Men who did not grow up with mothers

[Anonymous]

I am not qualified to answer your question but what's interesting is that you also implied that the BF's father did not remarry (you said he grew up without a mother and I assume this means there was no female presence in his house as a kid?).

I'm sure it was challenging and difficult at times.

[Anonymous]

Friend came home one day to find his mother hanging. Dad was an alcoholic. He became a very upright, hardworking student and citizen, as he felt he had no one to fall back on. He married and had a child, but died early of cancer. I felt although he tried to appear to be pretty unfazed by this event, this festered emotionally causing his cancer. He also never had high self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced when I was four, and, although I had a few "aunties" along the way I was raised primarily by my father. He didn't remarry until I was in my 20s, already out of the house, and in grad school. I have a relationship with my mother, but he was my primary parent.

I get emotional intelligence from dad, and sense of fair play, and respect, so I feel I did not miss out on nurturing. My mother get stressed out easily, and so I think I was fortunate that dad got me.

I think I missed out on the family connections that mothers bring, fathers/men aren't the best at building community - especially with other women, women can do that better. I also missed the traditional two parent home, which I think helps with balance. I am married with three, and we are doing fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely he’s in a better position to answer this question than most of us.

Yes, I know, but just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

Why would it be the same? Unless you believe all men are the same? Do you think only a women can raise a child?

DP Nobody said only a woman could raise a baby. Surely there is a difference between a mom who died and one that committed suicide? I mean the result is the same but,there are differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surely he’s in a better position to answer this question than most of us.

Yes, I know, but just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

Why would it be the same? Unless you believe all men are the same? Do you think only a women can raise a child?

DP Nobody said only a woman could raise a baby. Surely there is a difference between a mom who died and one that committed suicide? I mean the result is the same but,there are differences.

OP: “When he was a baby”. He’s not traumatized by her death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The anger of a kid whose mother has committed suicide is like nothing I have ever seen.

I don't know, is it as bad as growing up with a narcissistic manipulator?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose mother died when he was very very young (cancer). It was surely hard and at times lonely, but he has an incredible father who built a great life for his kids. Friend is happily married and a good guy. Another friend lost her mom young but her dad remarried and she is close to her stepmom. that being said, she is an emotinoally reserved person and it took her a long time to let herself be in a relationship. Is that because of this loss or other factors?

Suicide may bring other issues--but there's so much else too that can shape a person (from experiences and support to genetics). Each person is an individual.

[Anonymous]

My husband's mother walked out and never looked back. Left 3 kids, had 4 more with her next two husbands. Lived out of state. Husband's father constantly reminded them what a low down dirty whore she was. His mean mouth is probably what drove her away. Father remarried a woman with four kids and allowed her to treat his kids like dirt. Severe abuse issues. Step mother blamed Valium. My husband's father was her 3rd husband. Her first husband was a serial cheater and died young. Her second husband was a violent alcoholic. She was just a mean sick twisted old bitch. Husband's father needed a mother for his kids and looked the other way, she needed a man to help support her kids. Both were pathetic excuses for a parent/humans imo.

Husband tried to use that upbringing for his juvenile behavior in our home and I said if he didn't cut that s*** out I was gone.

We all make choices. We can be perpetual victims or we can rise above it. The ones that won't should live alone and not inflict their pain on others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BF’s mother committed suicide when he was a baby. What are some of the challenges of growing up without a mom, and how have men overcome them?

Many men were raised by their maternal grandmothers. who raised your BF? Was the dad in the picture?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's mom died when he was 5. He had a tough life b/c his dad married 4 times (many of the wives were abusive). He turned out to be an incredible human being. His brother was disabled and he really stepped in which gave him great empathy. He is an incredible father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my guess is that he is better adjusted than those who have mothers.

+1

This is my first thought, OP. I know a grown man who had a "checked out", easily overwhelmed, nervous, bumbling train wreck of a mother. He is quick to lose his temper, throws things, cries and stomps like a young child. I also know a grown man who lost his dear mother when he was four (not suicide). The death was sudden, and he barely remembered her. He has a large, warm family, and they truly looked out for and took care of each other. He is a fantastic husband and father.

You can't really generalize, it depends how the family handles their individual situation.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP and feel badly for bringing this up. My BF is such a sweet man and is full of love and affection. He was raised by a loving father and his paternal grandmother, who seemed amazing. She was not to laugh and not take life seriously. He had many step moms but no affection. He has many half brothers, step brothers. I see the sadness in his eyes when he talks about his mom. I just wanted to know if any other men have similar experiences. He is the most amazing person I have met.

[Anonymous]

^known

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The anger of a kid whose mother has committed suicide is like nothing I have ever seen.

I don't know, is it as bad as growing up with a narcissistic manipulator?

It seems worse. I know it seems unlikely, but that’s how it looks.