The "I Don't Want To's"

[Anonymous]

I have had about ENOUGH of my 17 y/o and her "I Don't Want To's". She wasn't raised to be this spoiled and entitled brat, and all of the sudden she wants everything handed to her, done for her, and her whole selfish attitude is about what she wants and doesn't want, without any regard or concern for anyone but herself.

WTF.

[Anonymous]

Take her phone away for a few days. It is a privilige you pay for ( I assume) Then re-evaluate her getting it back and her attitude.

[Anonymous]

Just throw it back at her. She wants you to do her laundry? "I don't want to." She wants you to buy her something? "I don't want to." She wants a ride somewhere? "I don't want to."

My mom once said to me, "Why would I put myself out doing nice things for people who aren't nice to me?" I got it. She did a lot of stuff that she didn't really want to, because she loved me, but she refused to be a doormat.

[Anonymous]

I have already done both of those things.
No effect.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's easy to be retaliatory (take the phone, don't do the laundry...) But if that hasn't worked, maybe try a different approach -- can you go on an outing with her, just the two of you? 17 is tough; they want to be independent, but they don't, but they do... Maybe a bit of extra love is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have already done both of those things.
No effect.

“I don’t care”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's easy to be retaliatory (take the phone, don't do the laundry...) But if that hasn't worked, maybe try a different approach -- can you go on an outing with her, just the two of you? 17 is tough; they want to be independent, but they don't, but they do... Maybe a bit of extra love is in order.

I get it.
Already have done that, too. We have regular outings together just the two of us, it is something we have always done.

[Anonymous]

I mainly just want to know what her deal is, what's her problem.
I've approached the behavior a number of different ways, and nothing really has had any effect on changing her attitude, in fact I think it's worse. She has the mentality of a spoiled brat 13 y/o. As a kid gets older you expect them to mature, not regress, and she's becoming more and more immature.

Has anyone ever dealt with this specifically?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have already done both of those things.
No effect.

“I don’t care”.

When I got her latest "I don't to do x, I want to do y" text, I simply responded "well I don't want to work, and I want a million dollars."
No response from her.

[Anonymous]

From a young age, whenever my son would say, "I don't want to" I would make sure he understood that nobody wants to do these things. We had long talks about how just because he doesn't hear us complaining out loud doesn't mean we want to __________ (fill in the blank with just about any responsibility). Now he is 13 and he has gotten much better about saying this. When he comes home from camp, he is much better about pitching in without being asked. Maybe sending her on a mission trip with church might do the trick.

[Anonymous]

So when you say you have tried already what happened exactly. When you took phone how long was it for? Did she get it back or do you still have it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a young age, whenever my son would say, "I don't want to" I would make sure he understood that nobody wants to do these things. We had long talks about how just because he doesn't hear us complaining out loud doesn't mean we want to __________ (fill in the blank with just about any responsibility). Now he is 13 and he has gotten much better about saying this. When he comes home from camp, he is much better about pitching in without being asked. Maybe sending her on a mission trip with church might do the trick.

Poor people don't exist for the purpose of providing valuable life lessons for privileged teenagers, though.

[Anonymous]

I will admit I have a 6yo not a teen but when I ask her to do something and she says I dont want to , I say " I didnt ask if you wanted to, i asked to you do X" At this point 99% of the time she does what I ask. I am assuming this is harder with a teen but you need to then have an immediate consequence. Loss of phone, loss of screens, loss of car or driving her somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a young age, whenever my son would say, "I don't want to" I would make sure he understood that nobody wants to do these things. We had long talks about how just because he doesn't hear us complaining out loud doesn't mean we want to __________ (fill in the blank with just about any responsibility). Now he is 13 and he has gotten much better about saying this. When he comes home from camp, he is much better about pitching in without being asked. Maybe sending her on a mission trip with church might do the trick.

Poor people don't exist for the purpose of providing valuable life lessons for privileged teenagers, though.

This is not why they exist, That is a stupid statement. But doing something to help those who have less than you can be eye opening for a lot of people.
I truly think if more people did this kind of thing for others we would have less Trump supporters. ( That is a whole other thread)

[Anonymous]

OP, give us some specific examples. Of what she said no to and how did you respond.