We are always the ones who spend money traveling to see in laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I see for the DH pushing to visit is the hope for an inheritance. Otherwise it doesn’t make much sense. But I agree this sounds trolly.

No he definitely doesn’t want an inheritance. Not does he expect one. Age gap is so big he wants his stepmom to have anything which is fine. We are completely covered for retirement for ourselves. It’s more like in this moment I think it’s ridiculous we are spending anything at this point to visit them. I think we need to take a stand and not go and see if they visit us in the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.

DH has a different mom and grew up LMC. Siblings grew up entirely different situation. His dad never even divorced the mom until he remarried so he wouldn’t be on the line for child support. Siblings grew up UC in multi million dollar mansion and prep school. He grew up in dicey rentals in another state but got a full ride to college and took out a loan for incidentals. His dad is loving but he certainly got the short end of the stick.

So your post is about jealousy, not fairness. Got it.

No it’s not jealousy. We are still better off than the siblings receiving help anyways.
It’s more of priorities and I want to stop prioritizing them because they don’t prioritize us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.

DH has a different mom and grew up LMC. Siblings grew up entirely different situation. His dad never even divorced the mom until he remarried so he wouldn’t be on the line for child support. Siblings grew up UC in multi million dollar mansion and prep school. He grew up in dicey rentals in another state but got a full ride to college and took out a loan for incidentals. His dad is loving but he certainly got the short end of the stick.

You should have said this at the beginning. It’s clear why you’re getting different treatment. It won’t change. The question is whether your husband will.

So the dad married a woman with money and she doesn’t want to spend the money ?”(gifts, travel, college, etc) on your DH because he is a stepson?
If that’s the case, then that explains things. If your husband wants to maintain relationship with his dad maybe he can travel solo to them (at least sometimes) or his dad could come visit you all. But ultimately, it’s about your husband and what he wants and what agreement you can come to together. You can’t cut off visits without his consent- or at least, you cannot cut off his visits (or the kids, if he chooses to take them).

No FIL has always been wealthy. SMIL was a secretary when they met who had no money. That's not the case at all. He's always been wealthy and when he was married to MIL they were rich as well but when they divorced she was cut off.

Except you said that your husband grew up LMC and that dad didn't divorce mom until he got remarried so he didn't have to pay child support. So was your husband rich or not?

OP is a troll, guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I see for the DH pushing to visit is the hope for an inheritance. Otherwise it doesn’t make much sense. But I agree this sounds trolly.

No he definitely doesn’t want an inheritance. Not does he expect one. Age gap is so big he wants his stepmom to have anything which is fine. We are completely covered for retirement for ourselves. It’s more like in this moment I think it’s ridiculous we are spending anything at this point to visit them. I think we need to take a stand and not go and see if they visit us in the next year.

So stop whining and do it. We can’t do it for you. Report back in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If dad didn’t raise him, ditched his mother and didn’t pay childcare, it’s strange why your hubs feels this obligation to spend money and time on annual visits and make his wife resentful.

It's obvious from OP's post -- they want the $$$$$ when dad dies. Sorry OP, your husbands half-siblings are getting all the money, you're not getting anything.

We are millionaires ourselves and on track for a good retirement. But even on our current HHI with two small kids we have a budget, and we have to consider the future and college accounts and out retirement. I don’t want to spend the thousands we do to visit them period. I want to go on a family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this totally lopsided, DH never got a dime, woe is me story. Sorry. Another troll.

DH has a different mom and grew up LMC. Siblings grew up entirely different situation. His dad never even divorced the mom until he remarried so he wouldn’t be on the line for child support. Siblings grew up UC in multi million dollar mansion and prep school. He grew up in dicey rentals in another state but got a full ride to college and took out a loan for incidentals. His dad is loving but he certainly got the short end of the stick.

You should have said this at the beginning. It’s clear why you’re getting different treatment. It won’t change. The question is whether your husband will.

So the dad married a woman with money and she doesn’t want to spend the money ?”(gifts, travel, college, etc) on your DH because he is a stepson?
If that’s the case, then that explains things. If your husband wants to maintain relationship with his dad maybe he can travel solo to them (at least sometimes) or his dad could come visit you all. But ultimately, it’s about your husband and what he wants and what agreement you can come to together. You can’t cut off visits without his consent- or at least, you cannot cut off his visits (or the kids, if he chooses to take them).

No FIL has always been wealthy. SMIL was a secretary when they met who had no money. That's not the case at all. He's always been wealthy and when he was married to MIL they were rich as well but when they divorced she was cut off.

Except you said that your husband grew up LMC and that dad didn't divorce mom until he got remarried so he didn't have to pay child support. So was your husband rich or not?

OP is a troll, guys.

His parents separated when he was 5. He lived in an UMC until then. His dad moved out of state and didn’t remarry until he met his new wife but he didn’t provide for the family in the way you would if you were legally divorced. They grew up in seedy conditions (Dh and his single mom). His mom never received alimony or child support because they weren’t legally divorced although she should have. She made maybe the equivalence of $30-50 a year now

[Anonymous]

Start inviting them at least few times a year, every year. Eventually they may feel bad declining so frequently and visit you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you move away from your parents, it's your job to visit them and your obligation to pay. Whether it's your in laws or your own parents. That's the rule.

No. There is no “rule.”

[Anonymous]

So your DH didn’t grow up living with his dad after age 5 but you guys visit FIL every year? Is that right?

Your FIL married and had kids with new wife so those children are getting six figure gifts. It sounds like your Dh got the short end of the stick.

Dh’s parents are divorced and his dad also remarried. We see MIL and my parents a few times per year. My family is driving distance. We fly MIL to visit us because it is easier to fly her to us than for our family of 5 to visit her.

I hate visiting my in laws. I hate when MiL visits us. You suck it up.

[Anonymous]

There’s a reason why the song goes “over the river and through the hills to grandmothers house we go.” If you’ve moved away, they expect you to visit.

And it’s hard for old people to travel. Especially in a pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If dad didn’t raise him, ditched his mother and didn’t pay childcare, it’s strange why your hubs feels this obligation to spend money and time on annual visits and make his wife resentful.

It's obvious from OP's post -- they want the $$$$$ when dad dies. Sorry OP, your husbands half-siblings are getting all the money, you're not getting anything.

We are millionaires ourselves and on track for a good retirement. But even on our current HHI with two small kids we have a budget, and we have to consider the future and college accounts and out retirement. I don’t want to spend the thousands we do to visit them period. I want to go on a family vacation. [/quote

You get richer and more successful with every post. A real rags to riches story! I've heard this one before, it was called Cinderella.

[Anonymous]

What is it you want from this post, OP? Sympathy? Solidarity? The opportunity to flex how rich you are and how much you hate to part with a few bucks for plane tickets? What, exactly?

[Anonymous]

If you are millionaires and doing better than the siblings who received gifts, what exactly is your issue with spending money to visit the in-laws? Your poor husband; his father does not sound like a very good guy (the way he treated your husband when young and his mother) and you sound pretty awful also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are millionaires and doing better than the siblings who received gifts, what exactly is your issue with spending money to visit the in-laws? Your poor husband; his father does not sound like a very good guy (the way he treated your husband when young and his mother) and you sound pretty awful also.

Just not interested in wasting time with them. It seems like a dead end relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are millionaires and doing better than the siblings who received gifts, what exactly is your issue with spending money to visit the in-laws? Your poor husband; his father does not sound like a very good guy (the way he treated your husband when young and his mother) and you sound pretty awful also.

Just not interested in wasting time with them. It seems like a dead end relationship.

So get a divorce then you never have to see them again.