Playing hard to get

[Anonymous]

A guy accused me of doing this today. I was not, in fact, intending to play hard to get. I had turned him down several times with statements such as "no thanks" and "I'm not interested" and "it's not going to happen." I do not want to date/hook up with this guy and I have told him so. And yet somehow he interprets this as playing hard to get. He is by no means the first dude I've encountered who behaved this way. It baffles me.

Question 1: Do you ever play hard to get? If so, what is your strategy? Does it include saying things like "no thanks" when you would actually like to date the person? And if so, why do you do this?

Question 2: Do you ever assume people are playing hard to get when they turn you down? If so, what makes you think they're doing that as opposed to turning you down for real? Does continuing to pursue someone who says no ever actually pay off?

[Anonymous]

You say other men have behaved this way as well. That suggests you are sending mixed signals. Why don’t you ask him why he continued to pursue you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say other men have behaved this way as well. That suggests you are sending mixed signals. Why don’t you ask him why he continued to pursue you?

+1
Do you have a reason why, s/o? Are you friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say other men have behaved this way as well. That suggests you are sending mixed signals. Why don’t you ask him why he continued to pursue you?

Some guys are not good at reading a woman's signals or believing what they are being told verbally or in writing. It really comes down to a matter of respecting women. I have had this happen in the past, even though I clearly stated in writing that I did not want to communicate and blocked his emails and numbers. He used a new work number to send a text. In this instance, I had to send a very negative message to let him know that I was serious.

OP, some guys don't get it and never will, or will once they are jailed for harassment or worse. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy accused me of doing this today. I was not, in fact, intending to play hard to get. I had turned him down several times with statements such as "no thanks" and "I'm not interested" and "it's not going to happen." I do not want to date/hook up with this guy and I have told him so. And yet somehow he interprets this as playing hard to get. He is by no means the first dude I've encountered who behaved this way. It baffles me.

Question 1: Do you ever play hard to get? If so, what is your strategy? Does it include saying things like "no thanks" when you would actually like to date the person? And if so, why do you do this?

Question 2: Do you ever assume people are playing hard to get when they turn you down? If so, what makes you think they're doing that as opposed to turning you down for real? Does continuing to pursue someone who says no ever actually pay off?

OP, as a guy, when a gal indicated no interest in me, well, that was that. I moved on. I would avoid that guy alone...

[Anonymous]

I once got the message and moved on. She's had a change of heart in a matter of few weeks - but I have moved on. It's been 5 yrs since. I can tell she's still regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes a guy's ego doesn't deal well with rejection and as a result, he projects it on the woman (this is her fault)

Other times, it is her fault. Some women like the attention.

[Anonymous]

Those that play hard to get (in my opinion), don’t get got.

You snooze.....
You lose.

I can surely understand playing hard to get when in high school.

But in adulthood, games should be over + done with.

Sure, one must not look too available & clingy.
But that does not = Playing hard to get at all.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I usually play too easy to get ...

[Anonymous]

PP, any Thursday happy hour plans yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy accused me of doing this today. I was not, in fact, intending to play hard to get. I had turned him down several times with statements such as "no thanks" and "I'm not interested" and "it's not going to happen." I do not want to date/hook up with this guy and I have told him so. And yet somehow he interprets this as playing hard to get. He is by no means the first dude I've encountered who behaved this way. It baffles me.

Question 1: Do you ever play hard to get? If so, what is your strategy? Does it include saying things like "no thanks" when you would actually like to date the person? And if so, why do you do this?

Question 2: Do you ever assume people are playing hard to get when they turn you down? If so, what makes you think they're doing that as opposed to turning you down for real? Does continuing to pursue someone who says no ever actually pay off?

the truth stares at you in the mirror. you're being disingenuous at best if you think you are not the problem (you are the common factor in all of your encounters)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say other men have behaved this way as well. That suggests you are sending mixed signals. Why don’t you ask him why he continued to pursue you?

Some guys are not good at reading a woman's signals or believing what they are being told verbally or in writing. It really comes down to a matter of respecting women. I have had this happen in the past, even though I clearly stated in writing that I did not want to communicate and blocked his emails and numbers. He used a new work number to send a text. In this instance, I had to send a very negative message to let him know that I was serious.

OP, some guys don't get it and never will, or will once they are jailed for harassment or worse. I am sorry that you have to deal with this.

If many guys are saying this to you, you are not communicating clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately I usually play too easy to get ...

Can I buy you a drink?

[Anonymous]

I did play hard to get with my DH and that's what won him over (his words). He was really hot and had lots of women chasing him, but I was the only one who didn't so that sparked his interest. I remember waiting 4 days between calls or texts because he had women texting him constantly. Even though he was hot, confident guy, he was pretty shy still. I let him make all the first moves even though it killed me. Before I met him, I had just broken up with a guy I was engaged to and I wanted to stay single for a while. I met DH and immediately changed my mind, but I did keep telling him that I wanted to stay single for a while. I also tried to not be as available as I was (I'd just moved to DC and didn't know anyone so of course I was available!). Anyways, DH still refers to me as the girl he had to chase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did play hard to get with my DH and that's what won him over (his words). He was really hot and had lots of women chasing him, but I was the only one who didn't so that sparked his interest. I remember waiting 4 days between calls or texts because he had women texting him constantly. Even though he was hot, confident guy, he was pretty shy still. I let him make all the first moves even though it killed me. Before I met him, I had just broken up with a guy I was engaged to and I wanted to stay single for a while. I met DH and immediately changed my mind, but I did keep telling him that I wanted to stay single for a while. I also tried to not be as available as I was (I'd just moved to DC and didn't know anyone so of course I was available!). Anyways, DH still refers to me as the girl he had to chase.

m

Sweet story sis. I do think men like a challenge, and I think stories like your are common. However, a tease specifically, is manipulative. That can be frustrating or cruel, whether teasing someone sexually or emotionally with no intention of provision. It doesn’t sound like you were being a tease with your now DH, but I’m not comfortable concluding the same of OP quite yet.