Settling for Mr. OK but still wanting to have an intimate relationships

[Anonymous]

Single, older, fit, attractive woman with a high libido. I am currently partnered. Sex is important to me and I prioritize a good intimate relationship. I am an everyday kinda woman.


For those women who have married men that are great partners, but not great lovers, how have you resolved your sexual incompatibility? Did you open the marriage? Did you discuss this prior to marriage?

It has proven to be very difficult to find an older man with a comparable drive that wants to be partnered.

[Anonymous]

OP here, sorry for the long title.

[Anonymous]

Do not marry somebody like that.

[Anonymous]

Go younger. There's a younger guy out there for you.

Perhaps one that is divorced and already has a child, so there's none of that pressure to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go younger. There's a younger guy out there for you.

Perhaps one that is divorced and already has a child, so there's none of that pressure to have kids.

younger, might mean they like to do it more often, but not new better lover. Usually older guys are better. Foreplay doesn’t include the drive over

[Anonymous]

Plenty of the guys I've met in their 40's-50's are great in bed but lousy partners which may be why they are divorced. I'd be happy with an OK lover but a great partner because I can help train a lover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of the guys I've met in their 40's-50's are great in bed but lousy partners which may be why they are divorced. I'd be happy with an OK lover but a great partner because I can help train a lover.

I'm divorced even though my DH was a great partner, because he was a lousy lover. He couldn't be trained. I suspect by the time a man is 40 or 50, there's no changing him. Eventually I was so bored and checked out that I just couldn't imagine having sex with him again no matter how much "training" he had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of the guys I've met in their 40's-50's are great in bed but lousy partners which may be why they are divorced. I'd be happy with an OK lover but a great partner because I can help train a lover.

I'm divorced even though my DH was a great partner, because he was a lousy lover. He couldn't be trained. I suspect by the time a man is 40 or 50, there's no changing him. Eventually I was so bored and checked out that I just couldn't imagine having sex with him again no matter how much "training" he had.

I am seeing a man in his 50s who had been quite unskilled, orally. He has come a LONG way. Some men are definitely willing to learn and put in the effort if you take the time to help them out and are sensitive about it.

[Anonymous]

Men don't have to be trained. They aren't dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men don't have to be trained. They aren't dogs.

If a guy came on here talking about “training” a woman to perform sexually he’d be run out of here.

Sexism, racism, ageism, body shaming - it’s all only ok when it’s aimed at white guys.

[Anonymous]

Becasue ultimately I just want a really decent husband and would trade sexual fireworks for loyalty, humor, reliably, drama free. I can’t believe some of the narcissist hutjobs women marry, maybe they are blinded by the sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don't have to be trained. They aren't dogs.

If a guy came on here talking about “training” a woman to perform sexually he’d be run out of here.

Sexism, racism, ageism, body shaming - it’s all only ok when it’s aimed at white guys.

OP here. Hmm, the thought of "training" white guys sounds a little intriguing and fun . I get what you are saying though. Personally, I think a person's skills can be enhanced but not radically changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go younger. There's a younger guy out there for you.

Perhaps one that is divorced and already has a child, so there's none of that pressure to have kids.

+1. Younger is just as good for women as it is for men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Becasue ultimately I just want a really decent husband and would trade sexual fireworks for loyalty, humor, reliably, drama free. I can’t believe some of the narcissist hutjobs women marry, maybe they are blinded by the sex?

Yes, agree. Ultimately an awesome partner who is a meh to average lover outweighs a narcissistic manchild who isn't a true partner and is incapable of admitting he's wrong, but can bring it in bed. After a few years of resentment no one wants to sleep with an a$$hole anyways. Of course, these are the extremes and if you're lucky out can find a balance. But yes, I would never advise valuing sex over comparability and general decency. Horrible call.

And to (attempt to) answer OP's question: my husband is not the best sex of my life - that applies to an ex who I had insane sexual chemistry with. But I ultimately broke up with him, and it's because he was one of the most stubborn and vindictive people I've ever met at heart - I know if I'd ended up with him every single step of life would have been a battle of wills. My husband and I had a decently hot sex life early on, and now I would describe it as...fine. I wish he was interested in exploring and switching it up more, and I wish he was more vocal and expressive in bed. I wish he prioritized staying in shape, and I wish he initiated or made me feel wanted more. I've told him these things, nothing's really changed, and oh well. Sometimes I feel a little resentful, BUT he is such an amazing partner and coparent and he truly shows me he cares and puts in the effort and works hard in SO many other aspects of our life that at the end of the day what I really find myself feeling is appreciation and affection for him; not resentment that he's not a hot sex pistol. To be clear I don't feel like I was compromising when I got married, and our sex life is decent and we are generally sexually compatible. But yeah, I know what you're saying. I also think that pretty much any monogamous long term marriage is going to result in a cooling of the initial excitement, it sort of comes with the territory.

I'm at peace with it. Sometimes it bothers me more than others but overall I do not regret my marriage choice. An older married friend (who married someone with whom her sex life was a HOT and HEAVY whirlwind early on) once confided that after 12 years and 2 kids she sometimes missed the excitement, and her 'secret' is romance novels. I've come to the realization that the best / most amazing sex life I have is going to be with myself - some of you may think that sounds sad but honestly it feels empowering/liberating to me

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?