Is my friend obnoxious or am I oversensive?

[Anonymous]

Background: DH and I bought a reasonably priced, habitable fixer upper few years ago. At the time we bought, we didn’t have extra funds to pay contractors to do everything, so we DIY’d what we could ans paid contractors for the bigger things. One thing we did was paint throughout.

We hosted some people in our home this weekend that all know each other, plus our neighbors who we don’t know very well. In front of our neighbors, friend A starts pointing out blemishes in our painting. I tried to brush it off and just say, yeah, I did a poor job, but friend A would not let it go and kept talking about it.

Is friend A rude and obnoxious? She’s said other things to me in front of other friends such as how my government job is a dead end job. I usually just try to brush it off, but I really want to say something to her to get her to knock it off and not talk to me like that. Any suggestions? Or am I just being overly sensitive?

I can’t just not see her. DH is close friends with her husband. DH doesn’t have much family, so he considers his friend family in a way.

[Anonymous]

"Yeah, you mentioned that, Sally. It's pretty rude to point out flaws in someone's home, just so you know."

"What's that, Sally? I have a 'dead-end job'? On what planet is that something you say to a friend?"

I don't tolerate rude or passive-aggressive behavior from anyone. If you are going to be rude to me, you're going to be called out.

[Anonymous]

You're not being overly sensitive. That "friend" is beyond obnoxious and rather mean. Even perhaps jealous?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Yeah, you mentioned that, Sally. It's pretty rude to point out flaws in someone's home, just so you know."

"What's that, Sally? I have a 'dead-end job'? On what planet is that something you say to a friend?"

I don't tolerate rude or passive-aggressive behavior from anyone. If you are going to be rude to me, you're going to be called out.

This. Call her out on it.
“That’s hurtful and rude. Why would say something like that?”

[Anonymous]

“Why would you say that?” really is often the best response. Don’t think for a minute that your new neighbors didn’t think she was rude. Does her husband act embarrassed or try to change the subject when she does this? She sounds insecure and like she feels inferior to you and has no idea how to handle those feelings.

[Anonymous]

Definitely jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being overly sensitive. That "friend" is beyond obnoxious and rather mean. Even perhaps jealous?

I don’t think so. She was very successful in her career, is generally the “fun” one in a large group, has a huge beautiful house, two kids, DH with great job. We are DINKS, smallish house, DIY things, etc. I’m quiet and I normally observe in large groups. Who knows, maybe she’s like the OP of the other thread complaining about quiet people that go out to dinner. But I’m this case, we invited them and were hosting, so I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I just want her to knock it off.

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty sure her husband has a high opinion about you and your husband and for some reason this makes her feels insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Why would you say that?” really is often the best response. Don’t think for a minute that your new neighbors didn’t think she was rude. Does her husband act embarrassed or try to change the subject when she does this? She sounds insecure and like she feels inferior to you and has no idea how to handle those feelings.

Yes, her DH definitely calls her out when she says things within his earshot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure her husband has a high opinion about you and your husband and for some reason this makes her feels insecure.

Oh okay. This could be it. Thanks, this is all very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Very rude of her!

[Anonymous]

Does she have any redeeming qualities? If not I'd move her to the acquaintance column.

[Anonymous]

She is jealous of you and probably has relationship insecurities .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have any redeeming qualities? If not I'd move her to the acquaintance column.

Did you read the post? It’s not about whether she’s a friend or acquaintance. Her husband is best friends with rude lady’s husband. They will be spending time together. OP needs a way to address this head on.

[Anonymous]

You mentioned you are introverted— as a fellow introvert, if a “friend” made these comments to me, I would meet her with total silence. Literally I would look at her and say nothing. Most people would get the hint.