Food for adults at birthday party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a ton of food at our sons party last night and it was enjoyed by parents and kids. No idea why people think it’s fine to completely ignore that parents are there and may want to eat? If parents are expected to stay they should be offered food and beverages. We had chicken tenders, a veggie plate, pizza (ordered 4, we came home with one whole pizza minus 1 slice), fruit skewers, watermelon and cake plus tons of lemonade, water and seltzer. I’d say the parents/babysitters are as much as the kids (as they were mostly standing/sitting around the food and kids were running around playing).
It cost me maybe $150 for everything, I prepped the fruit and veg just before and cooked the chicken (from Trader Joe’s). Pizzas were $70 and I’d generously estimate $80 for everything else.

Pretty much similar cost for me too for food - I think I spent $15 on water bottles and coke for grownups, $10 on individual kids juice, $20 on snacks, $10 on a fruit tray which I made, $25 on cupcakes so around $80 for these and then $100 on pizza (I ordered 8) so about $180 to feed 25 people. We had 3 pizzas leftover so I guess I could say $150 for food and water. We did spend $120 on goody bags and decoration so in the end we spent about $300 for a home party. A venue party would cost $600 for 20 kids with food just for kids. I do agree that adults should not expect to be fed at venue parties if the kids are drop off age. Otherwise, it wouldn't hurt to do the pizza add on for $50 (which we did when we had a venue party and kids were not drop off age)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It wasn’t a drop off party. That was made clear. Maybe I’m weird but we usually eat between 530 and 6 because we have kid activities most evenings. I’m also Italian and am always used to having way more food than necessary. I was quite hungry since I hadn’t eaten since lunch at 1130. I just know that any birthday party I’ve ever hosted has had more than enough food for all attendees, even parents who may be dropping off. I wasn’t trying to gorge on pizza, I was just surprised that there wasn’t so much as a veggie platter for adults.

I am also Italian, and I would not expect adult food at a kids' play place. And being Italian, even if it was provided, I wouldn't eat it anyways because it's almost always disgusting (che schifo!). If the party was in someone's private home or a park, and adults were invited, I'd be more inclined to think they should provide a small snack for the grown-ups, but wouldn't be the least bit miffed if there wasn't anything for me. I can handle my own food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a you problem. So what that you had to race from event to event and showed up hungry. Plan your day better.

What a stupid, unhelpful comment. People have jobs. I'm not burning leave to take my kid to a birthday party. Whether or not the parents should have had more food, this attitude is just nasty.

[Anonymous]

5 pizzas=40 slices for 24 kids. maybe they should have gotten one more pie so each kid could have 2 pieces, but sometimes kids don't eat much when they're busy with their friends (and then you have the kids who eat 5 slices and throw off your calculations).

Re: adults, most of them at drop off parties don't eat a thing. Maybe they'll have a bite of cake, but usually they don't touch the food. Don't be nasty OP about calling the host cheap--this isn't a dinner party where you have an expecation of being fed. It's a kid's party and you are not a guest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

This is the answer. OP, we are Jewish and we feed people just as Italians do. My Indian friends are also lovely when it comes to making sure guests are fed. I don’t necessarily think the hosts were being cheap. I think people have a different sense of what is appropriate, as evidenced on this thread. I think a non drop off party at dinner time absolutely should have had food for parents available. I also think there is a weird dynamic in this area where moms don’t eat the pizza or cake or pretend they don’t eat at all. When we went to kid bday parties in NYC, not only did the parents eat, but both parents came to all parties and hosts served good wine. This area is just not that way.

I mean, I'm mongrel American middle class, and my mom lives in horror of not having enough food. It's a weird DC area UMC thing. If the party wasn't drop off, or was in a location far enough away that parents are likely to stay because there's not time to go home or whatever and get back, I would assume that at least some of them will be hungry and have at least some snacks on hand, like a veggie tray with hummus or something or extra pizza. And we'd offer them cake, for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused about why you thought there would be food for the parents? I never expect food.

Not OP, but OP said it was clear that it was not a drop off party and that parents were expected to stay on a work night. The parent for each child is then a guest at the party. I have gone to those kinds of places where there aren’t even enough chairs for me to sit down. If you are making a parent stay, then as a host you should make sure they they have a bottle of water, some chips, and offer a slice of cake. And don’t cry poverty, because those places are stupid expensive so if money was an object, you wouldn’t be using one of those awful places.

OP, it was rude and the hosts were cheap.

Yep. If you expect parents to stay, you feed them. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

No, we just know the difference between kids who are guests of a party, and who should be well fed if the party is at meal time, and the parents who are dropping off and picking up.

You would be seeing different answers here if this were a toddler or preschool party.

This. Those advocating that the parents should have been fed are basically saying that if you throw a dinner party, you are obligated to feed your guests' Uber drivers. Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

This is the answer. OP, we are Jewish and we feed people just as Italians do. My Indian friends are also lovely when it comes to making sure guests are fed. I don’t necessarily think the hosts were being cheap. I think people have a different sense of what is appropriate, as evidenced on this thread. I think a non drop off party at dinner time absolutely should have had food for parents available. I also think there is a weird dynamic in this area where moms don’t eat the pizza or cake or pretend they don’t eat at all. When we went to kid bday parties in NYC, not only did the parents eat, but both parents came to all parties and hosts served good wine. This area is just not that way.

I mean, I'm mongrel American middle class, and my mom lives in horror of not having enough food. It's a weird DC area UMC thing. If the party wasn't drop off, or was in a location far enough away that parents are likely to stay because there's not time to go home or whatever and get back, I would assume that at least some of them will be hungry and have at least some snacks on hand, like a veggie tray with hummus or something or extra pizza. And we'd offer them cake, for sure.

I am NJ Italian, and would be horrified if I didn't have enough food. That said, it would never occur to me to have food for adults at a drop-off party.

[Anonymous]

I always made sure there is enough food for the adults when my kids were of drop-off age but the parents rarely ever ate. Maybe a slice of cake but rarely did they eat pizza, etc. So its possible this is not the first time they hosted a party and were left with a ton of leftovers because the parents didn't eat. Who knows.

Also, its possible that the venue will only allow pizza that they order/make and it's included in the package or per kid price. Did they order from outside of the venue or did the venue handle it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

This is the answer. OP, we are Jewish and we feed people just as Italians do. My Indian friends are also lovely when it comes to making sure guests are fed. I don’t necessarily think the hosts were being cheap. I think people have a different sense of what is appropriate, as evidenced on this thread. I think a non drop off party at dinner time absolutely should have had food for parents available. I also think there is a weird dynamic in this area where moms don’t eat the pizza or cake or pretend they don’t eat at all. When we went to kid bday parties in NYC, not only did the parents eat, but both parents came to all parties and hosts served good wine. This area is just not that way.

I mean, I'm mongrel American middle class, and my mom lives in horror of not having enough food. It's a weird DC area UMC thing. If the party wasn't drop off, or was in a location far enough away that parents are likely to stay because there's not time to go home or whatever and get back, I would assume that at least some of them will be hungry and have at least some snacks on hand, like a veggie tray with hummus or something or extra pizza. And we'd offer them cake, for sure.

I am, I guess, a WASP? I am white, and of anglo saxon and protestant background and grew up solidly middle class and I would be MORTIFIED to host a party and not have enough food for everyone that was there. I threw and went to my first childrens birthday parties this year and I made sure there was enough food for the parents when I was the host, and at the parties I went to food (and actual drinks at one!) was provided for the parents. Yes the party is for the children, but if the parents are expected to stay then in my mind that would make them guests as well. I am surprised by how many people think it's appropriate not to provide anything for the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

No, we just know the difference between kids who are guests of a party, and who should be well fed if the party is at meal time, and the parents who are dropping off and picking up.

You would be seeing different answers here if this were a toddler or preschool party.

This. Those advocating that the parents should have been fed are basically saying that if you throw a dinner party, you are obligated to feed your guests' Uber drivers. Absurd.

If the Uber driver was expected to accompany the guest into the room and stay with them the whole time then yes I would expect to feed them. This comparison makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It wasn’t a drop off party. That was made clear. Maybe I’m weird but we usually eat between 530 and 6 because we have kid activities most evenings. I’m also Italian and am always used to having way more food than necessary. I was quite hungry since I hadn’t eaten since lunch at 1130. I just know that any birthday party I’ve ever hosted has had more than enough food for all attendees, even parents who may be dropping off. I wasn’t trying to gorge on pizza, I was just surprised that there wasn’t so much as a veggie platter for adults.

Some venues don’t allow outside food like veggie platters.

I’m really surprised that for this age group, it was “made clear” that this wasn’t a drop off party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

No, we just know the difference between kids who are guests of a party, and who should be well fed if the party is at meal time, and the parents who are dropping off and picking up.

You would be seeing different answers here if this were a toddler or preschool party.

This. Those advocating that the parents should have been fed are basically saying that if you throw a dinner party, you are obligated to feed your guests' Uber drivers. Absurd.

If the Uber driver was expected to accompany the guest into the room and stay with them the whole time then yes I would expect to feed them. This comparison makes no sense.

Who expects a parent of a ten year old to stay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always made sure there is enough food for the adults when my kids were of drop-off age but the parents rarely ever ate. Maybe a slice of cake but rarely did they eat pizza, etc. So its possible this is not the first time they hosted a party and were left with a ton of leftovers because the parents didn't eat. Who knows.

Also, its possible that the venue will only allow pizza that they order/make and it's included in the package or per kid price. Did they order from outside of the venue or did the venue handle it?

Did you say meals were served to everyone? We always put on the invitation that parents were encouraged to stay, food for all. Everyone almost ate because they knew there would be food. I generally assume there isn't food for adults and minimal food for kids as that's often what happens. I do a huge spread of simple things - salad, pizza, subs or make your own sandwiches, veggies, fruit, chips, hummus, pasta salad and a few other things and most gets eaten. If you have a lot and make it clear food is available, people will eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had this debate before. It's a cultural thing. WASPy people think you should skimp on food out of some bizarre sense of moral superiority of austerity, people from non-WASP cultures are horrified at lettings guests (and yes parents are gueats) be hungry.

No, we just know the difference between kids who are guests of a party, and who should be well fed if the party is at meal time, and the parents who are dropping off and picking up.

You would be seeing different answers here if this were a toddler or preschool party.

This. Those advocating that the parents should have been fed are basically saying that if you throw a dinner party, you are obligated to feed your guests' Uber drivers. Absurd.

If the Uber driver was expected to accompany the guest into the room and stay with them the whole time then yes I would expect to feed them. This comparison makes no sense.

Who expects a parent of a ten year old to stay?

At our parties the older kids parents often stay as we make it a family party. I feed everyone including staff working at the venue.