Interrupting VERY long stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.

Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.

I believe both are correct and possible. We would need to know more about the broad scope of OP's DH's behavior to even begin to speculate whether this behavior is a manifestation of his narcissism alone, or of narcissism tied to ASD.

Agree this wasn’t necessarily for OP’s long story spouse.

By temper tantrums, emotional deregulation, and mis-perceiving everything as a personal attack and then exploding is common with diagnosed HFA individuals who never got help or parent role modeling socializing and managing or even IDing emotions.

Their parents opted to build a narcissist who could do no wrong, instead of an anxious, depressed HFA person. Neither got professional help or treatment or honest diagnoses

Actually narcissistic personality disorder in the DSM is MUCH more than getting angry when confronted. Autism may be characterized by not understanding how your behavior is perceived or affects others. Narcissism is totally different - it is the pervasive, delusional belief that you are better than others, often characterized by deliberately manipulating others.

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/npd-provider-guide

There is a fantastic article it somewhere delineating between Autism narc symptoms, driven by misunderstandings, lack of empathy, and intent vs actions, and true narcissists who are driven by manipulation goals.

The symptoms, behaviors are the same, and the resulting feelings in the victim are the same.
The intense and chronic myopic self centered focus is the same: in one case that’s all they are capable of understanding, their needs and now; in the narc case they want something so play a game to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.

Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.

I believe both are correct and possible. We would need to know more about the broad scope of OP's DH's behavior to even begin to speculate whether this behavior is a manifestation of his narcissism alone, or of narcissism tied to ASD.

Agree this wasn’t necessarily for OP’s long story spouse.

By temper tantrums, emotional deregulation, and mis-perceiving everything as a personal attack and then exploding is common with diagnosed HFA individuals who never got help or parent role modeling socializing and managing or even IDing emotions.

Their parents opted to build a narcissist who could do no wrong, instead of an anxious, depressed HFA person. Neither got professional help or treatment or honest diagnoses

Actually narcissistic personality disorder in the DSM is MUCH more than getting angry when confronted. Autism may be characterized by not understanding how your behavior is perceived or affects others. Narcissism is totally different - it is the pervasive, delusional belief that you are better than others, often characterized by deliberately manipulating others.

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/npd-provider-guide

There is a fantastic article it somewhere delineating between Autism narc symptoms, driven by misunderstandings, lack of empathy, and intent vs actions, and true narcissists who are driven by manipulation goals.

The symptoms, behaviors are the same, and the resulting feelings in the victim are the same.
The intense and chronic myopic self centered focus is the same: in one case that’s all they are capable of understanding, their needs and now; in the narc case they want something so play a game to get it.

No, they truly are not “the same.”
Get off the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Narcissism. Not autism, extrememe narcissism.

Narcissism is a maladaptive coping method of high Iq aspies.

They think they are never wrong, you are. Their parents let them rage, never have consequences, lie, never apologize, and every mess up was excused and blamed on others - the teacher, the boss, the confusion from so and so.

Never got diagnosed, never looked into the pattern of symptoms, never opened their eyes at the chronic mistakes and mishaps.

Never got the kid professional help or meds. Instead inflated the kid and built a suit of delusional armor that attacks anyone commenting on anything they did or failed to do. Bullying works.

I believe both are correct and possible. We would need to know more about the broad scope of OP's DH's behavior to even begin to speculate whether this behavior is a manifestation of his narcissism alone, or of narcissism tied to ASD.

Agree this wasn’t necessarily for OP’s long story spouse.

By temper tantrums, emotional deregulation, and mis-perceiving everything as a personal attack and then exploding is common with diagnosed HFA individuals who never got help or parent role modeling socializing and managing or even IDing emotions.

Their parents opted to build a narcissist who could do no wrong, instead of an anxious, depressed HFA person. Neither got professional help or treatment or honest diagnoses

Actually narcissistic personality disorder in the DSM is MUCH more than getting angry when confronted. Autism may be characterized by not understanding how your behavior is perceived or affects others. Narcissism is totally different - it is the pervasive, delusional belief that you are better than others, often characterized by deliberately manipulating others.

https://www.mcleanhospital.org/npd-provider-guide

There is a fantastic article it somewhere delineating between Autism narc symptoms, driven by misunderstandings, lack of empathy, and intent vs actions, and true narcissists who are driven by manipulation goals.

The symptoms, behaviors are the same, and the resulting feelings in the victim are the same.
The intense and chronic myopic self centered focus is the same: in one case that’s all they are capable of understanding, their needs and now; in the narc case they want something so play a game to get it.

No, they truly are not “the same.”
Get off the internet.

There are tons of Attwood and Hutchins and aspergers book and psychology articles on this.

If you were married to one you’d likely have read them.

[Anonymous]

Tell DH he needs to land the plane.

[Anonymous]

“Actually, the focus right now is on enjoying dinner and everyone participating in the conversation, not your long soliloquies. I’m getting Billy more potatoes now. You can keep talking while I do that, or you can pout. But we’re going to eat.”

[Anonymous]

Put a chess timer on the table. Tap it when someone starts to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.

Did you notice this behavior before your were married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.

Did you notice this behavior before your were married?

For every poster who asks this question or a variant of it in every freaking thread these days:

Why? How would it change your advice?!?!

In fact, just go ahead and advise in both scenarios, if OP's answer was yes, and if OP's answer was no.

So infuriating, honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Actually, the focus right now is on enjoying dinner and everyone participating in the conversation, not your long soliloquies. I’m getting Billy more potatoes now. You can keep talking while I do that, or you can pout. But we’re going to eat.”

Yes, speaking to your husband like he's a toddler will definitely help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, long story teller is the clueless one socially. Is he autistic? Sounds like my child. It’s really hard.

I came here to say the same. Sounds like ASD. Lacking social awareness. Long rambling off track much longer than necessary. So long that the story never seems to end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.

Not a conversion. A monologue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Actually, the focus right now is on enjoying dinner and everyone participating in the conversation, not your long soliloquies. I’m getting Billy more potatoes now. You can keep talking while I do that, or you can pout. But we’re going to eat.”

Yes, speaking to your husband like he's a toddler will definitely help.

Likely nothing she says will make it any better. No way to reach this rambling soul.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH loves to tell long stories at dinner. During this time, a kid might want seconds, want someone to pass him salt, salsa, another napkin, whatever - assume something “necessary” to enjoying the meal. DH gets super upset if anyone interrupts. For any reason.

So what is the solution? Is it the case at some point that the person telling the really long story is actually being rude or at least a bit thoughtless by not recognizing that people will in fact need more salt etc and that quietly asking for that does not mean everyone isn’t also listening.

Not a conversion. A monologue.

This.

We just start saying thx for the lecture, nice monologue, there goes dad, what’s the point- start there. His father is just the same, long rambling stories and he tries so hard to make him out like the hero of the day. But that also doesn’t make sense. Yes they all have aspergers. Between their long stories with no point and their rude comments when gifted something, it’s been a hoot.

But I wouldn’t let any of them monopolize dinner time with the kids like that. Yuck

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put a chess timer on the table. Tap it when someone starts to speak.

Yes. Or make the "talking stick" a timer.