I think therapy is unhelpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you go to a therapist, you tell them your woes but from an extremely biased, first person perspective. The therapist recieves the information from a biased narrator with no perspective or insight into other people the patient may reference.

How would a therapist guide you if she/he spends the entire session validating your perspective?

There are so many people who dig deeper into their dysfunction or selfishness because they’re now being validated by certified therapists.

Yes. People who engage in therapy are a red flag for me. They usually have really big issues and are unreliable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you go to a therapist, you tell them your woes but from an extremely biased, first person perspective. The therapist recieves the information from a biased narrator with no perspective or insight into other people the patient may reference.

How would a therapist guide you if she/he spends the entire session validating your perspective?

There are so many people who dig deeper into their dysfunction or selfishness because they’re now being validated by certified therapists.

so many of them outwardly condone marital affairs and believe any BS the cheater says in therapy about the 'why'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A bad therapist will just agree with how awful you say your life is.

A good therapist will validate your feelings, question your line of thinking, and help you come up with ways to change that thinking and resultant behaviors for a different and happier outcome.

Sounds like you've been going to a bad therapist[b].

Most of them are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A bad therapist will just agree with how awful you say your life is.

A good therapist will validate your feelings, question your line of thinking, and help you come up with ways to change that thinking and resultant behaviors for a different and happier outcome.

Sounds like you've been going to a bad therapist[b].

Most of them are.

+1

It is extremely rare to find one that clicks, just keep looking.

[Anonymous]

Saying therapy doesn't work is like saying the gym doesn't work, or the grocery store doesn't work. It works if you use it properly.

[Anonymous]

They don’t take sides or tell you what to do.

They help you understand why you are stuck and what you might do to improve your situation.

They help you find answers in yourself . They are not advice columnists or cheerleaders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the same issue with the counselor class at school. My kids had a lot of issues when it began. They’d go around telling people they weren’t filling their buckets. Instead of getting the message that they were mostly responsible for filling their own bucket. I feel like there’s a big emphasis on wallowing in your feelings vs resilience. I’m glad that they aren’t bullying each other but I think the emphasis should be on resilience. Learning to sit with your uncomfortable feelings and knowing that everyone has sad moments. How to work through anxiety.

This is too common. Therapy should be empowering not encourage pity and wallow. I see this more in young therapists though. This, along with the new trend of just cutting people out of your life completely is all dysfunctional and self-centered. There’s a difference between someone who shameless abused you and someone who is an imperfect human. Bad (and mostly young) therapists don’t distinguish and tell patients to cut them out. It’s lazy and immature.

No it’s not. The therapist simply points out that you can’t change other people. You can change your reaction though and you do not have to maintain relationships with people if you don’t want to. So much of bad family behavior is predicated on the indoctrination that you have to put up with anything because you are related to them. The therapist just points out that you are a free adult person and you can choose.

[Anonymous]

It is, specially if the therapist doesn’t have enough life experiences.

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree. DD is in therapy, and I or her dad have been sitting in on the sessions with her. We stay quiet most of the time, but do speak up when she says something that is biased (from her perspective). We offer our perspective, so the therapist can hear what we are seeing vs just DD's own biased views. Also, DD has a tendency to, not really lie, but remember things incorrectly. It happens a lot. My spouse, my other DC and I all notice it.

So, I think it's important for the therapists to realize that sometimes the patient's view is biased and/or they aren't remembering things quite correctly.

[Anonymous]

My HSer’s therapist told him that school is unimportant. As in all of it. As in it’s OK to not turn in his work, which happens to stress him out when he hasn’t done it. His grades are in the toilet and she reinforced his decision not to do the work. I was dumbfounded when she said this in my presence. She also told him that grades do not matter for getting into college. I agree to an extent. Kids will perfect GPAs and high SAT scores don’t guarantee admittance into even some state schools. However, he’s taken it as validation to not do any school work.

[Anonymous]

I’m not paying $100 an hour for someone to hear me complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is 100% dependent on the quality of the therapist and sadly, there are a lot of bad therapists. Especially the younger ones who were in school in the “everything unpleasant is trauma” era.

Great therapists change lives though.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not paying $100 an hour for someone to hear me complain.

Same here, lol. My manicurist doesn’t charge extra, but I tip well.

[Anonymous]

The only therapists that are helpful have had the same mental health condition themselves and overcame it. If a therapist is not an expert in their field, you're better off getting a self help book written by an expert. Therapists also give basic advice that you've already been doing for years. They may be a lot younger and don't have life experience. You have to pay them if they are not a good fit, and even if you try to quit, then you have to pay them for another session so they can get closure.

Rehashing things in therapy reinforces it. They don't know you so you spend all this time and money filling them in. It's probably better to just meditate or keep a journal.

If a spouse goes to therapy to deal with their marriage, the therapist doesn't get the whole story so can't really help. If you keep going to a therapist for years, then they aren't doing their job. There should be a goal so you can end treatment.

[Anonymous]

I have been going to Matthew Na at Full Circle Neiropsychiatriac Wellness Center in Reston, VA.

I feel accepted and cared for, but also challenged to grow. I’ve had four other therapists/psychologists, but Matt Na is like an entirely different species. I’ve never grown as much as I have the past year.