Keep mum or share the schools you're considering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well my kid only applied to in-state and adjacent state publics. We and he were very open and none of the conversations were weird at all. I can’t relate to why it would be awkward or competitive to talk about colleges.

Because your kid applied to nothing special. Everyone targets state schools, even the best ones, if they’re in-state.

[Anonymous]

I share, but I understand that some people don't. Not sure that not sharing results in some competitive advantage.

[Anonymous]

Mum

[Anonymous]

“Not sure yet”
“Looking at a few but keeps changing”
“”Doesn’t want me to discuss it with anyone, too nervous”

[Anonymous]

My oldest is in college and I shared a lot with people (where we'd visited, which colleges we were considering, the importance of ECs, test prep, etc), because we're foreign and I genuinely needed input from all and sundry! I received a ton of well-meaning and friendly advice, and I thanked everyone who made comments. I found that people were eager and willing to help us. It was really nice.

For my younger kids, I probably won't need to ask people, so we won't share as much.

And while I understand that technically, classmates are competition... not when they're looking at colleges and filling out applications. By then, the GPA is not very moveable, they're on an EC path they've been on for years... So, I really don't think it hurts chances if kids talk to one another.

[Anonymous]

^ also, I make a point of paying it forward, responding to questions on this forum, and sharing our experience with parents I know who have younger children. Yes, at some point they'll be in competition with my younger children. But it's nice to help people.

[Anonymous]

Share some, save some. My grandmother’s sage advice that applies to all manner of situations.

[Anonymous]

Mine told her friend group where she was applying ED. I
think some friends decided not to ED to that school because of that. I also don't think they felt as strongly about it as my kid did (has a sibling there), but my kid being up front may have prompted them to focus elsewhere because maybe 1, 2 at most from this school get in to the college a year. Public school magnet, so similar female candidates applying in same area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

+1

[Anonymous]

Did not know that the advice to keep it to yourself was so universal. In hindsight, would probably follow that advice.

[Anonymous]

College lists are like baby names. When you're pregnant, everyone has an opinion on potential names. Once a baby is born, everyone loves the name as it's no longer theoretical. Good luck in finding the best school for your kids!

[Anonymous]

What good can come from sharing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did not know that the advice to keep it to yourself was so universal. In hindsight, would probably follow that advice.

As you can see, it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

+1 its in your head

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

Exactly. If you’re naturally a private person, sure, don’t talk about it—you’re not obligated to. And if your kid really doesn’t want people to know, respect their wishes. But otherwise just do what’s natural.