My neighbors are getting a rescue pit bull

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here... My neighbors have a large pitbull that is not particularly well supervised. They also have a son the same age as mine and the boys are friends. I have made it a rule that my son can't play in their yard because of this dog. The boys are free to play in my yard. ( Their son is sort of free range and just shows up at our house unannounced.) I can tell the parents are angry about this because they have made comments about our son not being allowed to come over. Do I explain that it's because of their dog or would that make the situation even worse? I see how sensitive people are over their "sweetie" dogs but I'm just trying to do the right thing for my child.

I would tell them that the dog makes you nervous. If you want to smooth it over, just say you are afraid of dogs and wouldn't be able to relax if your kid is around theirs. This, IMO, is better than wondering why your kid isn't allowed at my house.

Why do so many people, women in particular, feel compelled to tell these little white lies to save face or make people feel good?

No. Tell the truth and be direct. There is nothing wrong with that. "Oh, Sally, I wish it were different, but we are firm on feeling that pitbulls are an inherently aggressive breed, and we don't let our kids around them. I'm sure they'll be sweet with your family, but it's a hard line for us. Bobby and Larla are welcome at our place anytime, but little Susie can't be around your dog. We know that sucks, but it's where we are with this."

It's not about women, but sometimes it's ok not to rub your personal disdain for other people's choices in their face. They still have to be neighbors. Be smart and be diplomatic. Keep the kids away from the dog and retain some semblance of your relationship with your neighbors. That's all.

That's the thing though. Being direct isn't an insult. It's honest. Honesty doesn't need to ruin a healthy friendship. Being clear and direct and forthcoming about this is respectful to the neighbor, in my opinion. People can be friends without hiding how they feel, especially when it's about things like kid friendships that you don't want to make weird or ruin. I don't get this mindset at all, but to each their own. My mom told/tells these "white lies" all the time to avoid conflict, and it was and is super effed up and she will never see that.

Ok, well not everyone is in the same boat as you, and I am sure you have lost friends over your "directness" -- I believe that it's fine that everyone isn't direct all the time. These are their neighbors. They may not have a "healthy relationship" with the neighbors, but by sheer geography, they have to see these people frequently.

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive. There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie. The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it. That's true.

You're my mother, aren't you?

God I hope not. That would be disappointing.

OMG you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here... My neighbors have a large pitbull that is not particularly well supervised. They also have a son the same age as mine and the boys are friends. I have made it a rule that my son can't play in their yard because of this dog. The boys are free to play in my yard. ( Their son is sort of free range and just shows up at our house unannounced.) I can tell the parents are angry about this because they have made comments about our son not being allowed to come over. Do I explain that it's because of their dog or would that make the situation even worse? I see how sensitive people are over their "sweetie" dogs but I'm just trying to do the right thing for my child.

I would tell them that the dog makes you nervous. If you want to smooth it over, just say you are afraid of dogs and wouldn't be able to relax if your kid is around theirs. This, IMO, is better than wondering why your kid isn't allowed at my house.

Why do so many people, women in particular, feel compelled to tell these little white lies to save face or make people feel good?

No. Tell the truth and be direct. There is nothing wrong with that. "Oh, Sally, I wish it were different, but we are firm on feeling that pitbulls are an inherently aggressive breed, and we don't let our kids around them. I'm sure they'll be sweet with your family, but it's a hard line for us. Bobby and Larla are welcome at our place anytime, but little Susie can't be around your dog. We know that sucks, but it's where we are with this."

It's not about women, but sometimes it's ok not to rub your personal disdain for other people's choices in their face. They still have to be neighbors. Be smart and be diplomatic. Keep the kids away from the dog and retain some semblance of your relationship with your neighbors. That's all.

That's the thing though. Being direct isn't an insult. It's honest. Honesty doesn't need to ruin a healthy friendship. Being clear and direct and forthcoming about this is respectful to the neighbor, in my opinion. People can be friends without hiding how they feel, especially when it's about things like kid friendships that you don't want to make weird or ruin. I don't get this mindset at all, but to each their own. My mom told/tells these "white lies" all the time to avoid conflict, and it was and is super effed up and she will never see that.

Ok, well not everyone is in the same boat as you, and I am sure you have lost friends over your "directness" -- I believe that it's fine that everyone isn't direct all the time. These are their neighbors. They may not have a "healthy relationship" with the neighbors, but by sheer geography, they have to see these people frequently.

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive. There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie. The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it. That's true.

You're my mother, aren't you?

God I hope not. That would be disappointing.

OMG you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here... My neighbors have a large pitbull that is not particularly well supervised. They also have a son the same age as mine and the boys are friends. I have made it a rule that my son can't play in their yard because of this dog. The boys are free to play in my yard. ( Their son is sort of free range and just shows up at our house unannounced.) I can tell the parents are angry about this because they have made comments about our son not being allowed to come over. Do I explain that it's because of their dog or would that make the situation even worse? I see how sensitive people are over their "sweetie" dogs but I'm just trying to do the right thing for my child.

I would tell them that the dog makes you nervous. If you want to smooth it over, just say you are afraid of dogs and wouldn't be able to relax if your kid is around theirs. This, IMO, is better than wondering why your kid isn't allowed at my house.

Why do so many people, women in particular, feel compelled to tell these little white lies to save face or make people feel good?

No. Tell the truth and be direct. There is nothing wrong with that. "Oh, Sally, I wish it were different, but we are firm on feeling that pitbulls are an inherently aggressive breed, and we don't let our kids around them. I'm sure they'll be sweet with your family, but it's a hard line for us. Bobby and Larla are welcome at our place anytime, but little Susie can't be around your dog. We know that sucks, but it's where we are with this."

It's not about women, but sometimes it's ok not to rub your personal disdain for other people's choices in their face. They still have to be neighbors. Be smart and be diplomatic. Keep the kids away from the dog and retain some semblance of your relationship with your neighbors. That's all.

That's the thing though. Being direct isn't an insult. It's honest. Honesty doesn't need to ruin a healthy friendship. Being clear and direct and forthcoming about this is respectful to the neighbor, in my opinion. People can be friends without hiding how they feel, especially when it's about things like kid friendships that you don't want to make weird or ruin. I don't get this mindset at all, but to each their own. My mom told/tells these "white lies" all the time to avoid conflict, and it was and is super effed up and she will never see that.

Ok, well not everyone is in the same boat as you, and I am sure you have lost friends over your "directness" -- I believe that it's fine that everyone isn't direct all the time. These are their neighbors. They may not have a "healthy relationship" with the neighbors, but by sheer geography, they have to see these people frequently.

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive. There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie. The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it. That's true.

You're my mother, aren't you?

God I hope not. That would be disappointing.

OMG you are.

I'm guessing I'm younger than you. LOL. See - insulting AND honest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here... My neighbors have a large pitbull that is not particularly well supervised. They also have a son the same age as mine and the boys are friends. I have made it a rule that my son can't play in their yard because of this dog. The boys are free to play in my yard. ( Their son is sort of free range and just shows up at our house unannounced.) I can tell the parents are angry about this because they have made comments about our son not being allowed to come over. Do I explain that it's because of their dog or would that make the situation even worse? I see how sensitive people are over their "sweetie" dogs but I'm just trying to do the right thing for my child.

I would tell them that the dog makes you nervous. If you want to smooth it over, just say you are afraid of dogs and wouldn't be able to relax if your kid is around theirs. This, IMO, is better than wondering why your kid isn't allowed at my house.

Why do so many people, women in particular, feel compelled to tell these little white lies to save face or make people feel good?

No. Tell the truth and be direct. There is nothing wrong with that. "Oh, Sally, I wish it were different, but we are firm on feeling that pitbulls are an inherently aggressive breed, and we don't let our kids around them. I'm sure they'll be sweet with your family, but it's a hard line for us. Bobby and Larla are welcome at our place anytime, but little Susie can't be around your dog. We know that sucks, but it's where we are with this."

It's not about women, but sometimes it's ok not to rub your personal disdain for other people's choices in their face. They still have to be neighbors. Be smart and be diplomatic. Keep the kids away from the dog and retain some semblance of your relationship with your neighbors. That's all.

That's the thing though. Being direct isn't an insult. It's honest. Honesty doesn't need to ruin a healthy friendship. Being clear and direct and forthcoming about this is respectful to the neighbor, in my opinion. People can be friends without hiding how they feel, especially when it's about things like kid friendships that you don't want to make weird or ruin. I don't get this mindset at all, but to each their own. My mom told/tells these "white lies" all the time to avoid conflict, and it was and is super effed up and she will never see that.

Ok, well not everyone is in the same boat as you, and I am sure you have lost friends over your "directness" -- I believe that it's fine that everyone isn't direct all the time. These are their neighbors. They may not have a "healthy relationship" with the neighbors, but by sheer geography, they have to see these people frequently.

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive. There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie. The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it. That's true.

You're my mother, aren't you?

God I hope not. That would be disappointing.

OMG you are.

I'm guessing I'm younger than you. LOL. See - insulting AND honest!

Maybe. I’m 38.

[Anonymous]

OP I understand. My neighbor rescues German Shepards. They are all vicious dogs. They will attack you in a minute. It was a particular real PITA when my kids were small and we couldn’t use the yard because the dogs got out snd attacked people pretty regularly. As for sending my kids over there. No way.

[Anonymous]

^^ not ALL German Shepard’s are vicious — just the ones she rescued.

[Anonymous]

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive. There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie. The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it. That's true.

You're my mother, aren't you?

God I hope not. That would be disappointing.

OMG you are.

I'm guessing I'm younger than you. LOL. See - insulting AND honest!

Maybe. I’m 38.


Yeah, we are the same age. Sorry you thought you were slaying a boomer who needed to be put in her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m with you OP. These dogs do not belong in residential areas near small children and I would seriously question the judgment of any family of young kids that would adopt one. I wouldn’t allow play dates over there and would get the fence mended myself. Earlier this year 2 pit bulls dug under a fence and mauled a 3 year old boy to death in front of his mother. Chances are small this pit bull will maul a child, but the outcome is disastrous enough that it’s not worth it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/959826.page

And they are all so proud of themselves when you see them. See!!! I rescued a pit bull because that’s just how cool I am !!!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. I'd be so disappointed and frustrated.

[Anonymous]

What percent pit mix is too much? Half pit? 25%?

[Anonymous]

We live in an apartment with our pit bull…friendliest dog you’ll meet. Let’s everyone pet him in the elevator, kids and adults. When other dogs go crazy and yap, he just sits there and ignores them. Why? Because he’s trained. He’s a rescue and trained.

It’s not about the breed, it’s the training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I understand. My neighbor rescues German Shepards. They are all vicious dogs. They will attack you in a minute. It was a particular real PITA when my kids were small and we couldn’t use the yard because the dogs got out snd attacked people pretty regularly. As for sending my kids over there. No way.

I’m the PP who breeds and trains GSDs. Your point is actually dead on. You knew these rescue dogs were dangerous. GSDs without early training and socialization often are, sadly. They show you that right away. You don’t hear “he was the sweetest dog ever and then suddenly attacked….”. That’s the problem with Pit Bull type breeds. They are unpredictable because they aren’t bred for balance or temperament. Most dogs raised in a home with love, boundaries, and socialization remain balanced and predictable. No surprises. A pit pull type puppy can be given the perfect start in life and still attack. It’s literally what they are bred for.

I love GSDs but wouldn’t adopt a rescue if I had or lived near young children. Your concern was totally valid. They are large dogs that can do a lot of damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I understand. My neighbor rescues German Shepards. They are all vicious dogs. They will attack you in a minute. It was a particular real PITA when my kids were small and we couldn’t use the yard because the dogs got out snd attacked people pretty regularly. As for sending my kids over there. No way.

I’m the PP who breeds and trains GSDs. Your point is actually dead on. You knew these rescue dogs were dangerous. GSDs without early training and socialization often are, sadly. They show you that right away. You don’t hear “he was the sweetest dog ever and then suddenly attacked….”. That’s the problem with Pit Bull type breeds. They are unpredictable because they aren’t bred for balance or temperament. Most dogs raised in a home with love, boundaries, and socialization remain balanced and predictable. No surprises. A pit pull type puppy can be given the perfect start in life and still attack. It’s literally what they are bred for.

I love GSDs but wouldn’t adopt a rescue if I had or lived near young children. Your concern was totally valid. They are large dogs that can do a lot of damage.

This poster is dead on. Most dogs are fairly predictable once you know dogs. Pitts have something askew in their programming and sometimes they just go haywire. The person comparing them to kids is so off. Dogs were specifically created by humans to serve certain needs—there is no natural evolution—it is all eugenics with dogs. We have created animals with particular desired characteristics and it’s really silly to then pretend that those characteristics can be erased just by environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the tragic stories in the news about pit bulls are about dogs who were "total sweeties" until the moment they weren't.

Sorry, OP. I would be really upset as well. The broken fence doesn't exactly scream Responsible Dog Owner, either.

I actually witnessed a "harmless" pitbull attack another neighbor, completely unprovoked. Both the owner and the victim were large men, and it took several minutes for the owner to get the dog off the victim.

I witnessed a friend being attacked by a Rottweiler as a kid. Doesn’t mean Rottweilers are bad, evil devil dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it hurt from clutching your pearls so hard? Dogs are only as bad as their owners…as are children. I don’t think the neighbors will be losing much by losing you as “friends”.

This is also wrong.

Nope, it’s not.