Best toddler tips you have or have received from parents with "good kids"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually the best advice I got was 1) parenting is not intuitive and a non-parent can often have better advice than a parent, and 2) more often than not, there is not a direct causation between a parent's parenting style and a child's behavior.

Yes and no. My sister is incredibly lax with her daughter and just ends up apologizing a lot for her daughter's behavior. It started out small - like my daughter always sharing her toys and her daughter never sharing her toys and then it escalated to her daughter taking my younger daughter's toys, but now her daughter just doesn't have any understanding of what is reasonable (at Christmas she asked my sister if the entire family could eat dinner at the table in the kitchen and when my sister asked us if we all thought that was reasonable and we all said no her daughter threw a huge fit). Her daughter does not tolerate being told "no" even when it's justified. It wasn't a big deal when her daughter was 2, but now that her daughter is 4 it's really becoming a problem. Unsurprisingly, my daughters don't like playing with their cousin and my sister's daughter doesn't get invited to playdates even though my sister is very social with other moms. You can't change your kids' personality but you do need to adapt your parenting style to your kids. You may feel like you are being harder on one kid or always saying "no" to one kid but there may be a good reason for that...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes you need to know when your child needs compassion more than punishment. It can be hard to discern, but eventually you can tell when your kid is intentionally pushing boundaries vs just having a tough time. If it’s the latter, then no amount of consequences will change anything.

We’ve all had tough days where sometimes we just need someone to give us a break. I will give my kids a hug when I think they need it. That usually helps them calm down and we can talk things through. I started this young with them.

This is very good advice

[Anonymous]

Do not cut the banana. Even if they say they want the banana cut. Don’t do it. You’ll ruin their life.

That’s my metaphor for parenting a “good” toddler. Nothing makes sense and nothing you do or don’t do is the right thing. I think it’s all a bit of luck. Just do the best you can each day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The buck stops with you. If your three year old has a meltdown or misbehaves it is your fault. Have realistic expectations and meditate on what YOU need to change to set them up for success. If my kids make a mistake it's my mistake.

I guess technically his tantrums are my fault -- in the sense that I gave birth to him instead of aborting him. Forgive me for not being psychic and knowing ahead of time he would be on the spectrum.

[Anonymous]

Not exactly on point, but the best toddler parenting advice I got came from a childless friend: there is nothing a toddler likes better than doing a mundane task in the most inefficient way possible. This is frustrating when you are trying to get out the door, but a godsend when you can buy 5 minutes of breathing room by asking your kid to put away a puzzle by picking up one piece at a time and running a loop through the house before placing it in the box. Repeat x100 (or x1000, depending on the size of the puzzle).

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

[Anonymous]

I’ll be honest I have a “good kid.” People compliment his behavior all the time. His friend’s parents love to have him over and he gets a ton of good citizenship awards at school and stuff. Even my IL’s have directly said “you (DH and myself) did such a good job raising him!”

I honestly think it’s mostly luck. He was so hard as a newborn and a baby/young toddler, and also had some physical health issues, but then he mellowed out completely after he turned 2. I don’t know. I didn’t do any of the recommended intensive parenting stuff. Didn’t breastfeed, didn’t make his baby food, didn’t do cloth diapers, didnt co-sleep or bed share, and he went to day care until his health situation and my work situation became untenable then I started SAH. He just really is a good, nice kid and I consider myself extremely lucky. His brother has autism so he’s a little more complicated, but nothing much we can do about that and people like having him around too as long as they’re aware of and prepared for his specific quirks and needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through all of these, but I have two kids and one was a very difficult toddler (biting, hitting, etc.) and the other a very easy toddler (always kind and well behaved at school). You get what you get and you don’t get upset!

+1 here. When I had a second child I realized you can do the same thing with a different kid and the result can be completely different.

[Anonymous]

- Sometimes "offering choices" is counterproductive and you just need to simplify the routine (e.g., laying out clothes the night before)

- Repetition and consistency are key when teaching them manners - it may seem like they ignore everything you say but it eventually sticks

-I love this one that I heard: "You don't have to show up for every fight you're invited to." I tend to escalate power struggles/conflicts so this was helpful.

-Timers are key when transitioning out of an activity (leaving playground, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The buck stops with you. If your three year old has a meltdown or misbehaves it is your fault. Have realistic expectations and meditate on what YOU need to change to set them up for success. If my kids make a mistake it's my mistake.

Not true, and I'm a super strict, uptight parent compared to the typical DMV mom. Sometimes their brains just overheat and short-circuit. But it is good to be mindful of circumstances and "set them up for success", for sure.

[Anonymous]

For a toddler? Picking your battles. It is exhausting and pointless to fight every fight with a toddler that doesn't have a mature enough brain for rationality, impulse control, etc. If they insist on the same rain boots every day, who cares? If they just won't listen when you tell them to stop locking the baby gate, then get a different gate. But manners, empathy, sharing, and "good human" behaviors are hills worth dying on. Not that your kid won't smack their sibling or refuse to share their snack (that was supposed to be for everyone), but make sure they KNOW they are expected to act like good people and don't make excuses and ignore bad behavior because they're "too young." And model apologizing for mistakes. If you fess up to your mistakes, you're a lot more likely to have an honest big kid that doesn't try to sneak and lie.

And parent the kid you have. Some learn lessons relatively easily, some toddlers are just chaos and need time to mature. You didn't fail if you happened to get the latter kind of kid.

[Anonymous]

Yesterday my 4 yo was refusing to pick up food she threw on the floor, so I told her that her wind up toy was going to get pick it up first and that she had better hurry if she wanted to win. Then she went for it easily. Not sure if she learned any lessons from this but it was more effective than repeatedly asking her to do it and having her repeatedly refuse.

Sometimes you just have to experiment to figure out what works. Different children respond to different things.

[Anonymous]

Best advice as a parent:

-prioritize their sleep/rest. Everyone is happier and calmer and healthier when they've had enough sleep. My kids had a consistent daily nap at home in their crib/bed and went to bed no later than 7pm each night when they were toddlers. Even once they dropped the nap around age 3-4, we still kept a consistent daily rest time where they were either playing quietly in their room by themselves or I was reading to them or doing puzzles with them or something that was quiet and restful.

-make sure they get lots of outdoor time and time to run around and get energy out. Even when it's rainy or really cold or really hot, we'd try to get outside for at least a little while each day. Let them have plenty of unstructured/"free play" time instead of overscheduling with things like toddler gymnastics or baby music class or playdates or whatever.

-be present with them instead of being on your phone or otherwise distracted. Give them your full attention and time as much as you can. But give yourself enough time for rest/breaks too and when you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed or frustrated with your child, give yourself a little break before reacting to what your child is doing. Listen to what they are saying. Play with them and read to them.

-eat healthy and provide lots of snacks and small meals throughout the day instead of making toddlers wait to eat. A lot of times for us, a meltdown could be avoided by providing a snack break. I always kept things like clementines, cut up fruit and vegetables, cheese slices/cubes around for this purpose. (Still do even now that my kids are older).

-have simple, consistent rules and boundaries in place that are easy for child to understand/follow/remember and make sure they know the rules of a place before you go (for example, I'd have to tell my kids when we went to my grandmother's house what they were allowed to touch/do ahead of time so they understood expectations before we even got there)

-Be kind but firm and consistent. the more upset/out of control/wild they get, the calmer you should get. You have to remain calm and not raise your voice. Repeat the same rule/expectation consistently in a calm/neutral way. Provide lots of affection/hugs and kindness to them in these moments where they are losing control so that they feel safe in expressing their feelings to you but still be clear what kind of behavior you will not tolerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prioritize sleep. Go outside and play every day, no matter the weather. In fact, especially in bad weather! Limit screens.

This exactly. And carry healthy snacks at all times.

This is me too. Non perishable snack and sippy cup in my purse.

Outside everyday no matter what....even if it's 40 degrees and rainy and we last only 30 min. outside.

[Anonymous]

small healthy snacks throughout the day for toddlers. They get suddenly hangry and then they are impossible to soothe. If their little tummies are not empty and they are not starving, they will often times fall asleep when they are tired.

I used to give my DC a bottle of milk in the car as soon as I picked him from the daycare and strapped him in the car seat. The snack made him instantly feel looked after, less hungry and less emotional for being away from me. I did not even talk to him, I quickly gave a hug, scooped him in the car seat and gave him the bottle. He would start drinking as I strapped him in the seat. The hand wiping and giving him pieces of fruit or cheerios or cheese stick happened after he had some food in his belly.