Keep mum or share the schools you're considering?

[Anonymous]

We have a chatty neighbor who has a bright child with a great resume who frequently name-dropped the kid’s highly-selective ED. They seemed sure their kid would get in. Didn’t. Suddenly, they were very humbled. They went silent for the rest of the application season. Kid ended up at Virginia Tech.

[Anonymous]

Kids tend to be followers, so if you have discovered a hidden gem where few or no students are applying from your school, I would keep it quiet. And in the reverse, don't apply ED to very selective schools where several strong academic, athlete or leader-type students from the same school are also applying. It's a waste of your one shot. Apply elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Very selective schools attract highly competitive students, by definition. While admissions may not be a zero-sum game at all schools, it essentially is at many small, highly selective colleges, and it’s very similar for mid-sized, selective schools. If you think you can be an open book prior to the application deadlines, you’re naive, not applying to selective schools, or indifferent to an admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

Not entirely true - there are plenty of parents who are cut throat and will do just about anything (legal) to get their kids on top of the heap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids tend to be followers, so if you have discovered a hidden gem where few or no students are applying from your school, I would keep it quiet. And in the reverse, don't apply ED to very selective schools where several strong academic, athlete or leader-type students from the same school are also applying. It's a waste of your one shot. Apply elsewhere.

But if no one says anything, how do you know who is applying where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very selective schools attract highly competitive students, by definition. While admissions may not be a zero-sum game at all schools, it essentially is at many small, highly selective colleges, and it’s very similar for mid-sized, selective schools. If you think you can be an open book prior to the application deadlines, you’re naive, not applying to selective schools, or indifferent to an admit.

This is your experience, not everyone’s. My kid applied to highly selective schools and was open about where he was applying. He and one of his closest friends with a nearly identical profile applied to number of the same schools and had similar results (including admission with top merit to a selective LAC). He and another kid got into the same highly selective LAC in different rounds of ED.

I don’t care whether people share or not; everyone should do what works for them in this crazy process. But the idea that kids applying to highly selective schools are hurting themselves by talking about where they’re applying is an assumption, not fact. You have no idea why your kid didn’t get into Yale; you want an easy explanation, and the idea that because one kid from your school got in another couldn’t is easy. You have no idea if it’s accurate, and spending all of your time viewing other people as competition just sucks joy from your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

Exactly. If you’re naturally a private person, sure, don’t talk about it—you’re not obligated to. And if your kid really doesn’t want people to know, respect their wishes. But otherwise just do what’s natural.

These no one cares posters are insane.

If you say, I love Vanderbilt I'm going to apply there, there's not a chance a classmate will swoop in and apply ED? And that can hurt you.

if you say, oh I'm thinking of Pitt they have a good X department, someone else can the. get their app in sooner and maybe do better with admission and merit.

Like really what are you guys talking about. People care. It can hurt you

Opposite was true for us. Friends respected each other's interests and fortunately didn't have strong overlap. But, knowing what each other liked influenced them away from competing ED (not RD of course).

We are public school fam with no fancy legacy/connections, so not as much buzz from family about where applying. In fact, family doesn't seem to fully recognize how amazing my kids' T10 admits are -- we all went to Christian college. Ha ha.

[Anonymous]

The personality of your son is all that matters. It's his journey. Some people very naturally want to share their life journey with others. The outcome wouldn't mean as much to them without sharing along the way. You can try not to tell, believing maybe that may make a difference - I don't think you're incorrect with that thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one cares. Almost everyone is genuinely rooting for your kid. Stop creating drama where none exists

Exactly. If you’re naturally a private person, sure, don’t talk about it—you’re not obligated to. And if your kid really doesn’t want people to know, respect their wishes. But otherwise just do what’s natural.

These no one cares posters are insane.

If you say, I love Vanderbilt I'm going to apply there, there's not a chance a classmate will swoop in and apply ED? And that can hurt you.

if you say, oh I'm thinking of Pitt they have a good X department, someone else can the. get their app in sooner and maybe do better with admission and merit.

Like really what are you guys talking about. People care. It can hurt you

Opposite was true for us. Friends respected each other's interests and fortunately didn't have strong overlap. But, knowing what each other liked influenced them away from competing ED (not RD of course).

We are public school fam with no fancy legacy/connections, so not as much buzz from family about where applying. In fact, family doesn't seem to fully recognize how amazing my kids' T10 admits are -- we all went to Christian college. Ha ha.

Same PP. Forgot to add, there was an RD school that kid did not share. It is very small and only has RD, so kid kept quiet about that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very selective schools attract highly competitive students, by definition. While admissions may not be a zero-sum game at all schools, it essentially is at many small, highly selective colleges, and it’s very similar for mid-sized, selective schools. If you think you can be an open book prior to the application deadlines, you’re naive, not applying to selective schools, or indifferent to an admit.

This is your experience, not everyone’s. My kid applied to highly selective schools and was open about where he was applying. He and one of his closest friends with a nearly identical profile applied to number of the same schools and had similar results (including admission with top merit to a selective LAC). He and another kid got into the same highly selective LAC in different rounds of ED.

I don’t care whether people share or not; everyone should do what works for them in this crazy process. But the idea that kids applying to highly selective schools are hurting themselves by talking about where they’re applying is an assumption, not fact. You have no idea why your kid didn’t get into Yale; you want an easy explanation, and the idea that because one kid from your school got in another couldn’t is easy. You have no idea if it’s accurate, and spending all of your time viewing other people as competition just sucks joy from your life.

It’s not about easy explanations, it’s about maximizing your chances.

As you say, you do you, but if you were applying to a competitive and coveted job or promotion, would you share your intentions with others who could easily apply? It just seems like common sense not to. It’s not that others couldn’t apply, but would you actually bait/encourage others to do so? And sure, the decision committee has their own prerogatives, which may elevate your resume over others, but you probably won’t know that when you apply. Of course, if you’re indifferent to your result or just as happy to see your friend get the job, chat away.

[Anonymous]

My unofficial guess is that boys are more likely to tell each other because they are less sensitive to rejection.

I don’t like when parents of other kids tell me where their kid has applied if it’s a hard to get into school. It makes me feel nervous/stressed for the kid. And if they are telling me, they’re telling tons of people.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about these super selective schools that nobody knew about or considered until Larlo Jr. blabbed about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very selective schools attract highly competitive students, by definition. While admissions may not be a zero-sum game at all schools, it essentially is at many small, highly selective colleges, and it’s very similar for mid-sized, selective schools. If you think you can be an open book prior to the application deadlines, you’re naive, not applying to selective schools, or indifferent to an admit.

This is your experience, not everyone’s. My kid applied to highly selective schools and was open about where he was applying. He and one of his closest friends with a nearly identical profile applied to number of the same schools and had similar results (including admission with top merit to a selective LAC). He and another kid got into the same highly selective LAC in different rounds of ED.

I don’t care whether people share or not; everyone should do what works for them in this crazy process. But the idea that kids applying to highly selective schools are hurting themselves by talking about where they’re applying is an assumption, not fact. You have no idea why your kid didn’t get into Yale; you want an easy explanation, and the idea that because one kid from your school got in another couldn’t is easy. You have no idea if it’s accurate, and spending all of your time viewing other people as competition just sucks joy from your life.

It’s not about easy explanations, it’s about maximizing your chances.

As you say, you do you, but if you were applying to a competitive and coveted job or promotion, would you share your intentions with others who could easily apply? It just seems like common sense not to. It’s not that others couldn’t apply, but would you actually bait/encourage others to do so? And sure, the decision committee has their own prerogatives, which may elevate your resume over others, but you probably won’t know that when you apply. Of course, if you’re indifferent to your result or just as happy to see your friend get the job, chat away.

Having a conversation where you share information about yourself isn’t “baiting or encouraging” others to do what you’re doing. It’s normal human interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College lists are like baby names. When you're pregnant, everyone has an opinion on potential names. Once a baby is born, everyone loves the name as it's no longer theoretical. Good luck in finding the best school for your kids!

This is so true.

[Anonymous]

B+ kid here. She wouldn't have been vying for a highly selective school ... she just didn't want everyone knowing her business! She applied to 10 and I think she would mention 2 or 3 when people would ask. Her choice!