Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?

[Anonymous]

Our daughter is 3 1/2 and she is a very sweet very mature relatively easy and socially advanced kid... but she has epic tantrums about certain things. Like not wanting to comb her hair, reluctance to get dressed, take a bath, etc. It is like a switch goes off and she literally become possessed by the devil she starts screaming “go away go away” she often gets physically violent if you try to just like man handle her and make her do it (force her to brush teeth, Force her to leave, force her to get in the car). Whatever irrational things she is throwing a fit about she will just get so angry and often play me and my husband against each other like she wants daddy if mommy is making her do it or she wants mommy and it just goes back and forth. No amount of “I can see that you’re angry, you are Angry because you do not want to brush your hair but if you don’t brush your hair you will get knots” and all that positive parenting stuff doesn’t work. At all. Ignoring her doesn’t work eiTher and leaving her to scream naked and wet after the bath or something she will just literally scream in her room for 20 minutes. Any tips? My Six-year-old son never had tantrums like this although he was a more difficult toddler in other ways- listening, sitting still, impulse control etc. she’s so strong willed and stubborn and it’s usially over meaningless stuff like not wanting to get in the bath

[Anonymous]

My DS at 2-3 would have epic meltdowns where he seemed possessed. He would lay down and scream and flail his arms and legs, sometimes for an hour or two. Holding him, talking or singing to hum, leaving him alone, nothing worked. He eventually outgrew thrm.

[Anonymous]

Yep! That's our kid too. Grandparents are shocked and swear we (her parents) weren't like this. We do positive parenting because time outs etc make it worse, but I agree that sometimes there's nothing you can do but keep your own emotions under control so you don't escalate. Fwiw, 3.5 to 4 was very bad, 4 to 4.5 was idylic, and 4.5 to a bit past 5 was rough again. She's now 5.25 and so much more resilient, it's like a switch flipped last month. Things that would have been huge fights, just roll off her.

Reading The Highly Sensitive Child was informative although not a game changer in terms of practical tips. I like ahaparenting.com.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other posters. This sounds tough. Maybe anxiety? Also, cut her hair into a short bob so you don’t have to deal with knots.

[Anonymous]

This is 21:04 again, hair washing is a particular hot spot. We straight up bribe her. Other routine tasks like bath and brushing teeth, she doesn't like but we've been able to make them more inevitable whereas we don't wash hair every day. Sometimes I try to do hair washing earlier in the day before she gets tired and loses self control.

[Anonymous]

Yes! No advice... just solidarity... It has been a brutal week. 45 minute possessed by the devil tantrums. Conveniently occurring in all public places... I threw my back out today due to one. Argggg. Sending you angelic vibes?

[Anonymous]

One of my three was just like this at that age. I remember very clearly having multiple conversations with our pediatrician about how crazy and violent her tantrums were. He'd told us when she was 2 to expect tantrums and said the general guideline was to put them in their room for 2 minutes if they were 2, 3 minutes if they were 3, etc., until they calmed down, but she was fine as a 2 year old. The first time it happened when she was 3, we fortunately had her annual appointment a week or two later, and I asked if we should be putting her in her in her room for 3 minutes or until she calmed down, which was more like 45 minutes. He laughed and said however long it took.

We literally had to hold the door to her room closed while she yelled and raged. We'd go in when she quieted, and she'd be happy to see us and act like nothing had happened. She was done with all tantrums by 4, and has been pretty much a delightful person to be around ever since. (She's 19 now.)

[Anonymous]

I have just turned 3yo who is screams to try to get her way. She also escalates play with her older sister into a poking, grabbing, pummeling, hair pulling mess. Her sister ends up in a fetal position yelling for help. They are close in age and in size, but the older one is 5 and mostly rational. Everything with the 3yo is a battle. Right now, my whole focus is on improving the bedtime routine. It is an exhausting epic battle. Sometimes, I try to end it... but she clings to me and gets so hysterical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have just turned 3yo who is screams to try to get her way. She also escalates play with her older sister into a poking, grabbing, pummeling, hair pulling mess. Her sister ends up in a fetal position yelling for help. They are close in age and in size, but the older one is 5 and mostly rational. Everything with the 3yo is a battle. Right now, my whole focus is on improving the bedtime routine. It is an exhausting epic battle. Sometimes, I try to end it... but she clings to me and gets so hysterical.

So many typos! I have a just turned 3yo who screams...

[Anonymous]

How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.

[Anonymous]

Our just turned 3 to dd has terrible tantrums. She absolutely loses control, and it breaks my heart! I honestly don’t think she can stop it...just needs to get it all out of her system, and then is ok. I do find that these fits seem to happen when she is overtired.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal for my two girls. Discipline just escalated things. Some kids have big emotions, and control of those emotions requires further brain development. I did a lot of forced tooth brushings and hair washings at age 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally normal for my two girls. Discipline just escalated things. Some kids have big emotions, and control of those emotions requires further brain development. I did a lot of forced tooth brushings and hair washings at age 3.

Yeah I’m not sure if physically man handling her and hog tying her to comb her hair or brush her teeth is emotionally scarring - sigh

And Re chopping her hair she has gorgeous Shirley temple curls. Which is why it’s often a birds nest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.

I'm the PP with the 5 yo and I've spoken extensively with the pediatrician about this. Consequences don't work because she's not in control of herself: she's not deciding to do this, she's overwhelmed (and probably scared of the big feelings). She'll blow through punishments, there is literally nothing we could do or take away that would change the behavior in the moment. Modeling calming down works long term but not so much in the moment.

RE: physically restraining or forcing her, I know easier said than done but try not to unless it's an urgent safety matter. Not only does it spin things up, but now that DD is 5 and 40-something pounds of muscle, we really can't do it anymore. Better to wait out the tantrum and then calmly resume the "When you brush your teeth we can finally do x." It's so hard, I'm not saying I react well all the time!

[Anonymous]

My daughter is like this, at almost 4. It started around 3. She was a generally well behaved 2 year old, while her older sister was more difficult at 2. Just hoping it doesn’t last much longer, and sending good vibes!