Men who did not grow up with mothers

[Anonymous]

My BF’s mother committed suicide when he was a baby. What are some of the challenges of growing up without a mom, and how have men overcome them?

[Anonymous]

Surely he’s in a better position to answer this question than most of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surely he’s in a better position to answer this question than most of us.

Yes, I know, but just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely he’s in a better position to answer this question than most of us.

Yes, I know, but just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

Why would it be the same? Unless you believe all men are the same? Do you think only a women can raise a child?

[Anonymous]

^ No, of course not. Why so defensive?

[Anonymous]

It's much, much harder for a boy to grow up without a dad than without a mom, and needless to say a lot more boys have had the former experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think that the real question is how a person fares as an adult after losing a parent as a young child. And by losing, I mean death as opposed to divorce. Both can be devastating, but maybe there are some differences (and similarities) in how families tend to respond. In your BFs case, although he was an infant when his mother committed suicide, I'm sure there were trickle down effects. There are studies about the impact suicide has on families that have been done but I couldn't point to them now as it has been awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's much, much harder for a boy to grow up without a dad than without a mom, and needless to say a lot more boys have had the former experience.

Why? Single mom to a boy asking. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

The anger of a kid whose mother has committed suicide is like nothing I have ever seen.

[Anonymous]

I lost my mother at a young age and I can look back as an adult and now see how things happened in phases now that I am a parent.

Sure there were times I wish my mother could see me or I asked I wonder where I would be now if she didn't die, would i be more empathetic, would I be more worried of people's approval, would I not be as independent?
I do miss her, I will never get over it, you get used to life without them but you need to be able to function and not use it as an excuse for being the way you are.

any challenges just made me more independent and prepared me for real life.

[Anonymous]

OP, just be careful not to look for things to be wrong when they are not.

[Anonymous]

I think that the death was a result of suicide is more important than the fact that the death happened. That changes things immensely. Still, I agree that the experience of random DCUMer probably will not inform you very much about your particular boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

my guess is that he is better adjusted than those who have mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, just be careful not to look for things to be wrong when they are not.

This is great advice!

[Anonymous]

OP. I would really look at suicide and mental health organizations like NAMI. Suicide is entwined with depression. the person who commits it is typically is experiencing a kind of pain that they think will never improve and that the only relief is death. Some who commit suicide think they are so bad at something (like parenting) or such a burden that others would be better off without them. Of course, this kind of warped thinking is often the negative thinking of depression. Others are driven by psychosis.

Depending on how the surviving child grew up, they may feel abandoned, angry, unloved, etc. They are at higher risk for depression and suicide themselves.