Go to the school that wants you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else love this?

My DD received some pretty good merit money from 2 schools but was waitlisted at another that was near the top of her list. The waitlist school required supplemental materials, but when my DD saw that she was like “forget that! I don’t want to go there that badly!”

I was like this too when I was applying (ages ago), and I’m glad my DD felt that way that on her own, rather than start writing letters of interest and sending supplemental info, and then still have the chance to be rejected. Seems like you’re begging a school to take you, when they don’t seem terribly interested.

I guess, but your perspective is very me-centric. With any college, it's about building a class, not being "wanted." Perspective just feels slightly off to me. If more info might help the college better determine if the student is the best addition, great. If student is now more excited about another school or out of steam? Fine. But, it's not some unrequited love or jilted lover relationship.

Learning to handle rejection is a really important life skill.

It's hard to grow, overcome challenges, and reach difficult goals if your greater priority is to avoid rejection or failure.

Agree staying in any competition is about resilience character and perspective. But college admissions is a lot like life, there are many who when the going gets tough, take themselves out of the game.

This is total BS. Should everyone have to apply to Harvard, because by not applying to Harvard, they're "taking themselves out of the game"? Is the kid who wants to go to his state school and applies and gets in not playing the game because they didn't "shoot higher"?

Yes.

How ridiculous.

- parent of a child who "settled" for his top choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else love this?

My DD received some pretty good merit money from 2 schools but was waitlisted at another that was near the top of her list. The waitlist school required supplemental materials, but when my DD saw that she was like “forget that! I don’t want to go there that badly!”

I was like this too when I was applying (ages ago), and I’m glad my DD felt that way that on her own, rather than start writing letters of interest and sending supplemental info, and then still have the chance to be rejected. Seems like you’re begging a school to take you, when they don’t seem terribly interested.

I guess, but your perspective is very me-centric. With any college, it's about building a class, not being "wanted." Perspective just feels slightly off to me. If more info might help the college better determine if the student is the best addition, great. If student is now more excited about another school or out of steam? Fine. But, it's not some unrequited love or jilted lover relationship.

Learning to handle rejection is a really important life skill.

It's hard to grow, overcome challenges, and reach difficult goals if your greater priority is to avoid rejection or failure.

Agree staying in any competition is about resilience character and perspective. But college admissions is a lot like life, there are many who when the going gets tough, take themselves out of the game.

This is total BS. Should everyone have to apply to Harvard, because by not applying to Harvard, they're "taking themselves out of the game"? Is the kid who wants to go to his state school and applies and gets in not playing the game because they didn't "shoot higher"?

Yes.

How ridiculous.

- parent of a child who "settled" for his top choice

Easy there.

I’m one of the PPs who mentioned resilience. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I absolutely was not saying that everyone should apply to Harvard or “take a shot” at a different reach school in order to build resilience. That’s not my POV at all!

I was responding to the very specific situation that started this whole thread: OP’s advice to kids to drop off the waitlist of a school near the top of your list in order to a school that shows they “want you” by accepting you at the time of regular admissions. Why? According to OP, providing supplemental materials to show continued interest in the waitlisted school is akin to “begging” and it involves continued “risk of being rejected,” which to OP is a good reason to take yourself the waitlist and go elsewhere.

You may agree more with OP, which is of course fine. I was just sharing my opinion that I do not interpret a college’s act of putting you on the waitlist as them “not wanting you.” And I believe that taking yourself off a waitlist for a school you prefer in order to avoid “still being rejected” misses an opportunity to build resilience - defined as learning to recover from (rather than avoid!) the feeling of disappointment/failure.

Finally, if OP said her kid took herself off the waitlist because she preferred the other school, this would all be moot and I never would have commented. But that’s not what OP served up. Go back and read the initial post that gave the advice to go where you’re “wanted” rather than push through the fear of rejection off a waitlist.

[Anonymous]

Taking yourself off the waitlist is essentially dealing with rejection and showing resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else love this?

My DD received some pretty good merit money from 2 schools but was waitlisted at another that was near the top of her list. The waitlist school required supplemental materials, but when my DD saw that she was like “forget that! I don’t want to go there that badly!”

I was like this too when I was applying (ages ago), and I’m glad my DD felt that way that on her own, rather than start writing letters of interest and sending supplemental info, and then still have the chance to be rejected. Seems like you’re begging a school to take you, when they don’t seem terribly interested.

I guess, but your perspective is very me-centric. With any college, it's about building a class, not being "wanted." Perspective just feels slightly off to me. If more info might help the college better determine if the student is the best addition, great. If student is now more excited about another school or out of steam? Fine. But, it's not some unrequited love or jilted lover relationship.

Learning to handle rejection is a really important life skill.

It's hard to grow, overcome challenges, and reach difficult goals if your greater priority is to avoid rejection or failure.

Agree staying in any competition is about resilience character and perspective. But college admissions is a lot like life, there are many who when the going gets tough, take themselves out of the game.

This is total BS. Should everyone have to apply to Harvard, because by not applying to Harvard, they're "taking themselves out of the game"? Is the kid who wants to go to his state school and applies and gets in not playing the game because they didn't "shoot higher"?

Yes.

How ridiculous.

- parent of a child who "settled" for his top choice

Easy there.

I’m one of the PPs who mentioned resilience. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I absolutely was not saying that everyone should apply to Harvard or “take a shot” at a different reach school in order to build resilience. That’s not my POV at all!

I was responding to the very specific situation that started this whole thread: OP’s advice to kids to drop off the waitlist of a school near the top of your list in order to a school that shows they “want you” by accepting you at the time of regular admissions. Why? According to OP, providing supplemental materials to show continued interest in the waitlisted school is akin to “begging” and it involves continued “risk of being rejected,” which to OP is a good reason to take yourself the waitlist and go elsewhere.

You may agree more with OP, which is of course fine. I was just sharing my opinion that I do not interpret a college’s act of putting you on the waitlist as them “not wanting you.” And I believe that taking yourself off a waitlist for a school you prefer in order to avoid “still being rejected” misses an opportunity to build resilience - defined as learning to recover from (rather than avoid!) the feeling of disappointment/failure.

Finally, if OP said her kid took herself off the waitlist because she preferred the other school, this would all be moot and I never would have commented. But that’s not what OP served up. Go back and read the initial post that gave the advice to go where you’re “wanted” rather than push through the fear of rejection off a waitlist.

This is OP
Just to be clear, the “fear of being rejected” was not my DD’s personal fear, just something I listed as one of the possible reasons to not continue with the supplemental application. My DD wasn’t fearing rejection (she’s already been rejected from 2 other schools so nothing new to her), she just thought “I’m not doing any more work than I already did considering I have two good offers.” It was one of her top choices in there beginning; the two offers w/merit made it very easy for her to decided it wasn’t worth the effort. She definitely did feel like she shouldn’t need to persuade them to take her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking yourself off the waitlist is essentially dealing with rejection and showing resilience.

An act of self preservation is different than the courage to continue, face the rejection, and rise above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else love this?

My DD received some pretty good merit money from 2 schools but was waitlisted at another that was near the top of her list. The waitlist school required supplemental materials, but when my DD saw that she was like “forget that! I don’t want to go there that badly!”

I was like this too when I was applying (ages ago), and I’m glad my DD felt that way that on her own, rather than start writing letters of interest and sending supplemental info, and then still have the chance to be rejected. Seems like you’re begging a school to take you, when they don’t seem terribly interested.

I guess, but your perspective is very me-centric. With any college, it's about building a class, not being "wanted." Perspective just feels slightly off to me. If more info might help the college better determine if the student is the best addition, great. If student is now more excited about another school or out of steam? Fine. But, it's not some unrequited love or jilted lover relationship.

Learning to handle rejection is a really important life skill.

It's hard to grow, overcome challenges, and reach difficult goals if your greater priority is to avoid rejection or failure.

Agree staying in any competition is about resilience character and perspective. But college admissions is a lot like life, there are many who when the going gets tough, take themselves out of the game.

This is total BS. Should everyone have to apply to Harvard, because by not applying to Harvard, they're "taking themselves out of the game"? Is the kid who wants to go to his state school and applies and gets in not playing the game because they didn't "shoot higher"?

Yes.

How ridiculous.

- parent of a child who "settled" for his top choice

Easy there.

I’m one of the PPs who mentioned resilience. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I absolutely was not saying that everyone should apply to Harvard or “take a shot” at a different reach school in order to build resilience. That’s not my POV at all!

I was responding to the very specific situation that started this whole thread: OP’s advice to kids to drop off the waitlist of a school near the top of your list in order to a school that shows they “want you” by accepting you at the time of regular admissions. Why? According to OP, providing supplemental materials to show continued interest in the waitlisted school is akin to “begging” and it involves continued “risk of being rejected,” which to OP is a good reason to take yourself the waitlist and go elsewhere.

You may agree more with OP, which is of course fine. I was just sharing my opinion that I do not interpret a college’s act of putting you on the waitlist as them “not wanting you.” And I believe that taking yourself off a waitlist for a school you prefer in order to avoid “still being rejected” misses an opportunity to build resilience - defined as learning to recover from (rather than avoid!) the feeling of disappointment/failure.

Finally, if OP said her kid took herself off the waitlist because she preferred the other school, this would all be moot and I never would have commented. But that’s not what OP served up. Go back and read the initial post that gave the advice to go where you’re “wanted” rather than push through the fear of rejection off a waitlist.

What if instead of writing another essay, the college required a $15 payment to stay on the waitlist? What if it was $150? $1,500? $15,000?

The kid’s time is worth something, if only to her. Declining to give any more of it to school C when she’s already in (with merit!) at schools A and B is perfectly reasonable.