My College-Age D is Requesting a Psychiatric Counseling for Hyperactivity/ADHD.
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Anonymous
| Her mom has a "borderline personality disorder" diagnosis. Now at 19, she has on own accord asked to see a psychiatrist for possible hyperactivity/ADHD. She says when she's hyper, her mind is "burning" and can't sleep or focus. I always thought she was able to leverage her hyperactivity to become active in HS, to be involved in multiple organizations, including leadership positions, while maintaining high stats good enough to get into top SLACs. For her college applications, she couldn't start the application process until a week and a half before college apps were due. And in college, she absolutely can't start 10-page essay until the day before the due date. She's totally disorganized, and is constantly worried she'll fail in college and in life. What am I missing? Any parents or any one with this experience and what we can expect from professional counselling? |
Anonymous
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Wow, good for your daughter for realizing that she needs help and for her to tell you that she needs help. She obviously has a lot of confidence in you, OP, and it is great that she is willing to share this with you. Is she heading off to college in the fall? Now is a great time for you guys to work together to get some of this settled for her before then.
My first stop would be for her to make an appointment with her pediatrician or internist -- and for both of you to be at the appointment. The doctor can walk you through what they know about the process for diagnosing ADHD or ADDHD. The doctor can also make recommendations for your daughter for other physicians if the doctor feels that those are necessary. I think you also should reach out to her high school guidance counselor to see if s/he has any recommendations for resources. It also is very possible that the gc will have some insights to share with you about your daughter. |
Anonymous
Whoops! Reading comprehension fail. I just re-read your post and it sounds like she already is at college. You might have to work a little harder to find an internist in your area if she goes away to school. I would still reach out to the former high school gc because chances are they will have some resources to suggest. |
Anonymous
Aw, sorry, she's sophomore now, home for the summer. She's finished with her first year in college; STEM major, one B, one B+, five A-, one A. She pretty much got what she applied for in her first year in college, worked as a peer tutor this year, selected for LAB TA next year, with her math prof asking if she wants to be a TA that runs discussion-type tutoring. (She declined; time commitment.) Her unusual fear is she can fail, given her disorganization, inability to focus, and her propensity to procrastinate. We have an appointment set up with a psychiatrist in her home state, one month out. It's a PPO so, we need not go through the Primary Care Physician. The only thing is there is no psychiatrist near her campus. Possibly, I can get a regular psychologist during the school year. Not sure. |
Anonymous
| You might want to go out of network to get an appointment sooner. You will also get better care. It takes time to adjust meds, so better to see a doctor sooner to be prepared for next school year. She also needs to make an appointment with student counseling at her school, as adhd responds better to a combo of meds and therapy. |
Anonymous
| Praise her for asking for help. As an over-achiever with anxiety who was always afraid of failing, I wish I had sooner. Good for you for helping her. |
Anonymous
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This may be ADHD or it might be anxiety. She has performed well and worked hard, but she might be feeling the pressure now. My advice is for you to definitely seek out a psychiatrist or psychologist and make an appointment. I would not tell them what you think it is she is dealing with, but rather simply explain the symptoms and how she is feeling stressed about them. When she has the appointment(s) she will talk with the psychiatrist and then a diagnosis will come (possibly after some sort of testing). Your DD may simply be feeling the pressure and there isn't a diagnosis, but with the mental health issues in her family history (her mother) you both will need to be open to the possibility it is not as simple as ADHD, but possibly something else. And then get her the help she needs.
Count yourself lucky that your DD has come to you seeking help. Many people suffer silently because they are afraid of a diagnosis or the judgment they will receive from others. It can make working with any possible issues that arise. You're also a great parent for wasting to help her! Good luck! |
Anonymous
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She does not really need a psychiatrist, but that is fine. They will evaluate and prescribe medicine.
She needs a psychologist. The school should have them on staff or should be able to recommend one close to the school. Call the disabilities office. She needs to learn meditation and mindfulness to help with her racing brain. Get her a psychologist ASAP now that she is home and by the time she is off to school she should be already learning how to manage her issues. BTW, she has anxieties, clearly from you post. Those can be managed with meditation too. Don't go the SSRI route until she has tried to manage her anxieties with a psychologist. ADHD meds have a short life but might increase her anxieties. If money is not an issue, lower her course load and allow her to graduate in more time... what is the rush. |
Anonymous
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... also, get her this book to start to understand how to be more mindful and to not worry so much
https://www.amazon.com/Buddhist-Boot-Camp-Timber-Hawkeye/dp/0062267434 Also to understand her mom.... https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1529931975&sr=1-3&keywords=loving+someone+with+borderline+personality+disorder |
Anonymous
Unless you have examined her as a qualified professional, how can you diagnose, treat, and prescribe? |
Anonymous
Given her mother's mental health issues, a psychiatrist sounds completely reasonable to me. |
Anonymous
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Get her all the help you can afford, as quickly as you can, and don’t resist treatment including meds. She’s struggling, and meds can be life changing. I wish I’d been offered that chance.
I have classic inattentive ADHD. It also caused anxiety. They often occur together. If she has ADHD and anxiety, don’t try to treat the anxiety without treating the ADHD. I always made excellent grades and had amazing test scores through high school. When I went to college I was so overwhelmed and none of my coping mechanisms worked anymore. I asked for help from so many doctors and mental heath professionals, but they kept saying it couldn’t be adhd, it must be depression and anxiety. This was partly because my mom helped set up the appointments in a show to be supportive, but she would undermine me and say I had no adhd symptoms, I was just depressed from gaining the freshman 15. I could never get organized and eventually I wound up dropping out. Later as an adult, I got a proper diagnosis, got meds and appropriate counseling to help manage my life. I feel so much more normal now and I really resent the roadblocks that were thrown up in my path that made my life needlessly difficult. It sounds like you’re trying to help but on the fence about how to proceed. Encourage her to get medical help and maybe work with an ADHD coach to help her learn to be more organized and develop good habits. |
Anonymous
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OP - I thought about this today and here's what I wonder:
She claims she can't concentrate. Yet, she has pretty darn good but imperfect grades, a step down since high school (suggesting she is plenty able to concentrate). ADHD drugs are abused all the time by high powered students. (We would all do better in the short run with a little bit of speed in our system.) I know she is unhappy and clearly something isn't right, but for my money it sounds more like she is failing to be superwoman rather than just failing. I would take her to a therapist to talk to but I would be very resistent to thinking this is a problem that can be fixed by Adderall. But definitely get her someone to talk to. |
Anonymous
Hyperfocus is actually a symptom of ADHD. Sometimes people with ADHD can focus with astonishing intensity. Or it could be that she had figured out some coping mechanisms that let her get through high school, but college proved to be more difficult and more stressful and her old strategies aren’t effective enough anymore. Your idea that she made good grades so it must not be ADHD is the reason so many kids slip through the cracks. A lot of adults are being diagnosed now because their kids are being diagnosed and they see the symptoms in themselves. Their parents also thought they were doing ok so it couldn’t be adhd, they’re just unorganized/lazy/chronically late/daydreamer. Learn more about ADHD before recommending people don’t get treatment for it. |
Anonymous
This. Too many overachievers drop out or commit suicide rather than ask for help. |