Would You Have Said Something?

[Anonymous]

Over the past few years I have kept my mouth shut regarding a close, older family friend handing my husband pills. We only see her a few times a year but WHO GIVES PEOPLE PILLS? If this even normal? Am I the prud here? DH drinks alot and has been trying to stop, he hasn't had a drink in a few weeks. Tonight we went to dinner with this friend, she is almost a relative by marriage just w.out the marriage. In front of me, in my home, with my children running around she went to hand him pills. TWICE. He told her he didn't want them. This isn't the first time she has tried to give him pills and he usually takes them. I ALWAYS say something to him, and we argue. Tonight I saw her, I said "xname, NO, do not give those to him". So of course DH is horrified, tells me I should have said something to him. I say NO, I am DONE not saying anything to her.

I have kids, I have to be home with him while he is drinking or taking pills, and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. She is not responsible for his behavior but I certainly have had ENOUGH of not saying anything to her. Now I feel jittery and anxious and scared. I dont care if I offended her, DO NOT CARE. I told DH's sister, who is aware of his issue with alcohol, and she spoke to them as well (I think). DH is pissed I said something to his sister. But I just do not care. Don't care. I have kids to watch out for, I dont need this crap in my life from a "friend".

I am wondering if it were you, would you have said something as well? Would you have said something sooner? Would you just keep your mouth shut? What would you have said or not said? I am very interested in hearing what I may have done differently or if what I did was ok.

[Anonymous]

I would have beat her over the head with my bouquet.

[Anonymous]

What kind of pills? Are we talking tylenol, valium, speed, what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of pills? Are we talking tylenol, valium, speed, what?

Vicodin. Maybe some other pain killer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have beat her over the head with my bouquet.

So it was "ok" that I said something? I feel like DH is trying to make me feel like I was out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have beat her over the head with my bouquet.

So it was "ok" that I said something? I feel like DH is trying to make me feel like I was out of line.

You were trying to protect your family. Your DH is out of line for using substances that impair his judgment, and frankly, for having the limited judgment to decide these substances are his priorities. People frustrated by their own problems will often lash out at... intimate targets they feel comfortable blaming. Don't believe that you did anything wrong in speaking up.

[Anonymous]

You told husband before to say no if she offers, right? I mean, that kind of drug distribution "is" illegal and both of them are engaging in illegal acts by doing so. In your house. With your kids there. There's almost no chance in the world they'd get into legal trouble, of course, but it's the principle of the thing.

I would have said something, in your shoes, after attempts to get my husband to stop accepting them failed.

[Anonymous]

What am I missing? Why is an older family friend handing out vicodins? It's a controlled substance, how is she getting hold of them? Is she an addict, too? Does he have a prior illness she thinks she is being helpful with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What am I missing? Why is an older family friend handing out vicodins? It's a controlled substance, how is she getting hold of them? Is she an addict, too? Does he have a prior illness she thinks she is being helpful with?

You're not missing anything. I have no idea where she gets them. DH has no illness. They like pills, the feeling they get. I despise them for taking the pills, it just boggles my mind that they take them.

[Anonymous]

Umm....I think the issue is more with your DH!? No? Am I misreading this?

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like your husband has a drug problem. You need to find him some help, now. I don't know anything about this, but I'm guessing a drug abuse counselor? Perhaps another DCUM poster will know the type of counselor he needs.

If someone offered me, or my husband, a drug, I know that I would say "no", he would say "no", and we would both say quite a few more things about how bizarre that is to go around offering drugs to people, and that person would never be invited back to our house again. What if that person tried to offer drugs to your children without your knowledge? Think about it.

And yes, I absolutely would have said something. You were right to say something. Keep this "family friend" away from your DH and especially your kids.

[Anonymous]

I would surface this behavior: "Excuse me Belinda, are you giving my husband your prescription medication?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have beat her over the head with my bouquet.

So it was "ok" that I said something? I feel like DH is trying to make me feel like I was out of line.

Of course he is trying to make you feel like you are out of line. He's an addict. He'll do what he can to keep his supply coming. If that means manipulating you, he'll do it. You've got to stay strong and keep doing what you are doing to keep the pills away from him. But really, he needs to get help for his addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Umm....I think the issue is more with your DH!? No? Am I misreading this?

Yes, as I wrote above, I am not excusing his behavior. I am not saying he is not responsible. I am asking if I was wrong to say something to HER. I know what the issue is with my DH.

[Anonymous]

You were absolutely right. I would have taken it further than you and told her that she would be completely cut out of your family if she ever attempted this again.