How to help teen daughter with hurt feelings and crush

[Anonymous]

Op, this is not entirely a bad thing. When tween/teen girls get hurt, they toughen-up, they aren't so naive going forward with their relationships with guys. Better to have this type of disappointment, very mild, rather than be very naive and be hurt in a much grander way when they are older. They will make better choices. Eyes open. And they are learning about the personality of a partner. It's difficult to watch, but it's part of the learning process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom screwed up every moment like this by downplaying my feelings. That was my guide for what not to do. I always recalled how big such slights felt to me at 14 and trusted that my girls knew what they were feeling. I validated them and that’s the best help you can give sometimes.

Unfortunately, this was my mom too.

[Anonymous]

Op here thanks for the kind words and tips everyone. She’s doing better today. She’s a pretty resilient kid. This is just tough to watch because she’s started to come out of her shell more this year.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm glad she's feeling better. I'd take this as a good sign that she is starting to come out of her shell; maybe the two of you can brainstorm about other activities she might want to get involved in to make friends and meet people. Branching out from a friend group/triad that turned into a dyad is one of the best ways to get over the hurt of being excluded.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her, "Don't worry, sweetie, when you get to college you can have wild sex with dozens of different men, like I did... oh wait, I didn't say that... I promise you, I was a virgin when I married your father. Hmmmm, how about that, it's dinnertime, we'll talk more later."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom screwed up every moment like this by downplaying my feelings. That was my guide for what not to do. I always recalled how big such slights felt to me at 14 and trusted that my girls knew what they were feeling. I validated them and that’s the best help you can give sometimes.

Unfortunately, this was my mom too.

My mom would tell me my sadness reflected that I was insecure. So I should stop being insecure. Thanks, Mom.