My dad has a crush on a woman...how to navigate?

[Anonymous]

He is divorced and in his 60s. I like her.

her husband died earlier this year. He has known her since they were in second grade together. I have been supportive and nice when he talks about her. I met her. Recently and was friendly and kind.

My mom will lose her shit over this and be upset if I am friendly with a new interest. Neither has had one since their divorce. I just want him to be happy. I want her to be happy too but not at his cost.

How do I work through this? I feel like a shitstorm is about to descend but I also want to support a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Well then, your mother should have tried harder to make the marriage work, or tried harder to be a better wife. I’m assuming since you have a good relationship with your dad, their divorce wasn’t the result of something nefarious. I hate these insecure women/men who divorce a man/woman, fully knowing the implications, and then becomes all territorial over them when a new love interest comes along. Even worse is when they make their children pledge allegiance to them as the only acceptable maternal/paternal figure in their life.

Too F’ing bad. Your mom is being a controlling jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well then, your mother should have tried harder to make the marriage work, or tried harder to be a better wife. I’m assuming since you have a good relationship with your dad, their divorce wasn’t the result of something nefarious. I hate these insecure women/men who divorce a man/woman, fully knowing the implications, and then becomes all territorial over them when a new love interest comes along. Even worse is when they make their children pledge allegiance to them as the only acceptable maternal/paternal figure in their life.

Too F’ing bad. Your mom is being a controlling jerk.

+1

And this isn’t a second wife talking. My husband and I have only been married too each other.

[Anonymous]

How long have they been divorced? How would she find out?

[Anonymous]

How is she going to find out? Why would you discuss your father's relationships with her? If she's upset about your father's behavior - whatever it is - it isn't appropriate for her to take it up with you. Boundaries are your friend.

[Anonymous]

I don't support divorce of any kind. I would never support a new relationship. I would become that woman's worst nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Don’t talk to your mom about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't support divorce of any kind. I would never support a new relationship. I would become that woman's worst nightmare.

Well, I guess you are the perfect person to advise OP.

OP- I wouldn’t tell your mother anything. If she asks, be factual and limited in what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't support divorce of any kind. I would never support a new relationship. I would become that woman's worst nightmare.

You sound unstable. As if OP had any control over her parents divorce. Get a grip, Devil Woman. Doesn’t it take a lot more energy to be psycho than to just be nice?

[Anonymous]

How long have your parents been divorced? If it's more than a year he has every right to move on. If you like the woman support your father. If your mother goes crazy that's her problem and not yours. Yes, she will try to take it out on you but you need to see who is right and who is wrong. Her potential shit storm attitude may be why your father divorced her.

[Anonymous]

Boundaries. If/when your mother finds out, do not listen to your mother's tirade. Remind her that this is YOUR father and she picked him. Tell her to find a friend/therapist to discuss her issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well then, your mother should have tried harder to make the marriage work, or tried harder to be a better wife. I’m assuming since you have a good relationship with your dad, their divorce wasn’t the result of something nefarious. I hate these insecure women/men who divorce a man/woman, fully knowing the implications, and then becomes all territorial over them when a new love interest comes along. Even worse is when they make their children pledge allegiance to them as the only acceptable maternal/paternal figure in their life.

Too F’ing bad. Your mom is being a controlling jerk.

Completely agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Why is it a big deal? Better than him having a crush on a man.

[Anonymous]

Don't talk about this to your mom. If she brings it up, just say, "Mom, I really don't feel comfortable talking about Dad's dating life with you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boundaries. If/when your mother finds out, do not listen to your mother's tirade. Remind her that this is YOUR father and she picked him. Tell her to find a friend/therapist to discuss her issues.

This. Being sad or jealous that he’s found someone else is normal, but a “shitstorm” is not appropriate. In addition to PP’s advice, tell her to grow up and go find someone new for herself.