are offering to pay and you still say no? And they are friends? That’s kinda jerky, OP, but you can do whatever you want—it’s your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait they are offering to pay and you still say no? And they are friends? That’s kinda jerky, OP, but you can do whatever you want—it’s your place.

they have not offered to pay.

[Anonymous]

We let our friends and family use our beach home. We don't let friends of friends or acquaintances and we don't rent it out. We never asked for payment or for them to pay cleaning fees, but early on people offered to pay for the cleaners and now everyone does.

This is what we do. We also let family use it without us, although with some family members we have had to revoke this privilege.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a condo in NYC. We don't allow anyone outside the family to stay there. If you're not blood, married in, or adopted in, you can't stay.

+1. Same. People generally do not treat your house the way you would treat it. I have only let one small group stay at one of our other homes, and that was at the height of covid, and I knew all of the members of the group well, and for many years. They gave a super generous thank you gift for the house, which we would never have bought on our own - they were truly grateful.

People who feel entitled? No way. Plus, people generally have zero idea what it takes to maintain a non-primary home, and the expenses involved - which is exacerbated if something breaks, etc. There are cleaning fees, caretaker fees, upkeep fees, etc. People have asked to bring their dog! It is easier to just shut it down early, instead of having to revisit the question. If you want to invite them to visit while you are there, that is different. We generally don't do that, because we want to see our friends and family from home (where it is located) and catch up.

No one has rights to your place, OP.

They've got strangers from the internet staying there every week!

Yeah, this is what I find strange. We don't rent our place to strangers but do let friends stay. They offer to pay for cleaning so we tell them what it costs (same as it is before we use it). I've also let people stay there who didn't offer to pay, which isn't something I'd do a lot of, but since we can afford a second home, we can afford to be gracious as well.

Signed, Gimme Yer Handouts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ppl aren’t understanding the question I originally asked.
Why does this feel odd to me?! Like we’re being asked to give them something that has monetary value. I would never ask this of someone. I don’t know why. We’re pretty good friends.

POTENTIAL monetary value. It may get booked at the last minute or it may not. If you need the money then just say that.

DP here. It is no one's business if it gets rented out or not - that is the point. If it gets rented out last minute, great - but plan your own vacation, don't plan to use my house.

We don't keep an updated calendar, because there are too many looky loos, and it is none of their business. I actually know people who rent out their second and third houses off record, for this reason.

The posts of those who do not have second homes are obvious, BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is totally unreasonable for them to ask. If I regularly give a person a ride in my car then I have plans to go out of town for a couple of weeks , it isn’t reasonable the person asks to borrow my car. They can go get a rental car.

Your house is an asset and you can rent it for probably $1000 for a spring weekend. Friends wouldn’t ask for a $1000 so why do they think it is ok to use something worth $1000.

It is a slippery slope. Once you say yes these friends will continue to pester you. Just say it is being rented off the books 📚 n case they can see the online schedule of when it is rented through a booking agency.

this is really good advice, thank you.
I think some ppl just assume being someone has a second home, they can afford that 1000 hit. These ppl know us well enough to know we cannot. Although we enjoy it, often with them, it is a business, and someone must pay the utilities, cable, internet, etc.
I suppose that's why it feels funny to us.
It could also be booked at the last minute, and has before.

Actually, it's not good advice to lie to your friends...

DP here. If you were the one that owned the second home, you would feel differently. I completely agree that people see those who own a second home as "rich" or able to take the monatery hit - to "treat" others (at others discretion, of course!). Who doesn't like trying to spend other people's money? I distance myself from those types, because they are exactly as clueless as you would expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We let our friends and family use our beach home. We don't let friends of friends or acquaintances and we don't rent it out. We never asked for payment or for them to pay cleaning fees, but early on people offered to pay for the cleaners and now everyone does.

This is what we do. We also let family use it without us, although with some family members we have had to revoke this privilege.

What did they do to lose their privilege?

My ex's family banned all cousins under the age of 25 from using a long-time family home in Newport RI without adult parent present. Too many of cousins were using the property in the off-season with their friends from college and causing lots of issues - leaving trash and booze bottles, not cleaning or closing up properly, noise complaints from neighbors, etc. They all knew the code to the lockbox to get the key, so would just randomly show up on a Friday with 10 friends from college to hang out and party for the weekend. I recall that group may have showed up at night while a set of adult parents was getting ready to go to bed at the house lol

I mean, how dumb and entitled do you have to be to get banned from a family-owned vacation house?