Aging mother personality issues

[Anonymous]

My mom is 70 and we live on opposite coasts. I am traveling with my preschooler DD to visit relatives in another country and as DH had to cancel, my mom offered and will be joining us. Because of our trip, we've been talking a lot more than usual and it's hit me that my mom's personality has changed, probably over the last few years. The best way I can describe it is to say she has lost a degree of emotional control. For instance, she has always been a complainer and tends to complain about things from years ago, but lately, she just sounds so... angry. She gets riled up like she's going to fly off the handle (but doesn't) and is more emotional and angry-sounding now compared to say two years ago despite the passage of time on the events she is referring to. She also has become prone to snapping at me and again, angrily (instead of snippishly) when the situation doesn't warrant it.

Is this just aging or is there something else I should be concerned about? And how should I deal with her when we are spending 24/7 together on our two week trip? We are all going to be tired, I will have my hands full with DD who will be difficult due to the time difference, and I'm worried that we are going to blow up at each other and hurt our relationship.

[Anonymous]

It can be a sign of Alzheimer’s but t can also just be aging. I think a lot of elderly people start to lose temporal lobe function and lose impulse control. It can also sometimes be caused by medications. I had a relative on a medication that caused insomnia and he was irritable because he was exhausted.
No doctor would recommend this but a drink or two definitely takes the edge off my mom and makes her a lot easier to deal with. More than two and she’s a mess though.

[Anonymous]

It is definitely a big sign of Alzheimer's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 70 and we live on opposite coasts. I am traveling with my preschooler DD to visit relatives in another country and as DH had to cancel, my mom offered and will be joining us. Because of our trip, we've been talking a lot more than usual and it's hit me that my mom's personality has changed, probably over the last few years. The best way I can describe it is to say she has lost a degree of emotional control. For instance, she has always been a complainer and tends to complain about things from years ago, but lately, she just sounds so... angry. She gets riled up like she's going to fly off the handle (but doesn't) and is more emotional and angry-sounding now compared to say two years ago despite the passage of time on the events she is referring to. She also has become prone to snapping at me and again, angrily (instead of snippishly) when the situation doesn't warrant it.

Is this just aging or is there something else I should be concerned about? And how should I deal with her when we are spending 24/7 together on our two week trip? We are all going to be tired, I will have my hands full with DD who will be difficult due to the time difference, and I'm worried that we are going to blow up at each other and hurt our relationship.

70 isn't old, OP. She should not be having these personality changes. It sounds like my mother right before her Alzheimer's diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Good input from PP's about Alzheimer's.

I have one other perspective. I've noticed that when our parents (late 70's, early 80's) are grumpy and even argumentative then it usually means they haven't been socializing much. Not only socializing like for parties and such, but the basics of interacting with people at church, at the grocery store, going to the pharmacy, etc. I was very concerned this past winter because one of my parents was really getting emotional, sometimes making sharp almost mean in some comments about other people. Once the weather let up (it was so cold for a while) and life was back to normal then the mood shifted back. Now I know and I am going to make sure that they are all getting enough socialization.

Also, as much as I'm sure she is excited by it, is she getting stressed about the trip? That could cause her to be emotional and cross. Some people have a hard time dealing with their anxiety as they lead up to the travel. Something to consider ...

[Anonymous]

My mom is 76 and has gotten much grumpier over the last few years. And has lost her tact. But mine is showing other signs of predementia, the biggest sign is losing her words, losing her ability to spell and not comprehending simple instructions.

But with your mom it could be that she’s just getting grumpier as she ages. It could stem from her being unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Both of my parents (divorced) seem to always have Fox News on, which I personally find toxic, and they both exhibit what you describe. Being Tuned in all the time to hearing abouT the world’s tragedies from a particularly partisan network that wallows in conspiracy constantly, cannot be good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of my parents (divorced) seem to always have Fox News on, which I personally find toxic, and they both exhibit what you describe. Being Tuned in all the time to hearing abouT the world’s tragedies from a particularly partisan network that wallows in conspiracy constantly, cannot be good.

My mom is very liberal and is grumpy all the time, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of my parents (divorced) seem to always have Fox News on, which I personally find toxic, and they both exhibit what you describe. Being Tuned in all the time to hearing abouT the world’s tragedies from a particularly partisan network that wallows in conspiracy constantly, cannot be good.

Is Fox News considered a sure sign of dementia to you?

[Anonymous]

NP - I've noticed a lot of my mom's friends (early 70s age range) are also getting more grumpy. I know that some of them are in pain from various medical conditions, and I think that likely is part of it. Some also have less confidence in driving, so they see their independence slipping away. But in general, they overall just seem to have less tolerance for societal change, and for differences.

[Anonymous]

sometimes this is caused by pain. and lack of sleep, sometimes due to pain. Talk to her, see if this is true, and maybe see if you can convince her to talk to a doctor about pain mitigation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both of my parents (divorced) seem to always have Fox News on, which I personally find toxic, and they both exhibit what you describe. Being Tuned in all the time to hearing abouT the world’s tragedies from a particularly partisan network that wallows in conspiracy constantly, cannot be good.

And CNN isn't toxic like Fox? At least be honest.

[Anonymous]

PPs have good thoughts and suggestions. You say you’ve noticed this over the past few years; has she been more isolated over this time? Is she living alone? If so, for how long? Any other changes she’s been through, like retirement?

I think if it’s early dementia, you will certainly notice other changes, especially if you are spending so much time with her. But it sounds like what you’re observing isn’t necessarily new, but rather a ramp-up of long-standing traits. That’s not unusual as people age, especially if they are living alone or socially isolated. And yes, pain and sleep patterns could be a part of it.

Have you noticed other signs of cognitive changes? Is she repeating herself a lot? Losing words (this happens to everyone as we age, of course, for different reasons)?
How is her health?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I haven't noticed any other cognitive changes, such as losing words or repeating herself. There are a couple things she has mentioned to me, but I thought these were within the realm of normal: things don't occur to her until later (e.g., she's talking with a contractor, for instance, and she forgets until later to ask him something) and if she happens to miss an exit or make a wrong turn while driving (neither of which is troubling, in itself), she gets flustered and doesn't know how to recover.

My mom has been unhappy for many years. She is a negative person prone to depression, add to that forced retirement and a mobility-reducing injury, both about 10 years ago. My dad is difficult to live with and despite living in the same area for decades, she doesn't have a close circle of friends. As she ages, she's developed health issues. Could her emotional issues just be a sign of unhappiness/depression rather than dementia?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP - I've noticed a lot of my mom's friends (early 70s age range) are also getting more grumpy. I know that some of them are in pain from various medical conditions, and I think that likely is part of it. Some also have less confidence in driving, so they see their independence slipping away. But in general, they overall just seem to have less tolerance for societal change, and for differences.

Do you find these descriptions to be true of Hillary Clinton?