Scared to tell my mom I’m getting back with my boyfriend

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago. I was living with him in his parents guest home and I moved back in with my parents after the break up. We have been talking and want to get back together and move into an apartment. I’m really scared to tell my mom because when I moved out last year she was very upset. When we broke up my mom was under the impression that we were done for good. However, him and I want to give each other another chance and have a more serious commitment hence the apartment and not living with his parents. How can I bring this up? My mom thinks I’ve been trying to move on but we’ve actually been reconciling. Any thoughts or anyone been through similar experiences?
P.s. my mom is very religious and conservative and does no believe in premarital sex or cohabiting before marriage (even though she did both with my dad).

[Anonymous]

Be upfront and honest. As long as she is calm and respectful, understand she is trying to guide and protect. If she crossing the line remind her of Matthew 7: 1-5.

[Anonymous]

You tell her baldly, stay calm and do not explain too much or get defensive.

My mother wants all the attention on her all the time, and disapproved of all my relationships, friend, boyfriend, husband, etc, and was unhappy about my pregnancies into the bargain. Some people you will never be able to please and it’s difficult when they are your closest relatives.

Here’s an important piece of advice: move far away. That way you won’t need to tell her everything! My mother still doesn’t know we have a dog - she would find a way of being upset about that too.

[Anonymous]

I know she is trying to guide and protect. But, I am still going to do what I think is best for my life. Unfortunately I cannot move far away. My job and my boyfriends job keeps us in the same area.

[Anonymous]

You sound very young. Your first mistake was moving to your parent's house after breaking up. You NEED to live alone (or with a roommate) and date your old boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound very young. Your first mistake was moving to your parent's house after breaking up. You NEED to live alone (or with a roommate) and date your old boyfriend.

Yes! This is great advice, OP. You should date your boyfriend and not live with him. Give yourself some time dating and living separately before you decide to move in together again. And you should try to get out of your parents' home. You'll be best off if you learn that you can live by yourself (or with a roommate) and not have to rely on your boyfriend or your parents. But it sounds like you want to go from zero to 60 here. You can date each other and try things out without living together.

[Anonymous]

What is the main reason she might be upset? Was he nice to you? A hardworking kind person in general? What caused the breakup? Do your friends like him? Think carefully. I got back toget her with several guys along the way and it was always a mistake. My family and friends knew this, but I didn't at the time. Be honest with yourself, if there's any good reason for her to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Neither of you are ready. You didn’t provide a home for yourselves as a couple. You moved into his parents’. Focus on getting on your feet. Then you won’t be so afraid of your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neither of you are ready. You didn’t provide a home for yourselves as a couple. You moved into his parents’. Focus on getting on your feet. Then you won’t be so afraid of your mom.

Yes, you need to build a life for yourself that is clearly separate from your mom and your boyfriend. You can have relationships with both but you can't do it from a strong position if you don't have a relationship with yourself first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither of you are ready. You didn’t provide a home for yourselves as a couple. You moved into his parents’. Focus on getting on your feet. Then you won’t be so afraid of your mom.

Yes, you need to build a life for yourself that is clearly separate from your mom and your boyfriend. You can have relationships with both but you can't do it from a strong position if you don't have a relationship with yourself first.

This. And don't say you can't afford it. Your long-term mental health and independence depends on it. Much better to share an apartment with a roommate.

[Anonymous]

How old are you, op?

[Anonymous]

Why would she be upset? How was the relationship with your boyfriend before? What did your friends think about this guy? What aren’t you telling us?

[Anonymous]

Op here. We broke up simply because we were just living our lives and co existing. I would go to work come home eat watch tv sleep and he would do the same and wouldn’t really spend time together. I guess you can say we forgot to value each other in a way. My mom just thinks it’s a sin to live together before marriage and she’s upset I’m not a virgin basically. Even if we weren’t getting back together I wouldn’t want to live with my parents. My mom annoys me and it’s always her way or the high way. She’s upset because she doesn’t think he’s the right man for me.

[Anonymous]

My friends do like him. My closest aunt also likes him.

[Anonymous]

You do realize that most of life is just “coexisting”, right? Real life is routine and work, not dating and fun stuff. It sounds like you two need to get to know each other more and see if your life plans are compatible.