How to help my sister? She will not be a mom in this life.

[Anonymous]

My sister is married for 16 years. Her husband is quiet on not having a kid. How to help my sister to be happy? She refuses to go anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Well, sounds like she’s made her choice.

[Anonymous]

You can help her by accepting the choices she makes for her own life and keeping your mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

But this wasn’t her choice. She really wants to be a mother. Her husband never revealed before about having a childless life. How can she keeps her mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But this wasn’t her choice. She really wants to be a mother. Her husband never revealed before about having a childless life. How can she keeps her mouth shut.

She is choosing to stay. Therefore she has made her priorities clear. You should butt out.

[Anonymous]

She should/would have left 10-15 years ago if having a child was THAT important to her. Deceptive of her husband not to reveal he didn't want kids before marriage, but dumb of her not to bring it up either (assuming that's how it went down.)

There's not really anything for you to help her with.

[Anonymous]

I adopted in my mid-40s. It’s hard to predict how life will play out.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t need help that she will never be a mom. In fact, she may be grateful in a few years. You should learn to be less judgemental, especially as a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But this wasn’t her choice. She really wants to be a mother. Her husband never revealed before about having a childless life. How can she keeps her mouth shut.

Did she tell you this or are you making assumptions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I adopted in my mid-40s. It’s hard to predict how life will play out.

Plus 1 (as a single woman.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But this wasn’t her choice. She really wants to be a mother. Her husband never revealed before about having a childless life. How can she keeps her mouth shut.

She is choosing to stay. Therefore she has made her priorities clear. You should butt out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just a guess that having children is very important in your culture. Have you ever considered that your sister doesn’t want kids and married a like-minded man who was willing to be the bad guy in your family’s eyes to spare her?

Women DO marry men who reveal later that they don’t want kids, but those women tend to leave the marriage or to have a whoops baby. The fact that your sister hasn’t done either makes me suspect she’s not desperate to be a mom, but has to feign interest because of buttinkski relatives like you.

[Anonymous]

Butt out. It's not up to you to help make her happy. This is a choice. Dh and I both discussed wanting kids very early on in the relationship. When we moved I together, got engaged, got married. ..each step along the way we always talked about our hopes and dreams, and the big picture stuff we were always on the same page.

Did her husband change his mind after many years together? Did they ever talk about it? I'd be upset if he changed his mind, and I would have to choose between a guy, and my instincts and desire to be a mom. If I chose the guy, it's still a CHOICE. Divorce isn't too complicated when there are no kids. If I chose the guy, and he was actually a decent human being, I would still have a great life and time and money to travel and focus on career etc. It's up to her to choose what wI'll make her happy.

[Anonymous]

MYOB

[Anonymous]

If her goal is to be a mom, you can help her figure out how to get a divorce, and either remarry/have children or adopt (and find a job/become financially independent if she is not already).

How old is your sister?