How to help teen daughter with hurt feelings and crush

[Anonymous]

This is new territory for me. She’s 16 very shy and a late bloomer. She had / has a crush on a boy she is working with. Turns out he likes someone else. Who just happens to be her more outgoing friend and was flirting with her. Friend flirted back according to my daughter she is aware of the crush. Typical teen drama I know it just sucks to see your kid crushed and want to cheer her up

[Anonymous]

You tell her that her worth is not wrapped up in this boy's attention and that if she doesn't have his attention, 100% of it, then he is not worth her time - in terms of dwelling and feelings. She needs to move on immediately, not in terms of crushing on someone new but doing something productive.

[Anonymous]

I would acknowledge and validate her feelings. It does suck and it is hard and just let her be sad about it. Do the things you would do with a friend who was dealing with some sucky part of life - ice cream, Netflix, shopping. It won't take away the pain, but help her through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would acknowledge and validate her feelings. It does suck and it is hard and just let her be sad about it. Do the things you would do with a friend who was dealing with some sucky part of life - ice cream, Netflix, shopping. It won't take away the pain, but help her through it.

+1 It's okay to wallow a little bit.

[Anonymous]

Aww, just have empathy. Let her talk about it. Maybe share a similar experience of your own (not to say it will be all right, but just to say you get it). Have a girls night out.

[Anonymous]

Hmm we were planning to see Mamma Mia this weekend maybe we can go tonight instead and get ice cream too.

[Anonymous]

It might also help to acknowledge that teen boys also struggle with unrequited crushes and nebulous situations. Neither gender holds all the power. Neither gender has it all worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might also help to acknowledge that teen boys also struggle with unrequited crushes and nebulous situations. Neither gender holds all the power. Neither gender has it all worked out.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Tell her she's not alone; virtually every woman I know has had some variation of this happen in her life. She will move on and there will be other frogs in her life, but eventually she'll find her prince. Let her wallow. It's normal. But also go out for ice cream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she's not alone; virtually every woman I know has had some variation of this happen in her life. She will move on and there will be other frogs in her life, but eventually she'll find her prince. Let her wallow. It's normal. But also go out for ice cream.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

I remember one day like that as a teen. The boy I was crushing on (I was convinced it was true love) asked one of my friends to homecoming, and she said yes. When I got home I threw myself into my room and wouldn’t come out. My mom waited an hour or two, then knocked on my door. At my tearful “come in” she popped in with two big bowls of ice cream - my favorite kind, which I knew we’d been out of that morning. She said something like “I can tell you had a sucky day, and I’m so sorry to see you sad. I don’t need the details unless you want to share them. But know that, whatever it is, there are people here who love you and will be with you long after this passes.” Then she sat down with the ice cream and just chatted. I was still sad, but the hopeless feeling passed almost immediately. My kids are younger, but I’ve always kept that script in mind for their teen years.

[Anonymous]

My mom screwed up every moment like this by downplaying my feelings. That was my guide for what not to do. I always recalled how big such slights felt to me at 14 and trusted that my girls knew what they were feeling. I validated them and that’s the best help you can give sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember one day like that as a teen. The boy I was crushing on (I was convinced it was true love) asked one of my friends to homecoming, and she said yes. When I got home I threw myself into my room and wouldn’t come out. My mom waited an hour or two, then knocked on my door. At my tearful “come in” she popped in with two big bowls of ice cream - my favorite kind, which I knew we’d been out of that morning. She said something like “I can tell you had a sucky day, and I’m so sorry to see you sad. I don’t need the details unless you want to share them. But know that, whatever it is, there are people here who love you and will be with you long after this passes.” Then she sat down with the ice cream and just chatted. I was still sad, but the hopeless feeling passed almost immediately. My kids are younger, but I’ve always kept that script in mind for their teen years.

What a good mom! Thank you for sharing - my mom never set an example like that.

[Anonymous]

Take an exciting vacation/trip!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember one day like that as a teen. The boy I was crushing on (I was convinced it was true love) asked one of my friends to homecoming, and she said yes. When I got home I threw myself into my room and wouldn’t come out. My mom waited an hour or two, then knocked on my door. At my tearful “come in” she popped in with two big bowls of ice cream - my favorite kind, which I knew we’d been out of that morning. She said something like “I can tell you had a sucky day, and I’m so sorry to see you sad. I don’t need the details unless you want to share them. But know that, whatever it is, there are people here who love you and will be with you long after this passes.” Then she sat down with the ice cream and just chatted. I was still sad, but the hopeless feeling passed almost immediately. My kids are younger, but I’ve always kept that script in mind for their teen years.

Pp your Mom sounds wonderful!