I find it annoying when people get on here and say it really doesn't matter where your kid goes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when people say it "doesn't matter", there's an unspoken caveat, that it doesn't matter within a larger-than-you-think pool of schools. Yes, there absolutely are schools that I would not want my kid to go to. Poor retention rate, crappy graduation rate. Can't get classes so you have to go for 5 years to get a degree that would be 4 years elsewhere.

At the same time, I believe it doesn't matter if my kid goes to the #30 ranked university vs. the #80.

And people here sweat whether a school is ranked 14 vs. 17. IT DOESN'T MATTER! You can't parse the rankings that closely.

Find a decent school with a good program for what your kid wants to do and where your kid will be happy.

My kid insisted on going to the number 1 ranked school for his engineering degree. Wouldn't listen to me that he would be unhappy there. He freaking hated it. Absolute misery. Struggling in classes. Finally agreed to transfer to a smaller, more laid back lower ranked school. He loves it and is doing very well.

I'd rather have a successful graduate of a middling school than a miserable kid who is struggling.

OP: I 100% agree that 14 vs 17 doesn't matter (and to an extent doesn't actually exist, because "prestige" or "quality" or "reputation" are so imprecise and subjective) but 14 vs 60 probably matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but it doesn’t matter. It matters to the the overbearing helicopter parent that wear their kid’s college brand like a designer handbag and that we will be directionless and aimless when DC leaves the nest. But for your kid, their employer will care that they went to school but not where. The exception, of course, is on both extremes. If they go to a top 5-7 school, great, they get bonus points (except for the many employers that specifically don’t want someone with those credentials because they tend to believe that they are entitled to an accelerated journey). On the other extreme, if they went to an online school or a super esoteric school, there better be a good reason.

Other than that, schools #7-150 or so are completely interchangeable in the real world.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree that this applies to everyone. The assumption that wealth & eduction correlates with Middle class white culture is so off-putting. I'm asian and a child of immigrants- I've seen way too many successful lives destroyed by events that would never be life 'destroyers' for their white peers b/c of a lack of exposure to ideas/UMC ways of doing things and confidence. The difference that going to a top ten law school would make for my kid even though their parents are lawyers will be much much bigger than it is for your kids and there are plenty of immigrants, brown and black people and even first generation college grad white posters here and we know better than you how social mobility works b/c its something we have experienced for ourselves, not just read about in the Atlantic and VOX. I've seen first hand the difference in girls who go to George mason vs. even UVA/George Washington and what they've gone on to do with their lives. Exposure to a wider set of possibilities and the self concept that you are one of the ppl who should be applying to post docs at Magdalen college and MS at LSE and opening businesses with friends you met at NYU Beijing are vastly different than a fed contractor driving to target and their home in Burke with no USAID/FSO posting in sight day after miserable day. Many ppl on here have benefited from their superior merit and work ethic and want make sure that their kids move that one rung up to having even more choices and possibilities when their grandparents struggled and sacrificed. That is what ppl move here for, if I wanted to keep treading water, my father should've stayed home and not left his family and everyone he held dear.

+1
AMEN!!

Thank you. It is nerve wrecking to have discussions on this board because the majority lack basic knowledge about the experiences of immigrants especially brown and black people.

Important to remember, we don't care. Black and brown people and immigrants don't care about us (or they hate us) so why should we care about them?

Also, the PP was Asian, and of all the "immigrants and non-whites" for whom what college they attend doesn't matter, they are the ones for whom it matters the least. Asian immigrants will absolutely do fine no matter what college they attend.

The Asian PP spent time explaining to you why it matters to them, and here you are negating their experience and opinion!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when people say it "doesn't matter", there's an unspoken caveat, that it doesn't matter within a larger-than-you-think pool of schools. Yes, there absolutely are schools that I would not want my kid to go to. Poor retention rate, crappy graduation rate. Can't get classes so you have to go for 5 years to get a degree that would be 4 years elsewhere.

At the same time, I believe it doesn't matter if my kid goes to the #30 ranked university vs. the #80.

And people here sweat whether a school is ranked 14 vs. 17. IT DOESN'T MATTER! You can't parse the rankings that closely.

Find a decent school with a good program for what your kid wants to do and where your kid will be happy.

My kid insisted on going to the number 1 ranked school for his engineering degree. Wouldn't listen to me that he would be unhappy there. He freaking hated it. Absolute misery. Struggling in classes. Finally agreed to transfer to a smaller, more laid back lower ranked school. He loves it and is doing very well.

I'd rather have a successful graduate of a middling school than a miserable kid who is struggling.

OP: I 100% agree that 14 vs 17 doesn't matter (and to an extent doesn't actually exist, because "prestige" or "quality" or "reputation" are so imprecise and subjective) but 14 vs 60 probably matters.

it depends, but overall major matters more in terms of outcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's like, why are you on here then?

People are trying to make choices. Sure it may not be life or death, but to be like, it doesn't matter, do whatever, are you really adding value?

I think what people are trying to say -

- Typically for an unhooked person - major matters more than the college.
- Mental health of students is extremely important. And having a mentally healthy child is more important than anything.

[Anonymous]

College choice doesn't matter as much as some agonized parents on DCUM think it does, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter at all, and that distinction is probably very individual and career-dependent. The truth is that teens should not close doors for themselves, and should strive to get into a college that has a strong reputation for their desired major, and then take it from there.

The other stuff, like parents asking whether a college is trendy or popular, doesn't matter. What matters to interviewers and grad school admissions is the overall reputation, or a particular major's reputation. If you're wondering about colleges without a national reputation... then your child isn't going to be picked based on where they went to college anyway. They'll be picked for how well they explain their career goals and expertise, and how they present themselves at the interview.

Point being: the agency you think you have is not where you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's like, why are you on here then?

People are trying to make choices. Sure it may not be life or death, but to be like, it doesn't matter, do whatever, are you really adding value?

I think what people are trying to say -

- Typically for an unhooked person - major matters more than the college.
- Mental health of students is extremely important. And having a mentally healthy child is more important than anything.

For outcome, it's a fact that major matters much more.

[Anonymous]

Agree that one's major area of study can be important, but for a humanities major, it does matter where your kid earns his or her undergraduate degree.

[Anonymous]

My kid wants a career that basically hinges on them going to a single school or going somewhere else and having an even lower chance of doing it afterward. Yeah - it makes where they go.

For people like me, it doesn't. State land grant was just fine.

[Anonymous]

It is funny. I just interviewed a person from a senior counsel position for a large tech company. He would be managing one of my teams. When I asked him to tell me a little about himself, he mentioned about 5 or 6 times in the first two times he went to Havard as an undergrad. While a nice accomplishment, it was going to factor in whether I hired this person. I was more interested in his work experience and how he is as a manager. At the end of the meeting, he again refferenced his time at Havard. I felt like I was interviewing Andy Bernard. He did not get the job.

Places like Harvard can open the door but its impact is muted the further one advances in his/her/ they career.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter where your kid goes.

Just be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but it doesn’t matter. It matters to the the overbearing helicopter parent that wear their kid’s college brand like a designer handbag and that we will be directionless and aimless when DC leaves the nest. But for your kid, their employer will care that they went to school but not where. The exception, of course, is on both extremes. If they go to a top 5-7 school, great, they get bonus points (except for the many employers that specifically don’t want someone with those credentials because they tend to believe that they are entitled to an accelerated journey). On the other extreme, if they went to an online school or a super esoteric school, there better be a good reason.

Other than that, schools #7-150 or so are completely interchangeable in the real world.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree that this applies to everyone. The assumption that wealth & eduction correlates with Middle class white culture is so off-putting. I'm asian and a child of immigrants- I've seen way too many successful lives destroyed by events that would never be life 'destroyers' for their white peers b/c of a lack of exposure to ideas/UMC ways of doing things and confidence. The difference that going to a top ten law school would make for my kid even though their parents are lawyers will be much much bigger than it is for your kids and there are plenty of immigrants, brown and black people and even first generation college grad white posters here and we know better than you how social mobility works b/c its something we have experienced for ourselves, not just read about in the Atlantic and VOX. I've seen first hand the difference in girls who go to George mason vs. even UVA/George Washington and what they've gone on to do with their lives. Exposure to a wider set of possibilities and the self concept that you are one of the ppl who should be applying to post docs at Magdalen college and MS at LSE and opening businesses with friends you met at NYU Beijing are vastly different than a fed contractor driving to target and their home in Burke with no USAID/FSO posting in sight day after miserable day. Many ppl on here have benefited from their superior merit and work ethic and want make sure that their kids move that one rung up to having even more choices and possibilities when their grandparents struggled and sacrificed. That is what ppl move here for, if I wanted to keep treading water, my father should've stayed home and not left his family and everyone he held dear.

+1
AMEN!!

Thank you. It is nerve wrecking to have discussions on this board because the majority lack basic knowledge about the experiences of immigrants especially brown and black people.

Wait, “even though their parents are lawyers”?! Are you for real?

How much is enough?!

Reread and try to put your self in the shoes of a POC immigrant lawyer, trying to make it in corporate America.

But OP is an immigrant. Parents were immigrants. So their kid that is applying now has Grandparents that are immigrants and parents that are American born lawyers for goodness sakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but it doesn’t matter. It matters to the the overbearing helicopter parent that wear their kid’s college brand like a designer handbag and that we will be directionless and aimless when DC leaves the nest. But for your kid, their employer will care that they went to school but not where. The exception, of course, is on both extremes. If they go to a top 5-7 school, great, they get bonus points (except for the many employers that specifically don’t want someone with those credentials because they tend to believe that they are entitled to an accelerated journey). On the other extreme, if they went to an online school or a super esoteric school, there better be a good reason.

Other than that, schools #7-150 or so are completely interchangeable in the real world.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree that this applies to everyone. The assumption that wealth & eduction correlates with Middle class white culture is so off-putting. I'm asian and a child of immigrants- I've seen way too many successful lives destroyed by events that would never be life 'destroyers' for their white peers b/c of a lack of exposure to ideas/UMC ways of doing things and confidence. The difference that going to a top ten law school would make for my kid even though their parents are lawyers will be much much bigger than it is for your kids and there are plenty of immigrants, brown and black people and even first generation college grad white posters here and we know better than you how social mobility works b/c its something we have experienced for ourselves, not just read about in the Atlantic and VOX. I've seen first hand the difference in girls who go to George mason vs. even UVA/George Washington and what they've gone on to do with their lives. Exposure to a wider set of possibilities and the self concept that you are one of the ppl who should be applying to post docs at Magdalen college and MS at LSE and opening businesses with friends you met at NYU Beijing are vastly different than a fed contractor driving to target and their home in Burke with no USAID/FSO posting in sight day after miserable day. Many ppl on here have benefited from their superior merit and work ethic and want make sure that their kids move that one rung up to having even more choices and possibilities when their grandparents struggled and sacrificed. That is what ppl move here for, if I wanted to keep treading water, my father should've stayed home and not left his family and everyone he held dear.

+1
AMEN!!

Thank you. It is nerve wrecking to have discussions on this board because the majority lack basic knowledge about the experiences of immigrants especially brown and black people.

Wait, “even though their parents are lawyers”?! Are you for real?

How much is enough?!

Reread and try to put your self in the shoes of a POC immigrant lawyer, trying to make it in corporate America.

But OP is an immigrant. Parents were immigrants. So their kid that is applying now has Grandparents that are immigrants and parents that are American born lawyers for goodness sakes.

** OP is NOT an immigrant

[Anonymous]

“Reread and try to put your self in the shoes of a POC immigrant lawyer, trying to make it in corporate America. “

But OP is not an immigrant. Parents were immigrants. So their kid that is applying now has Grandparents that are immigrants and parents that are American born lawyers for goodness sakes.

[Anonymous]

What I don’t get is why people are so intent on convincing others it doesn’t matter. If that’s your belief, fine. Send your kids wherever and live your life. You have to be massively insecure to care what others are doing.

I’d also note that my most successful state school graduate friends and colleagues are VERY focused on sending their kids to Ivys or the equivalent, so they must think they missed out on something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but it doesn’t matter. It matters to the the overbearing helicopter parent that wear their kid’s college brand like a designer handbag and that we will be directionless and aimless when DC leaves the nest. But for your kid, their employer will care that they went to school but not where. The exception, of course, is on both extremes. If they go to a top 5-7 school, great, they get bonus points (except for the many employers that specifically don’t want someone with those credentials because they tend to believe that they are entitled to an accelerated journey). On the other extreme, if they went to an online school or a super esoteric school, there better be a good reason.

Other than that, schools #7-150 or so are completely interchangeable in the real world.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree that this applies to everyone. The assumption that wealth & eduction correlates with Middle class white culture is so off-putting. I'm asian and a child of immigrants- I've seen way too many successful lives destroyed by events that would never be life 'destroyers' for their white peers b/c of a lack of exposure to ideas/UMC ways of doing things and confidence. The difference that going to a top ten law school would make for my kid even though their parents are lawyers will be much much bigger than it is for your kids and there are plenty of immigrants, brown and black people and even first generation college grad white posters here and we know better than you how social mobility works b/c its something we have experienced for ourselves, not just read about in the Atlantic and VOX. I've seen first hand the difference in girls who go to George mason vs. even UVA/George Washington and what they've gone on to do with their lives. Exposure to a wider set of possibilities and the self concept that you are one of the ppl who should be applying to post docs at Magdalen college and MS at LSE and opening businesses with friends you met at NYU Beijing are vastly different than a fed contractor driving to target and their home in Burke with no USAID/FSO posting in sight day after miserable day. Many ppl on here have benefited from their superior merit and work ethic and want make sure that their kids move that one rung up to having even more choices and possibilities when their grandparents struggled and sacrificed. That is what ppl move here for, if I wanted to keep treading water, my father should've stayed home and not left his family and everyone he held dear.

+1
AMEN!!

Thank you. It is nerve wrecking to have discussions on this board because the majority lack basic knowledge about the experiences of immigrants especially brown and black people.

Wait, “even though their parents are lawyers”?! Are you for real?

How much is enough?!

Reread and try to put your self in the shoes of a POC immigrant lawyer, trying to make it in corporate America.

But OP is an immigrant. Parents were immigrants. So their kid that is applying now has Grandparents that are immigrants and parents that are American born lawyers for goodness sakes.

I am betting though that OP, the non immigrant POC lawyer, still has the bamboo ceiling and model minority bias to deal with, from their white elite Ivy league educated colleagues. But you still insist it doesn’t matter which college they attend.