About to write my brother off

[Anonymous]

He and his wife are divorced. He's always broke despite a 100K per year job (in upstate NY). Pays no alimony, one son lives with him and is mostly self-sufficient, i.e. pays for his own college, etc. Youngest is 15. Brother came with youngest son to visit me at the beach and spend 90% of the time stoned (thought I didn't notice) and as a result, his behavior was obnoxious. Volunteered for me to take youngest home with me until August 1 - in front of him. He really wanted to come, so I did. Came home early with him because one of our family pets is very ill with just-discovered cancer. Might send him back earlier than anticipated, but cat will probably have to be euthanized today as the tumor in this throat is impairing his ability to eat. Husband is a mess as that cat is his baby - raised him from a kitten. He's only 5. My eldest is stepping in to take his cousin out today while we are at the vet. Thank goodness my nephew is a great, understanding kid and is no trouble to have around. Just the pressure of touring as he wants to go into DC, though my kids volunteered to take him in for us.

I'm just sick of my brother's irresponsible behavior - before he left to drive home, he took the ice bin out of the freezer to use some for his cooler, forgot to put it back, and it was in the corner of the kitchen by the coffee maker so I didn't even realize he did it. Came back from the beach a few hours later to find water all over the counter - could have been a disaster if it got on the wood floor. He's also left the grill on all night. It's one careless thing after another with an 'oh, sorry'. He's in his early 50s now. Should be more responsible.

Just wanted to vent. Thx.

[Anonymous]

Your nephew is lucky to have you. He probably doesn't care about DC but just being around normal people.

[Anonymous]

There’s a lot to unpack here. The examples you cited of “irresponsible” behavior seem like absent-minded things I could see myself doing. If you didn’t want your nephew to come, you should have said “sorry, that’s not going to work for us.” I’m not sure how his financial situation is your business and/or affects you (he doesn’t pay alimony? So what?).

I’m sure this is all coming from a place of stress. I’m very sorry about your cat. We had to put our beloved cat down recently from a tumor also. It is heartbreaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your nephew is lucky to have you. He probably doesn't care about DC but just being around normal people.

Times 1000. Maintain contact with your nephews. You aren't that far away from them being able to have a relationship with you that does not involve their father. Hang in there and do whats right for them.

[Anonymous]

Why would he pay alimony? And why does that bother you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would he pay alimony? And why does that bother you?

I think she was just pointing out that the brother is not broke because his ex took all his money, he is broke because he is careless with his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot to unpack here. The examples you cited of “irresponsible” behavior seem like absent-minded things I could see myself doing. If you didn’t want your nephew to come, you should have said “sorry, that’s not going to work for us.” I’m not sure how his financial situation is your business and/or affects you (he doesn’t pay alimony? So what?).

I’m sure this is all coming from a place of stress. I’m very sorry about your cat. We had to put our beloved cat down recently from a tumor also. It is heartbreaking.

I’ve been helping him pay bills. If he can afford pot, he can pay his own bills

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would he pay alimony? And why does that bother you?

I think she was just pointing out that the brother is not broke because his ex took all his money, he is broke because he is careless with his money.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nephew is lucky to have you. He probably doesn't care about DC but just being around normal people.

Times 1000. Maintain contact with your nephews. You aren't that far away from them being able to have a relationship with you that does not involve their father. Hang in there and do whats right for them.

Thank you. Such good kids. My ex SIL is wonderful too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a lot to unpack here. The examples you cited of “irresponsible” behavior seem like absent-minded things I could see myself doing. If you didn’t want your nephew to come, you should have said “sorry, that’s not going to work for us.” I’m not sure how his financial situation is your business and/or affects you (he doesn’t pay alimony? So what?).

I’m sure this is all coming from a place of stress. I’m very sorry about your cat. We had to put our beloved cat down recently from a tumor also. It is heartbreaking.

Thank you. And I’m sorry you went through this too. Heartbreaking

[Anonymous]

He doesn't come to visit you if you don't allow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't come to visit you if you don't allow it

Duh. That’s when I realized his pot smoking was constant

[Anonymous]

100K isn't much to live on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100K isn't much to live on

In upstate New York, it goes far

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100K isn't much to live on

In upstate New York, it goes far

Assuming "upstate NY" doesn't mean Westchester, in which case it definitely does not. (I'm from NYC and we'd definitely call Westchester "upstate," though I understand it's a little ridiculous in the grand scheme of things.) If we're talking Albany and north? Yes, $100K is a ton. I lived in the Rochester area (small town) for a year and my rent on a giant 2 bedroom was $600/month.