My spouse is completely unyielding about unrealistic design/decorating choices.

[Anonymous]

My spouse is completely unrealistic and either fails to recognize issues or just refuses to see them. For example, we bought a house with a guest room, specifically so that we could accommodate family/friends when they are in town, and we have actually gotten a lot of use out of the guest room. Now, my spouse is trying to convert it into some kind of a lounge with a sleeper sofa. Not even a bed in there. Just a sleeper sofa. We could have stayed in our old place if we were going to make visitors sleep on the sofa. In addition, we live in an old house with several quirks, including some floors that are less than perfectly level. Nevertheless, my spouse wants to set our stuff up so that things that need a good level surface will be in spots that don't offer that. I also can't tell where we would even have a TV unless it's now supposed to go in the former guest room.

Unfortunately, if I bring any of this up, it ends in a fight. What do I do here?

[Anonymous]

Are you the man or the woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the man or the woman?

Ridiculous question. It doesn't matter. What if this is two women or two man?

That fact that you are trying to assess a power dynamic here and using gender for it is not normal.

[Anonymous]

What’s the reason given for wanting to put a couch in there? Is he/she trying to solve a different problem? Also, I don’t understand the issue with the floors. Are you talking about rearranging furniture in other rooms? If so, why not move it around to try it out? You can always move it back if it doesn’t work.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys not have a tv at all right now? Is that why he wants to convert the guest room, so he has the ability to watch tv somewhere in his own home? One television in the house is not an unreasonable ask so I’d recommend working with him on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the man or the woman?

Ridiculous question. It doesn't matter. What if this is two women or two man?

That fact that you are trying to assess a power dynamic here and using gender for it is not normal.

NP It's not ridiculous. I hate ops where they are all coy about stuff like this, like there's an answer they want, or some sort of test. I don't even play. Knock it off. No helpful responses to silly games like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the man or the woman?

Ridiculous question. It doesn't matter. What if this is two women or two man?

That fact that you are trying to assess a power dynamic here and using gender for it is not normal.

I am sure she is asking because many of us are imagining the next step being foosball tables and kegerators in the decor if it is the husband or an hgtv/pinterest addiction if it is the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the man or the woman?

Ridiculous question. It doesn't matter. What if this is two women or two man?

That fact that you are trying to assess a power dynamic here and using gender for it is not normal.

NP It's not ridiculous. I hate ops where they are all coy about stuff like this, like there's an answer they want, or some sort of test. I don't even play. Knock it off. No helpful responses to silly games like this.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Give him the basement. He can do whatever he wants down there.

If the issues are that he wants a TV area that makes sense, and feels that having a guest room that you use only 10% of the time (so basically unused) so wife can decorate one more room, then compromise.

Let him have the TV in there.

Instead of a full/queen bed or a sofa bed, get a day bed and pop up trundle with real mattresses.

Decorate the day bed like a couch.

Add a chair in the corner.

Everybody wins.

Marriage is about compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the man or the woman?

Ridiculous question. It doesn't matter. What if this is two women or two man?

That fact that you are trying to assess a power dynamic here and using gender for it is not normal.

NP It's not ridiculous. I hate ops where they are all coy about stuff like this, like there's an answer they want, or some sort of test. I don't even play. Knock it off. No helpful responses to silly games like this.

I agree.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think the sex of the person matters too. Love my husband but he doesn't understand guest rooms. He'd be comfortable sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag whereas I know our parents and friends would not be. DH doesn't get as much of a say in what the mattress, sheets and decor of the room would be.

Why isn't your TV in the living room? We're not big into watching TV, but it's pretty essential IMO

[Anonymous]

Get an American Leather sofa bed. My 70YO parents swear it’s amazingly comfortable, my dad actually asked me for the brand name to see if they made stand alone mattresses.

[Anonymous]

None of the things you describe are red flags for me.

We have a 4 bed house, and our "guest room" is a playroom 99% of the time, with an american leather pull out. It works for us.

We were in an old house with uneven floors. That didn't impact our furniture placement. We just used shims as a work around. Including a shim under a media table with our tv. I was able to get it perfectly level, despite a 2 inch drop over 4 feet.

My guess is the OP has very conservative and basic ideas about how to decorate a house. And their spouse wants to mix things up a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the sex of the person matters too. Love my husband but he doesn't understand guest rooms. He'd be comfortable sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag whereas I know our parents and friends would not be. DH doesn't get as much of a say in what the mattress, sheets and decor of the room would be.

Why isn't your TV in the living room? We're not big into watching TV, but it's pretty essential IMO

WTF? I am a woman with a husband and guests. Our guests watch tv in the guest room at night. Especially my MIL who has her favorite tv shows.
Compromise is a word OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him the basement. He can do whatever he wants down there.

If the issues are that he wants a TV area that makes sense, and feels that having a guest room that you use only 10% of the time (so basically unused) so wife can decorate one more room, then compromise.

Let him have the TV in there.

Instead of a full/queen bed or a sofa bed, get a day bed and pop up trundle with real mattresses.

Decorate the day bed like a couch.

Add a chair in the corner.

Everybody wins.

Marriage is about compromise.

Just got my tween a daybed w/trundle. Loooooooooooooooooooovessssssss it. And guess what, it's a bedroom 100% of the time. Op, this is not a real issue. You just seem to have a very limited idea of how things can work. Look on pinterest, they have great ideas for multi-use rooms -- great ideas.