Open relationship

[Anonymous]

DW and I have been playing with couples and singles together for a while. Recently we talked about opening up where we play separately which is exciting to both of us. We've set our rules and boundaries of what is acceptable and not. DW has had not trouble lining up dates with single guys and has gone on a few happy hours after work with these new gents. However, for me, it's been extremely hard to attract a woman who would be open to chatting (forget meeting) with a married man. We both have tinder profiles and figured that's how we might meet people. Her inbox is packed with messages. There's nothing in mine. I won't stop her from having fun but am feeling left out. It was easy to attract other people when we went out together with the intention on meeting a male/female and chatting them up.

Question for those DH's who've been in my shoes before - how do you find someone else to date and/or hang out with when married and being ethical about it. I'm not going to lie to women and play with anyone's emotions. But damn, this is a lot harder than I expected.

[Anonymous]

LOL sucker you are learning the hard way that an "open relationship" means she can easily bang whoever she wants while you get nothing.

Welcome to Cucksville: Population, YOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL sucker you are learning the hard way that an "open relationship" means she can easily bang whoever she wants while you get nothing.

Welcome to Cucksville: Population, YOU

While I would not choose PP's tone or language, he hit the nail on the head. All a woman who is not-ugly has to do to get laid is say the word. Being married is a plus because it means she's in it just for (or mostly for) the sex. For a married guy, it's a lot harder to do. It's actually easier for a married guy to find a woman to cheat with.

[Anonymous]

Use Seeking Arrangement (sugardaddy site). Many more women than men on there, and they are open to discretion.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think being in your situation is challenging. Most single women are not looking for a married man. The only small advice I can give is to ditch your wedding ring when not out with your wife. I'm not sure where one can go to find other married people in open marriages. I feel like open married woman should be your target.

I'm an open married woman. I'd be happy to chat, if you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Use Seeking Arrangement (sugardaddy site). Many more women than men on there, and they are open to discretion.

[Anonymous]

There is sooo much research on this, though you ignore it, then find out on your own and then want a magic solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think being in your situation is challenging. Most single women are not looking for a married man. The only small advice I can give is to ditch your wedding ring when not out with your wife. I'm not sure where one can go to find other married people in open marriages. I feel like open married woman should be your target.

I'm an open married woman. I'd be happy to chat, if you'd like.

don't do this, okay? No judgment, but don't be a jerk. Thanks. -single woman.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, married man who was in your shoes. Wife had a lot of dates, I didn't have so many, which wasn't a big surprise although if we were both single I would have zero trouble attracting high quality women.

The problem is obvious: in general, women don't want "just sex" which is what you are basically advertising. In general, men love "just sex" which is what your wife is advertising.

Now, the way I got more interest was to advertise for more of a relationship. Meaning, to level the playing field, I had to be allowed to open up the relationship to allow me to take other women on awesome dates, overnights in fancy hotels, even a weekend away. I had many more women interested in this. The problem was, my wife was jealous of the fact I was planning a NYC weekend with one very attractive woman I met. It wasn't just the emotional intimacy, but the money we were going to spend.

Point being, just "opening" the marriage for sex isn't really a fair trade for men (unless you get off on your wife getting off with others). To be fair for both, your wife needs to let you bond emotionally and financially with other women, and the hot sex will follow. Will she?

[Anonymous]

You’ll have fewer options. You have to create profiles in apps for open people and swingers. OkCupid has some ethically open people, too. Chances are you will have to limit yourself to women in open relationships. Very few single women will be interested in you. It’s not impossible. I have been the woman in an open relationship with a man who dated other women and been the single woman who dated a man in an open primary relatinship with someone else. The latter situation is very rare. The women my former boyfriend dated while we were together were almost exclusively open married women. Most we met together, as couples, then once a relationship was a established she and my boyfriend would also see each other separately. The ex was not the most ethical about open dating, which was an issue that contributed to the demise of our relationship. He wouldn’t put in his profile that he was in an open relationship. He could get lots of first or second dates. Then when he eventually fessed up on the second or third date, almost all women said “no thanks”. It works better if you put yourself out there in the open community, even if it limits your options.

[Anonymous]

Any reason not to go with full swap as opposed to plain open? We've found that is much easier and doesn't involve either of us going onto tinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any reason not to go with full swap as opposed to plain open? We've found that is much easier and doesn't involve either of us going onto tinder.

This; finding a couple (or 4) that you can swap with makes it logistically easier for all involved. I don’t know if you have children but coordinating sitters can be tricky but if you have another couple that you can work with you can make plans well in advance; but then again when we were doing it we had rules that we moved on after four or fewer sessions to prevent the familiarity and occasional feelings that can develop. We did the dating thing a few times but we found each other becoming jealous when it was sex and dinner with someone else much more so than it was us having sex with others then going out to dinner together.

[Anonymous]

We've stayed with couples, together and separately, for the same reason. It was much easier for me to pair up than my DH and that quickly became a problem so we stopped. We have three couples we get together with (not at the same time!) and we meet together or separately and it works very well. We are empty nesters which gives us a lot of flexibility and we limit our hook ups to once and no more than twice a week. I actually like when we are together with another couple as I have somewhat of a bi-side though my DH doesn't. I know our lifestyle isn't for everyone but it's been very nice the past few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, married man who was in your shoes. Wife had a lot of dates, I didn't have so many, which wasn't a big surprise although if we were both single I would have zero trouble attracting high quality women.

The problem is obvious: in general, women don't want "just sex" which is what you are basically advertising. In general, men love "just sex" which is what your wife is advertising.

Now, the way I got more interest was to advertise for more of a relationship. Meaning, to level the playing field, I had to be allowed to open up the relationship to allow me to take other women on awesome dates, overnights in fancy hotels, even a weekend away. I had many more women interested in this. The problem was, my wife was jealous of the fact I was planning a NYC weekend with one very attractive woman I met. It wasn't just the emotional intimacy, but the money we were going to spend.

Point being, just "opening" the marriage for sex isn't really a fair trade for men (unless you get off on your wife getting off with others). To be fair for both, your wife needs to let you bond emotionally and financially with other women, and the hot sex will follow. Will she?

This is spot on 100% the truth. Women agree to sex in order to have a relationship. Men agree to a relationship in order to have sex. See the problem there? Revise the terms so you can offer some semblance of a relationship, this is the key to attracting women for sex.

[Anonymous]

Let your wife be your wing-woman so to speak.