Playing hard to get

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guy accused me of doing this today. I was not, in fact, intending to play hard to get. I had turned him down several times with statements such as "no thanks" and "I'm not interested" and "it's not going to happen." I do not want to date/hook up with this guy and I have told him so. And yet somehow he interprets this as playing hard to get. He is by no means the first dude I've encountered who behaved this way. It baffles me.

Question 1: Do you ever play hard to get? If so, what is your strategy? Does it include saying things like "no thanks" when you would actually like to date the person? And if so, why do you do this?

Question 2: Do you ever assume people are playing hard to get when they turn you down? If so, what makes you think they're doing that as opposed to turning you down for real? Does continuing to pursue someone who says no ever actually pay off?

if this first guy makes another pass, I would get really angry and tell him in no uncertain terms not to call you again. If her persists, get a restraining order.

[Anonymous]

I act at and expect face value.

If it is a pattern that you have heard this several times I would look to see what nonverbals are not matching up with your verbal response. Are you making strong eye contact, playing with your hair, nodding, eating a bratwurst deep throat style, or sucking down a wide neck bottle of juice as you say no? Look in the mirror and reenact the conversation. Practice less eye contact, a bland face, a less expectant face, body turned at least slightly away and a flat tone.

Stay away from people who do not take no for an answer. It is an act of aggression. Do not be alone with people who do this.

[Anonymous]

Some guys can't handle rejection. Be polite but firm and say you have no interest and that if he continues to pursue you you will consider it to be harassment.