Interrupting VERY long stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in the moment if you see people getting restless, you HAVE to say, “hon, can we get the Cliffs Notes version, please?” It is simply rude to everyone else not to get him to wrap it up quickly. He is incredibly socially clueless and I can’t believe it’s not affecting his relationships. I don’t invite bores like this to social events.

Lol, this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The moment I realized that my DH is autistic was just now while reading through this thread.

How did we all end up married to autistic men 😭

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is OP. I was sure I was going to be excoriated for being rude. I’ll get up and start serving seconds, quietly, while DH tells story and he gets SO upset. I’m so glad to know that I’m not alone. We are not trying to be rude but we are all capable of quietly asking for more milk and also continuing to listen.

Honestly, if he gets mad at you simply getting up and serving seconds without even verbally interrupting him, then next time he starts to tell a story, I’d pull a Kanye on him…
Just hold up your hand and say “Imma let you finish, but first…..does anyone need anything before dad gets started on this story?—because he gets very upset when we aren’t giving him our undivided attention through the entire dinner”

[Anonymous]

Op back. Thanks everyone this has been so helpful. DH was upset but he did not yell. He was hurt more than anything. It would kill him to think we find his stories (and therefore him by extension) boring. As I said he grew up with a parent who called himself a “raconteur” by way of excusing his insanely long stories. That parent was definitely HFA. My DH is not, but in some ways idolized his brilliant but very socially awkward parent, so emulates him in this one way.

I love the suggestions of saying, “we want to hear the rest but let’s pause for a minute or two.” And also, “let’s save that story til dinner is over or til we’ve heard about everyone else’s day.” Many thanks.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to let everyone know to get what they need before he starts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my husband - either when I’m captive (long car ride, dinner, sitting in my office) or when I’m in the middle of something else. He gets pissy if he’s interrupted, even if there’s an urgent matter, but has no problem interrupting other people.

It’s not autism - it’s being a selfish jerk. You know how I know? He doesn’t do it with people outside the family.

My dad does the long lectures and its not autism, its self centered. If the word hadn’t been thrown around all the time, I’d say it was a narcissist trait.

But my dad does do it to people outside the family!

[Anonymous]

I would ask him not to tell stories at the dinner table anymore. It’s really not the time or place for it if he expects everyone to sit and look at him the whole time and not move or do normal dinner things. I would tell him it’s rude (because it is) and that the point of sitting to eat dinner is to actually eat dinner. And that the majority of people at the table would like to hear stories from the kids during that time. Maybe have a talking stick that gets passed around to a new person every day, and is that persons time to talk for that dinner time. Like what they do in kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to let everyone know to get what they need before he starts.

No, this is saying that the behavior is okay, and it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my husband - either when I’m captive (long car ride, dinner, sitting in my office) or when I’m in the middle of something else. He gets pissy if he’s interrupted, even if there’s an urgent matter, but has no problem interrupting other people.

It’s not autism - it’s being a selfish jerk. You know how I know? He doesn’t do it with people outside the family.

My dad does the long lectures and its not autism, its self centered. If the word hadn’t been thrown around all the time, I’d say it was a narcissist trait.

But my dad does do it to people outside the family!

PP you quoted - my dad did too - and he was a professor!

I should clarify -my husband does go into monologue mode with others, but only gets cranky if family interrupts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah it ain’t autism. I am as autistic as is my DD. We love to info dump, but ask before doing so, & are aware if someone is not interested (rejection sensitivity).
This sounds like just man being man, everyone else be damned. Kind of annoying, honestly. I’d talk with him away from the table & let him know that sometimes you all need a second occasionally to get salt, salad dressing, etc.

This the difference between autism in men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH doesn't do this regularly, but I've been in the situation a few times with him and other various people.

I speak up in the moment - "sorry, excuse me. I want to hear the rest of this, but we need a quick break for refills. Could we pause for a minute?"

Do that often enough, and he may learn to adjust to taking breaks in his stories.

Except sometimes you don’t want to hear the long story but weren’t given a choice. What then. I call it holding court. Some people can just blather on forever.

This is very kind & polite. Love it!

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this (so yes, women can be like this). Nobody wants to hear what she’s talking about and she’s incredibly boring but mean if we interrupt or redirect. The problem with my mom is she thinks she’s absolutely fascinating and socially skilled.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. My mom also loves to lecture on things she knows nothing about. Like absolutely nothing. Business (she claims that there’s nothing in the Wall Street journal or economist she doesn’t know already lol), job advice (she has not worked since she was in her 20s), home improvement, astrophysics, etc. And she gets really mad if you try to politely redirect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah it ain’t autism. I am as autistic as is my DD. We love to info dump, but ask before doing so, & are aware if someone is not interested (rejection sensitivity).
This sounds like just man being man, everyone else be damned. Kind of annoying, honestly. I’d talk with him away from the table & let him know that sometimes you all need a second occasionally to get salt, salad dressing, etc.

But that implies that everyone has to be held hostage to his anger and listen to a long story they’re not interested in, once everyone is finished eating. I think family members don’t need to ask “for a second” - OP’s DH needs to be clued in to reciprocity in conversations, rather than monologuing.

I would allow him to be angry, rather than tip toe-ing around him. OP, why in the world did you apologize? Stop martyring yourself.

[Anonymous]

You don’t want your own child to emulate this aspect of his dad. Don’t normalize it.