Keep mum or share the schools you're considering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is true sadly. Our kid just gave names of schools not applying and we did the same and just said later that we decided to change last minute. There are crazy parents out there who will try to contact admissions departments at your school or college and trash your kid so better to say zero.

What a horrible circle if people you must hang out with.

[Anonymous]

I would love to keep mum but someone keeps opening the snail mail that S receives from the colleges that accepted him before I can get the mail from the mailbox. So who knows who is watching?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is true sadly. Our kid just gave names of schools not applying and we did the same and just said later that we decided to change last minute. There are crazy parents out there who will try to contact admissions departments at your school or college and trash your kid so better to say zero.

What a horrible circle if people you must hang out with.

Not surprised. Same experience here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about these super selective schools that nobody knew about or considered until Larlo Jr. blabbed about them.

SLACs tend to run under most people’s radar, but no small college is going to take 5 from a high school. If a kid highlighted a school, explained why they were interested, and it piqued another kid’s interest, the chatty kid might have hurt their own chances of admission.

Also, even today, people of average or UMC means oftentimes don’t seem to understand how to use a NPC and grant aid at the best schools to apply ED and afford a great school. Instead, they’ll tell you that they need merit aid and to compare offers, so they must apply EA or RD. If a chatty kid explains how they might be able to afford an expensive college, other kids who might be constrained by finances might reconsider their choices, thereby potentially hurting the sharing kid.

These are just some examples, but the big picture is that there are informational asymmetries among kids and families. For people who do their homework, they have better shots at great outcomes. However, if you give your insights away for free, you might become the victim of your own largesse.

Finally, some say none of this matters because a kid’s record is already set by senior year. True, but informational asymmetries exist at every tier. Once the best kids understand the game, stuff goes from competitive to crazy. No need to feed your competition.

I know it's DCUM but this attitude makes me so sad.

DP here. I agree with you that ideally college admissions should not be a zero-sum game. But the reality is chilling. Colleges and universities are businesses with payrolls to meet. Many are desperate to attract more applicants than they can possibly take in order to ensure a steady supply of income (now and in the future,) or to look more exclusive and desirable to potential student's and donors. Colleges are not thinking about you or or child, they are thinking about their own futures, and what use they have for you and your child. These facts induce cynicism which is bad, of course. At the same time, I worry about you. If hearing someone lay out the reality of college admissions so clearly makes you sad, the real thing is going to make you even sadder. Please get a grip on the realities now and it will help save you and your child from a lot of heartbreak.

No need to worry about me. My kid is in his third year at a selective university. Most of my friends talked freely throughout the process, a few kept it close to the vest. I'm well aware that some people withhold information that could help others and some outright lie. I'm not naive. I get it. But yeah, it does make me sad.

Well, I’m happy for you because you seem to lead a charmed existence. But you seem less saddened by the crazy admissions system that drives all this, and maybe lack empathy for the poor souls who are so stressed out.