The "I Don't Want To's"

[Anonymous]

Does as he have a job? Chores? Don't let her be lazy all summer.

[Anonymous]

"I don't want to go to work or cook dinner or dust the living room or pay bills or do laundry. But I do because I have to. Then I'm free to volunteer, hang out with my kids, get together with friends, watch Bravo, etc. See how that works? Whether or not you want to is irrelevant in relation to things you have to do."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does as he have a job? Chores? Don't let her be lazy all summer.

She has a job, has chores, volunteers, and it isn’t under duress either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I don't want to go to work or cook dinner or dust the living room or pay bills or do laundry. But I do because I have to. Then I'm free to volunteer, hang out with my kids, get together with friends, watch Bravo, etc. See how that works? Whether or not you want to is irrelevant in relation to things you have to do."

This is my usual-type response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a young age, whenever my son would say, "I don't want to" I would make sure he understood that nobody wants to do these things. We had long talks about how just because he doesn't hear us complaining out loud doesn't mean we want to __________ (fill in the blank with just about any responsibility). Now he is 13 and he has gotten much better about saying this. When he comes home from camp, he is much better about pitching in without being asked. Maybe sending her on a mission trip with church might do the trick.

Poor people don't exist for the purpose of providing valuable life lessons for privileged teenagers, though.

This is not why they exist, That is a stupid statement. But doing something to help those who have less than you can be eye opening for a lot of people.
I truly think if more people did this kind of thing for others we would have less Trump supporters. ( That is a whole other thread)

Oh please.

It is the wealthy liberal kids who need this.

The Trump supporters are living the hard working poor life already. That is why they voted for him.

[Anonymous]

So is she doing what she needs to do just being a grouch about it or is she not doing what she needs to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So is she doing what she needs to do just being a grouch about it or is she not doing what she needs to do?

BOTH. And I mean throwing a fit like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mainly just want to know what her deal is, what's her problem.
I've approached the behavior a number of different ways, and nothing really has had any effect on changing her attitude, in fact I think it's worse. She has the mentality of a spoiled brat 13 y/o. As a kid gets older you expect them to mature, not regress, and she's becoming more and more immature.

Has anyone ever dealt with this specifically?

Perhaps you should change your approach. (Since you can’t actually change her, no matter how much you want to.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mainly just want to know what her deal is, what's her problem.
I've approached the behavior a number of different ways, and nothing really has had any effect on changing her attitude, in fact I think it's worse. She has the mentality of a spoiled brat 13 y/o. As a kid gets older you expect them to mature, not regress, and she's becoming more and more immature.

Has anyone ever dealt with this specifically?

Why don't you just ask her? "What is your deal Larla? You are always complaining that you don't want to do stuff? I mean we all get grouchy by you are beyond teasonable. What is your deal? Are you angry? Are you depressed? Fo you think you're being asked to do too much? What is your deal? "

Then shut your mouth and listen. Don't argue back. Just say, "Hmm.". I'll have to take some time to think about that. And go from yhere.

Is your DD a senior or leaving for college soon? sometimes kids just get more argumentative before they leave the house. it's a way of breaking the emotional ties early so that leaving is more manageable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mainly just want to know what her deal is, what's her problem.
I've approached the behavior a number of different ways, and nothing really has had any effect on changing her attitude, in fact I think it's worse. She has the mentality of a spoiled brat 13 y/o. As a kid gets older you expect them to mature, not regress, and she's becoming more and more immature.

Has anyone ever dealt with this specifically?

Why don't you just ask her? "What is your deal Larla? You are always complaining that you don't want to do stuff? I mean we all get grouchy by you are beyond teasonable. What is your deal? Are you angry? Are you depressed? Fo you think you're being asked to do too much? What is your deal? "

Then shut your mouth and listen. Don't argue back. Just say, "Hmm.". I'll have to take some time to think about that. And go from yhere.

Is your DD a senior or leaving for college soon? sometimes kids just get more argumentative before they leave the house. it's a way of breaking the emotional ties early so that leaving is more manageable.

It is literally the first thing I did, and still continue to do.

It does occur to me she may be trying to break the ties, however that she’s so immature and throwing tantrums about minutia is what is really concerning to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a young age, whenever my son would say, "I don't want to" I would make sure he understood that nobody wants to do these things. We had long talks about how just because he doesn't hear us complaining out loud doesn't mean we want to __________ (fill in the blank with just about any responsibility). Now he is 13 and he has gotten much better about saying this. When he comes home from camp, he is much better about pitching in without being asked. Maybe sending her on a mission trip with church might do the trick.

Poor people don't exist for the purpose of providing valuable life lessons for privileged teenagers, though.

This is not why they exist, That is a stupid statement. But doing something to help those who have less than you can be eye opening for a lot of people.
I truly think if more people did this kind of thing for others we would have less Trump supporters. ( That is a whole other thread)

Oh please.

It is the wealthy liberal kids who need this.

The Trump supporters are living the hard working poor life already. That is why they voted for him.

It's odd how the white hard-working poor voted for Trump but the non-white hard-working poor didn't, though, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

How is this becoming a Trump post?
Just stop.

[Anonymous]

Could she have something medical?
Is she worrying about her future?
Did she work too hard in school and now just wants to veg?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could she have something medical?
Is she worrying about her future?
Did she work too hard in school and now just wants to veg?

Medical... what I’m starting to wonder but nothing diagnoses yet specifically ...???
Worrying.... maybe...???
Work too hard in school... perhaps. School is hard for her and she has LD.

[Anonymous]

She might just be overwhelmed with life. If she's a junior going to be a senior the pressure of that might be getting to her. Its not ok to treat your family poorly but remember that often times home is the only place they feel safe to be their less than terrific selves. Kids have to manage a lot these days. I would try my best to give the order/request and just ignore her outbursts. Leave the room ..