frigid wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so sorry for your husband. You clearly do not love him. Why on earth would you do anything to please you?

He shouldn’t be taking care of his own children and household to “please her”. He should be doing it because he’s a grown ass adult.

+1. He should absolutely be taking care of his own kids no matter what she does or doesn't do.

And she shouldn't be getting involved with him romantically because he's taking care of his kids. She should be doing it because he's theoretically the person she loves best in the world and who she swore to be with forever.

Sure, but even if you don’t feel like being a good parent or a good spouse, you should still try to fake it.

having sex when you don't feel like it seems a bit rapey, or like duty sex. Gross.

If you are married to the same person for more than 25 years, it's duty sex most of the time. Duh.

Oooor you just stop having sex. Which most couples do, eventually [cue the outliers on DCUM who will come on here and claim they still have sex 3x a week at 65 -- this is a tiny percent of all long-married couples].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said "I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic."

Here is the problem: She has not been clear.

Here is what she should say to her husband: "I am still horny and want to have sex all of the time, but not with you. But that can change that. I don't F*** you because you don't pull your weight around here and it is unattractive. Nothing dries out my p*ssy more than a lazy man, which is what your are. If you really put in an effort, I will F*** you five times a week. If you don't, I will eventually look elsewhere. You decide."

Men can't possibly be so dumb you have to be this blunt?

Do you live in a harem or on a deserted island or under a rock? I'm willing to concede that men may not be dumb but they are prone to interpreting words in a way they're more comfortable with or because they think you don't really mean what you said or that they have a better idea/way.

A few years ago, my DH asked me if I liked book lights. I, clearly, said "NO". I went on to explain that most of my reading is done on a Kindle, I didn't like them, I didn't want one and wouldn't use it. Yet, what did he get me for Christmas? I asked him if heard me say I didn't like/want/wouldn't use it. He said, yes, but the reviews were really good and he thought I'd change my mind. You ought to head over to TikTok it's filled with real life examples of this kind of shlt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said "I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic."

Here is the problem: She has not been clear.

Here is what she should say to her husband: "I am still horny and want to have sex all of the time, but not with you. But that can change that. I don't F*** you because you don't pull your weight around here and it is unattractive. Nothing dries out my p*ssy more than a lazy man, which is what your are. If you really put in an effort, I will F*** you five times a week. If you don't, I will eventually look elsewhere. You decide."

Men can't possibly be so dumb you have to be this blunt?

Do you live in a harem or on a deserted island or under a rock? I'm willing to concede that men may not be dumb but they are prone to interpreting words in a way they're more comfortable with or because they think you don't really mean what you said or that they have a better idea/way.

A few years ago, my DH asked me if I liked book lights. I, clearly, said "NO". I went on to explain that most of my reading is done on a Kindle, I didn't like them, I didn't want one and wouldn't use it. Yet, what did he get me for Christmas? I asked him if heard me say I didn't like/want/wouldn't use it. He said, yes, but the reviews were really good and he thought I'd change my mind. You ought to head over to TikTok it's filled with real life examples of this kind of shlt.

80% of my colleagues are men, and they understand perfectly well in a work context that I mean what I say. Why do they turn their brains off once they get home then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Looooool you think women are just throwing themselves at pot-bellied mid-40s men with sour attitudes? I mean … maybe if he pays for it …

No!! Women don't throw themselves at those kind of men. But... women really don't throw themselves at ANY man.

Agreed, he (like ANY man) needs to do the work to find sex. Maybe he even needs to pay for it.
THE WHOLE POINT IS .. he's a man. So he needs sex. And he will do whatever it takes to meet that need.
Women (like OP) don't work that way. She can easily go about her life as sexless days/weeks/months/years go by.

These days men just use porn and cam girls - esp guys in their 30s.
It's low effort and they love it.

[Anonymous]

I have the same dynamic, OP. I keep coming back to “if he wanted to, he would.”

I’d like to think my husband is trying his best and his best is just below my bare minimum, but actually he’s perfectly capable of working hard and learning things when it suits him.

So if he wanted me to be attracted to him, he’d put in the work to be a good partner. Unfortunately, we may be turned off by different things but the disconnect is a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP said "I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic."

Here is the problem: She has not been clear.

Here is what she should say to her husband: "I am still horny and want to have sex all of the time, but not with you. But that can change that. I don't F*** you because you don't pull your weight around here and it is unattractive. Nothing dries out my p*ssy more than a lazy man, which is what your are. If you really put in an effort, I will F*** you five times a week. If you don't, I will eventually look elsewhere. You decide."

Men can't possibly be so dumb you have to be this blunt?

Do you live in a harem or on a deserted island or under a rock? I'm willing to concede that men may not be dumb but they are prone to interpreting words in a way they're more comfortable with or because they think you don't really mean what you said or that they have a better idea/way.

A few years ago, my DH asked me if I liked book lights. I, clearly, said "NO". I went on to explain that most of my reading is done on a Kindle, I didn't like them, I didn't want one and wouldn't use it. Yet, what did he get me for Christmas? I asked him if heard me say I didn't like/want/wouldn't use it. He said, yes, but the reviews were really good and he thought I'd change my mind. You ought to head over to TikTok it's filled with real life examples of this kind of shlt.

80% of my colleagues are men, and they understand perfectly well in a work context that I mean what I say. Why do they turn their brains off once they get home then?

Because they want to take the easy way out and not put in the effort. PP said she didn’t want/need a reading light because it’s not necessary with a Kindle. Her husband brought her one anyway because it was easier than finding something else. 🤷‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

Are you joking every single day the news is filled with men who can’t keep it in their pants doing some outrageous (often risky, or illegal, or violent) thing for sex. I do not condone that behavior. But this is what men do for sex. Any normal man with a sexless wife who claims he’s faithful … ask him again in a year. Over time, Biology always wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

Are you joking every single day the news is filled with men who can’t keep it in their pants doing some outrageous (often risky, or illegal, or violent) thing for sex. I do not condone that behavior. But this is what men do for sex. Any normal man with a sexless wife who claims he’s faithful … ask him again in a year. Over time, Biology always wins.

This argument doesn’t make sense because the easiest path to sex by far is his wife. All he would have to do is be a 20% better partner. A mistress is a lot more work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I imagine i'll get flamed a bunch of different ways for this, but I guess putting it out there anyway to see if any other wives feel the same or help husbands see their situation differently (or visa versa if roles are flipped).

I'm 40 and my husband would say i've lost interest in sex. we very very very rarely have sex and I overall show little physical affection towards him. But I haven't lost interest in sex at all! I am still very into it, take care of it myself, and would be having plenty of it if I was single...what i've lost is interest in sex with him. I don't understand how he thinks i'd be attracted to him when he spend his time sitting around on his phone instead of interacting wit his family, when he's so fine watching me take care of so much of the domestic load while he hides from it even though we're supposed to be partners, when he makes a 5 minute attempt at being a "good dad" and then gets frustrated and withdraws from our kids when they don't listen to him, when he doesn't do simple things that he knows would make me more physically attracted to him, when he uses all his people energy for people at work and leaves nothing left for his personal relationships.

I'm sure i'll get the comment "well if you're not having sex with him, don't be surprised if someone looks elsewhere" and honestly that would be fine with me because it'd mean i could too. I've even hinted at an open relationship and he's shown no interest in having that convo. I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic

We are able to get along ok enough for it to be worth it to keep an intact family for the kids and both of us would prefer that to divorcing for more fulfilling romantic lives (we both have experience with divorce and appreciate how little kids care about if their parents relationship is close and fulfilling as long as its peaceful and a calm household). But I guess as a PSA, if you think your wife had kids and closed up shop no longer having time and interest in having sex - i'd bet my money its alive and well in her imagination and the problem isn't her sex drive

also for other common comments - yes we've tried therapy, he just has very little need for any interpersonal connections and isn't interested in changing that. and no i didn't know he was like this before we got married because he wasn't like this while we were dating and once married we got on to kids quickly bc of our age

This 100 %. Every woman I know who does not want sex with husband still have a very vivid interal sex life, she is bored and wants something new. Divorced women who were in sexless marraiges get a ton of sex once they are separated. Society has it backwards its women who get bored first in marriage, but we tough it our for the kids. Men are weaker and more likely to just cheat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

Are you joking every single day the news is filled with men who can’t keep it in their pants doing some outrageous (often risky, or illegal, or violent) thing for sex. I do not condone that behavior. But this is what men do for sex. Any normal man with a sexless wife who claims he’s faithful … ask him again in a year. Over time, Biology always wins.

This argument doesn’t make sense because the easiest path to sex by far is his wife. All he would have to do is be a 20% better partner. A mistress is a lot more work.

OP is a self labeled frigid wife. By far it is much less work for him to just go find a new partner and drop a few lines, pull a few moves, he has the supreme advantage as the “exciting new guy”. There is zero chance this guy gets his frigid wife interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I imagine i'll get flamed a bunch of different ways for this, but I guess putting it out there anyway to see if any other wives feel the same or help husbands see their situation differently (or visa versa if roles are flipped).

I'm 40 and my husband would say i've lost interest in sex. we very very very rarely have sex and I overall show little physical affection towards him. But I haven't lost interest in sex at all! I am still very into it, take care of it myself, and would be having plenty of it if I was single...what i've lost is interest in sex with him. I don't understand how he thinks i'd be attracted to him when he spend his time sitting around on his phone instead of interacting wit his family, when he's so fine watching me take care of so much of the domestic load while he hides from it even though we're supposed to be partners, when he makes a 5 minute attempt at being a "good dad" and then gets frustrated and withdraws from our kids when they don't listen to him, when he doesn't do simple things that he knows would make me more physically attracted to him, when he uses all his people energy for people at work and leaves nothing left for his personal relationships.

I'm sure i'll get the comment "well if you're not having sex with him, don't be surprised if someone looks elsewhere" and honestly that would be fine with me because it'd mean i could too. I've even hinted at an open relationship and he's shown no interest in having that convo. I've also stated the problem fairly clearly to him and he does the half asked "well i asked you about your day yesterday and cleaned up the kitchen once" like that changes years of the dynamic

We are able to get along ok enough for it to be worth it to keep an intact family for the kids and both of us would prefer that to divorcing for more fulfilling romantic lives (we both have experience with divorce and appreciate how little kids care about if their parents relationship is close and fulfilling as long as its peaceful and a calm household). But I guess as a PSA, if you think your wife had kids and closed up shop no longer having time and interest in having sex - i'd bet my money its alive and well in her imagination and the problem isn't her sex drive

also for other common comments - yes we've tried therapy, he just has very little need for any interpersonal connections and isn't interested in changing that. and no i didn't know he was like this before we got married because he wasn't like this while we were dating and once married we got on to kids quickly bc of our age

This 100 %. Every woman I know who does not want sex with husband still have a very vivid interal sex life, she is bored and wants something new. Divorced women who were in sexless marraiges get a ton of sex once they are separated. Society has it backwards its women who get bored first in marriage, but we tough it our for the kids. Men are weaker and more likely to just cheat.

[phone] spot on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

Are you joking every single day the news is filled with men who can’t keep it in their pants doing some outrageous (often risky, or illegal, or violent) thing for sex. I do not condone that behavior. But this is what men do for sex. Any normal man with a sexless wife who claims he’s faithful … ask him again in a year. Over time, Biology always wins.

This argument doesn’t make sense because the easiest path to sex by far is his wife. All he would have to do is be a 20% better partner. A mistress is a lot more work.

OP is a self labeled frigid wife. By far it is much less work for him to just go find a new partner and drop a few lines, pull a few moves, he has the supreme advantage as the “exciting new guy”. There is zero chance this guy gets his frigid wife interested.

So you just can't read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really hard to be a jerk to someone who loves you completely and unconditionally.

If he’s a good enough guy to want him around your kids, then he probably will try and do what you want if he feels that you love and respect him.

Why don’t you just try acting like a loving wife for a week and see how it goes. Be the kind of wife that you hope your son will have one day.

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Thanks for the laugh.

not OP

LOL. What I would like for my son is a wife who has a backbone and calls him out on his BS. But good luck finding a doormat for yours!

Being a good partner is not the same as being a doormat.

If anything, I would say that Op is being kind of a doormat right now, albeit a passive-aggressive one. She does everything around the house and for the children while he does what he wants to.
I don’t know why she doesn’t feel entitled to telling her husband that he needs to pick up the load, but ending their sex life probably doesn’t help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While you OP (a woman) are fine going sexless, be advised that men don't do that. So he is 100% most definitely getting sex elsewhere. But do carry on with your perfect sexless (for you) marriage OP.

Believe me, this is not 100% definite. It’s not that simple or easy to “get it elsewhere”.

I never claimed it would be easy or simple to get it elsewhere. I do still claim he IS getting it elsewhere. Because he's a man, he needs sex and will do whatever work is needed.

True, you don’t say that it’s easy but you do claim that men will expend arbitrary effort for sex. But many threads on DCUM have men claiming that they’re dissatisfied but faithful, so apparently they won’t “do whatever” it takes. So the “100% most definitely” part of the statement doesn’t seem to fit the reality we see here.

Are you joking every single day the news is filled with men who can’t keep it in their pants doing some outrageous (often risky, or illegal, or violent) thing for sex. I do not condone that behavior. But this is what men do for sex. Any normal man with a sexless wife who claims he’s faithful … ask him again in a year. Over time, Biology always wins.

Let me read that back to you… ‘I see lots of guys acting this way therefore absolutely all guys this way and the people who claim otherwise based on their own experience will come to realize they’re wrong.’ Ok, I’m totally convinced by the unassailable power of this reasoning.