Aging mother personality issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. I haven't noticed any other cognitive changes, such as losing words or repeating herself. There are a couple things she has mentioned to me, but I thought these were within the realm of normal: things don't occur to her until later (e.g., she's talking with a contractor, for instance, and she forgets until later to ask him something) and if she happens to miss an exit or make a wrong turn while driving (neither of which is troubling, in itself), she gets flustered and doesn't know how to recover.

My mom has been unhappy for many years. She is a negative person prone to depression, add to that forced retirement and a mobility-reducing injury, both about 10 years ago. My dad is difficult to live with and despite living in the same area for decades, she doesn't have a close circle of friends. As she ages, she's developed health issues. Could her emotional issues just be a sign of unhappiness/depression rather than dementia?

Absolutely. It does sound like she’s isolated with few outlets for socialization or meaningful activity, particularly since she retired. And that what you’re seeing is a more extreme version of how she’s always been. There certainly may be some unaddressed depression and/or anxiety. I think after traveling with her it will become more apparent to you if she’s showing signs of dementia, but with your additional information, it doesn’t necessarily sound like that’s what’s going on.

Are you able to talk with her openly about things? Is this something you could gently bring up, in the context of wanting to protect your close relationship?
If not then you will just have to set certain boundaries and try to let things roll off your back, which I know can be challenging when spending a lot of time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could her emotional issues just be a sign of unhappiness/depression rather than dementia?

Yes.

Inner turmoil is distracting and demands cognitive resources at any age. The forgetfulness and difficulty with mental flexibility can come up with generalized anxiety.

Also, while we tend to think of personality as relatively stable, some shifts do occur over a lifetime. Usually agreeableness increases with age, but people who have have lifelong difficulties with being happy and agreeable can become less stable in this dimension. Also, some studies suggest that wellness and personality are correlated. Your mother’s injury and ongoing mental health issues might be negatively affecting her sense of wellness.

You might also be interested in this article on irritability and depression: http://articles.latimes.com/2013/oct/08/science/la-sci-angry-irritable-depression-20131008.

Wishing you the best as you sort it out. Interaction and travel with an unhappy parent is a tough thing.